To leave my cult-obsessed DP?

[Abbeywell79]

My first time in AIBU but I'm getting bugger-all response elsewhere so I've got my big-girl pants on!

Been with DP for 7 years, 2 toddlers, both knackered but we generally have a solid relationship. Same outlook on life (or used to), views on parenting etc.

When Covid struck, dp kept warning me about how we were going to be given a vaccine with a microchip and we were all going to be controlled etc etc.

We had a huge row about it, I said I didn't want to hear such nonsense and long story short, we agreed we wouldn't discuss it any more otherwise it was going to damage our relationship.

Since then, things have been fine on the surface. Day-to day life has resumed. However, because he hasn't had me to talk to about his worries, he's found a load of new buddies online and he is now a fully-fledged member of Qanon who spout all sorts including Satanism in Hollywood, child trafficking for organ harvesting to keep famous people looking good, lizard people in the royal family, 9/11 faked etc.

I only know this because I set up a fake account so I could follow his groups so I know what he is reading and sometimes what he posts within these groups. Otherwise I wouldn't have a clue as he appears to be the perfect partner/dad the rest of the time.

I can't see a way back from this. I always said I would give things until after the US election (when Trump will apparently save the world and 'all will be revealed') to see if it will improve but I think he is so far gone I've lost the man I fell in love with.

My options seem to be:

1. Stay with him. That way I get to keep an eye on the lunacy and ensure he's not trying to indoctrinate our children as they get older
2. Split up. We are about to move 200 miles away to be nearer my family and I was planning on staying with him until we did that then at least I have support. But then it would mean essentially kicking him out then will I lose my kids to him every other weekend? I don't want them travelling and then I won't be able to monitor what he's telling them
3. Keep it under review. DC aren't being affected by it yet so wait until they're older or until his mask starts to slip and he can't contain his 'secrets' any longer

All options seem pretty depressing.

@Friendsoftheearth

sheo and others: By your very nature, if you feel people should NOT be allowed to have different views, you are never going to change your mind now! It is your way or the highway clearly, so there is no point in continuing to post - because you are fixed and rigid, so it is utterly futile and pointless trying to reason with you.

It is better to let life show you that science is not fixed, nothing is fixed, and the 'truth' changes all of the time, that way you can see from experience.

You can close yourself off to anything that does not 'sit well' with you, but for me that would be far too small a world to live in, too stunted and intellectually limiting.

Far better to imagine that you don't actually know everything and all the answers, and there are many surprises in the world, and many real things that happen every day that would stun and shock you no doubt, they are not any less valid because you do not understand/believe in them.

Closed minds scare me far more than open curious ones thats for sure!

Who exactly has said that people shouldn't be allowed to have different views? Certainly not me. But there is only one truth, and it doesn't change based on what we believe.

www.antipodesmap.com/

Check this map. It's an antipodes map. If you type in your location, you will see who lives on the other side of the Earth.

My exH started this utter nonsense in the last couple of years. Flat earther, believes we are being poisoned by our water, chemtrails and heaps more. He, of course, believes that covid is one big conspiracy and unbeknown to me, filled my autistic child’s head with his nonsense, resulting in my son basically having a breakdown and telling me everything. Needless to say, my children have not been seeing their father and will not be seeing him until he stops using their visitation time as an opportunity to brainwash my children into his deluded way of thinking. In other words, he can have whatever beliefs he wants, but I will not allow him to push those beliefs on my children.

I honestly can’t tell you what to do OP, there have been many times I wish I had stayed with my ex, purely to have protected my children from things he has done to them. But in the same breath, I was so deep in depression with him that back then I barely had a bond with my children and once I left and got better, we went from strength to strength.

tendency to assign equivalency to every idea this is a very, very important point.

Anyone saying we should give equal valid airtime either personally or in the public domain to every single ‘idea’ is asking for a society like Trump is promoting - where facts, evidence base, validity, credibility are all crushed under the weight of nonsense.

@PurpleThistles84 I’m really sorry for your experience. That is quite worrying and is exactly one of the things the OP, quite rightly, is concerned about.

Maybe he’s planning to leave you as well OP for your rigid narrow thinking? 🤔

@MarriedtoDaveGrohl

Honestly I despair. Actually thinking you can have a discussion with these people about these topics is as mad as them believing that shit in the first place. Why are women so hell bent on talking to men. Trying to get them to see their point of view? Telling them it's not sexy is hugely motivating for men. Doing something eg carrying on with life and having fun without them is hugely motivating for men. Dumping them is hugely motivating for men. Telling them you will and being prepared to do it is as well.

Talking and talking about it? No. Not motivating. Doesn't work. Threatening and not carrying out the threats? Nope, that won't do it either.

And I am a woman, trying to convince you of something. And failing, so there's a perfect example of it. 😁

You all want to believe that reasoning is the only way and that's that.

I love this post!

It is so, so true!

@butterbeanspop

Maybe he’s planning to leave you as well OP for your rigid narrow thinking? 🤔

Oh it’s so, so rigid of the OP not to believe in conspiracies!

You are a perfect example of the accusatory and aggressive nature of people who think that conspiracies attacking others without any evidence deserve to be respected and aired to others. You just attack back in the most rigid minded way!

@butterbeanspop

Maybe he’s planning to leave you as well OP for your rigid narrow thinking? 🤔

Win win!

CT: “Hilary Clinton runs a pizza parlour with a secret basement where they sacrifice children to Beelzebub.”

Me: “Any factual evidence for that?”

CT: “How dare you ask me that! Einstein would’ve agreed with me. Don’t be so narrow minded!”

**Oh it’s so, so rigid of the OP not to believe in conspiracies!

You are a perfect example of the accusatory and aggressive nature of people who think that conspiracies attacking others without any evidence deserve to be respected and aired to others. You just attack back in the most rigid minded way!**

I didn’t attack anyone! Just saying....

I would personally find it way too controlling if my dh tried to stop me researching and looking into theories etc on the internet, whether they were weird or not - that is besides the point. I would find it absolutely abhorrent - just because he didn't like it!
I am so surprised other people think its okay for anyone to stalk their partners on line, pretending to be someone else and be checking up on them in that way - and its okay for her to force him to stop. I don't think it is okay for force to do anything - as long as it is harmless.

Perhaps he is vacant, because he has intellectually checked out and finds it too limiting dealing with practicalities all of the time.

@WhatifIfeellikeacat

Years ago there was a conspiracy about Mother Theresa that she was evil and very far from being a Saint but it's not a conspiracy anymore.

Erm...I think it's an opinion that she was evil. I certainly don't think she was evil and do think she was a saint, as do plenty of other people.

Cult?

In the English-speaking world, the term cult often carries derogatory connotations.[10] In this sense, it has been considered a subjective term, used as an ad hominem attack against groups with differing doctrines or practices.[6][11] As such, religion scholar Megan Goodwin defined the term cult, when used by the layperson, as often being a shorthand for a "religion I don't like."[12]

You don't like it. Nobody asked you to like it @GoldenOmber.
Please give me specific Q drops with an explanation concerning why they are 'batshit insane'. Quoting the actual drops, as opposed to how CNN/ where you get your news interpreted them.

Quite a few of us are happy to debate actual information, but token insults don't make anyone look informed.

@butterbeanspop

**Oh it’s so, so rigid of the OP not to believe in conspiracies!

You are a perfect example of the accusatory and aggressive nature of people who think that conspiracies attacking others without any evidence deserve to be respected and aired to others. You just attack back in the most rigid minded way!**

I didn’t attack anyone! Just saying....

You called the OP rigid? You accused her of being rigid? That is an accusation which is founded on... nothing!

as long as it is harmless. @Friendsoftheearth for someone who says other people must be ‘open minded’ you haven’t been open to a thing anyone has responded to you on this thread!

You just keep on with your own accusations that are unfounded and have no robust thinking.

No one here, not even the OP, has even remotely said that we all need to go out and stop anyone from thinking this or saying that. OP is making her own decisions to remove herself and is not asking her DH to do or stop anything.

However conspiracies, accusations towards other people, are not harmless they have several real harms ranging from exascerbating vulnerability and mental instability (people become more and more paranoid), several documented cases of paranoia and conspiracy theories within relationships being linked to increasing domestic abuse - all the way to the gun attack on the Pizza Parlour. And if you want... all the way to discriminating against whole peoples and wars begin. Definitely not harmless.

@Friendsoftheearth

Any religion you care to choose is based on the most far fetched fantasy - did anyone really believe the story about Noah's ark or Adam and Eve? Or even that a Virgin gave birth? And yet spiritual leaders of every description are still revered in most countries, have hugely influential positions with societies and are placed far above most of society.

We have just been raised to have respect for the church, and in some/many cases people still believe these 'scriptures'

Interstingky, I have heard of a woman who is pregnant via either IVF or IUI (i can't remember which) using donor sperm and is a virgin.

Not sure Mary had the same technology available though

Those horrific massacres of young women were prompted by the online incel movement. Harmless these things are most definitely not. Not saying the dh is into that but they are a similar belief set - that women run the world and are in charge and get all the advantages

I'm not sure I believe they really do think women run the world and get all the advantages. I think they badly want a return to the days where they could bully and harass all women, not just an unfortunate few, and this is one of several angles to employ to try and get us there.

Like those men who will say that rape isn't a real thing. They're not stupid (mostly), they're just sadistic and attempting to add to the harm.

I don't know how you even have the brazen cheek to add to this thread again after your last post MsTSwift I notice you have said absolutely nothing at all about your misogynistic comment.
Pretty disgusting thing to say, it is rooted in hatred of women in the 1980s or something. Disappointing to say the very least.

You don't like it. Nobody asked you to like it @GoldenOmber*.
Please give me specific Q drops with an explanation concerning why they are 'batshit insane'. Quoting the actual drops, as opposed to how CNN/ where you get your news interpreted them.*

CNN? This is a British site.

Look, nobody’s going to stop your believing that there is a Satanic cabal of child-eating paedophiles running everything and Trump is actually a hero working to bring them down. But you will have to accept other people calling it batshit, because - sorry - it is batshit.

How do know it was a bat though? And that it was actually the bat that had a little shit, and not another small flying creature with a halloween costume on?

I mean come on guys. Critical thinking skills and all that.

For such a supporter of free speech surprised you have appointed yourself the thread police! I’ll say what I want thanks.

@GoldenOmber

Look, nobody’s going to stop your believing that there is a Satanic cabal of child-eating paedophiles running everything and Trump is actually a hero working to bring them down. But you will have to accept other people calling it batshit, because - sorry - it is batshit.

How do you know for sure there isn’t some very satanic paedos who do weird stuff and actually they are behind the scenes of some powerful stuff? Why is that hard to believe ? I’m not saying it’s 100% happening ? Why is not possible some very powerful people who are in politics who don’t do this stuff?

Ok I agree some of it is far fetched , blood sucking vampires whatever but who’s to say behind Epstein and Ghislaine there isn’t actually a whole group of devil worshiping peodos? I can’t rule out for sure I’m afraid, world is crazy. What I can say is that maybe not all is as it seems sometimes, bit like the happy family Down the road , perfect and kind to the outside world but behind closed doors? Who knows

Oh goodness, I could have written this myself! My usually logical husband has absolutely lost the plot, I am brainwashed, shouldn't watch bbc and can't wait for Trump to reveal all.
Good luck OP! I have no idea either!