To leave my cult-obsessed DP?

[Abbeywell79]

My first time in AIBU but I'm getting bugger-all response elsewhere so I've got my big-girl pants on!

Been with DP for 7 years, 2 toddlers, both knackered but we generally have a solid relationship. Same outlook on life (or used to), views on parenting etc.

When Covid struck, dp kept warning me about how we were going to be given a vaccine with a microchip and we were all going to be controlled etc etc.

We had a huge row about it, I said I didn't want to hear such nonsense and long story short, we agreed we wouldn't discuss it any more otherwise it was going to damage our relationship.

Since then, things have been fine on the surface. Day-to day life has resumed. However, because he hasn't had me to talk to about his worries, he's found a load of new buddies online and he is now a fully-fledged member of Qanon who spout all sorts including Satanism in Hollywood, child trafficking for organ harvesting to keep famous people looking good, lizard people in the royal family, 9/11 faked etc.

I only know this because I set up a fake account so I could follow his groups so I know what he is reading and sometimes what he posts within these groups. Otherwise I wouldn't have a clue as he appears to be the perfect partner/dad the rest of the time.

I can't see a way back from this. I always said I would give things until after the US election (when Trump will apparently save the world and 'all will be revealed') to see if it will improve but I think he is so far gone I've lost the man I fell in love with.

My options seem to be:

1. Stay with him. That way I get to keep an eye on the lunacy and ensure he's not trying to indoctrinate our children as they get older
2. Split up. We are about to move 200 miles away to be nearer my family and I was planning on staying with him until we did that then at least I have support. But then it would mean essentially kicking him out then will I lose my kids to him every other weekend? I don't want them travelling and then I won't be able to monitor what he's telling them
3. Keep it under review. DC aren't being affected by it yet so wait until they're older or until his mask starts to slip and he can't contain his 'secrets' any longer

All options seem pretty depressing.

I'm wondering when Kate Middleton realised Prince William was a lizard? I mean would you disclose that before the wedding or after or would you leave it till she was pregnant just to prepare her?

Mind boggling.

@ancientgran

I'm wondering when Kate Middleton realised Prince William was a lizard? I mean would you disclose that before the wedding or after or would you leave it till she was pregnant just to prepare her?

Mind boggling.

“AIBU to think DH should have told me about this before we had three half-lizard children????”

“God you sound like hard work OP, he’s allowed a personal life.”

Lizards aren't even mammals. How can they reproduce with humans?

he problem with post-modernism is that many people have come to believe that all ideas and opinions are somehow equally valid, and there is no objective truth

But who are you to judge? Who is anyone to judge?

I am certainly not defending any of the contents Q or any other CT organisation, but it is important to keep sight of choice and freedom of speech and thought. Even if we think it is ridiculous. I worry this is one step away from persecution - and that it will evolve to include religions we do not agree with/way of life etc etc. Censoring is a slippery slope.

Oh come off it with your disingenuous bullshit. Of course I am going to judge anyone who claims celebrities are sacrificing babies, because it is absurd nonsense without any basis in reality. It’s just the Jewish ‘blood libel’ concept repackaged for the 21st century.

@Friendsoftheearth

he problem with post-modernism is that many people have come to believe that all ideas and opinions are somehow equally valid, and there is no objective truth

But who are you to judge? Who is anyone to judge?

I am certainly not defending any of the contents Q or any other CT organisation, but it is important to keep sight of choice and freedom of speech and thought. Even if we think it is ridiculous. I worry this is one step away from persecution - and that it will evolve to include religions we do not agree with/way of life etc etc. Censoring is a slippery slope.

That's ironic, seeing that QAnon and their ilk are very big on judging and persecution

He’s sounds mentally ill. And in need of professional help, would he consider counselling if someone sort? It sounds like a break down brought on by stress.

One of the issues @Friendsoftheearth is that often people who get really into conspiracy theories won't subscribe to 'live and let live' either.

For many it becomes an obsession, they spend all their time in echo chambers reinforcing the conspiracies and become obsessed with converting other people to believe the same. Talking about it constantly and behaving like bullies to belittle people they call 'sheeple' getting increasingly angry if they won't agree with their world view. I think that's what PP have shared experiences of.

It's like religious people - I'm not religious at all but have no issue with people who have faith and act on it privately or kindly. I do take issue with people who vocalise that everyone else is going to hell / try to aggressively convert everyone. It's the same with many conspiracy theorists in my personal experience and once they fall too far down the rabbit hole, it isolates them from their support networks because it's all they want to talk about and they do so aggressively and without an open mind the other way around.

“But who are YOU to judge the people who harass a woman who’s had a miscarriage by telling her she’s a satanist who sacrificed her own baby? Who are YOU to disapprove of the people who are cheering for the day their political opponents will be rounded up and publicly executed? Doesn’t that make YOU the more awful person, if you think about it?”

@Friendsoftheearth

he problem with post-modernism is that many people have come to believe that all ideas and opinions are somehow equally valid, and there is no objective truth

But who are you to judge? Who is anyone to judge?

I am certainly not defending any of the contents Q or any other CT organisation, but it is important to keep sight of choice and freedom of speech and thought. Even if we think it is ridiculous. I worry this is one step away from persecution - and that it will evolve to include religions we do not agree with/way of life etc etc. Censoring is a slippery slope.

It's not 'one step away from persecution' FFS. No one is suggesting they should be arrested for their beliefs. They have a right to believe whatever bullshit they want, and I have the right to believe that they are completely batshit. Just don't pretend that the earth being flat and ruled by lizard people is just as valid as the believe that the earth is round and isn't.

I think I would try to talk to him .Maybe just in short chats though.One sort of "Big Chat " may make him defensive ..I am not a conspiracist by any means ,but do wonder if there is a lot we are not being told really. Hopefully when we defeat the virus it may help him accept it .If he works away, and you are moving nearer to your own family ,then it may be better than divorcing and losing DC to EOW when he could indoctrinate them without you there.

I know someone who was a big conspiracy theorist on covid until their friend died of the virus and they also developed symptoms...

Then they stopped saying it’s fabricated lies.

I’m NOT suggesting you send him into a covid ward without a mask on :-D

It’s impressive how suddenly everyone turns factual when the issue is no longer a theory but actually affects them

but it is important to keep sight of choice and freedom of speech and thought.

FWIW there are some Flat Earthers who function at a very high level (including one very high profile individual working in Aviation..though I do wonder if the supposed "belief" is actually simply a money spinner) but clinging to that belief when you can witness that Polaris gets higher in the sky as you travel North, or that day length gets stuffed up if you travel east or west isn't "freedom of speech" or a "choice" or "thought" issue, it's a demonstrable lack of willingness to connect with at least some aspects of reality.

I totally totally disagree with everything in the above post. Live and let live? Dear me.

Sorry friends post I disagree with

@Abbeywell79 I empathise. I've been through it all with DH. Pizzagate. George Soros. The Clintons, Obamas and the Gates' are all criminals. Wiki leaks. BLM is being funded by Soros. We'll only be able to travel with health passports in future. Vaccinations. Covid = control. Yada yada yada.

We've both suffered from MH issues and personally, I have ways to counteract my problems but DH has deeper anxiety to me and believes this shit, mostly gleaned from Twitter. He's recently taken up other hobbies which reduces his time online (thank god) but I can no longer talk about current affairs with him because he actually believes what he's saying. It ends up in arguments and tears. To him the evidence is irrefutable. If he's been shown a film that confirms the evidence, I cannot tell him if I thinks it's fake or being misrepresented.

I'm biding my time.

Live and let live? Dear me.

Do you apply "live and let live" to absolutely everything - and I mean absolutely everything?

IMHO anybody spreading a view of the world which has been known/shown to be untrue since Archimedes if not before needs to be called out on it...

Oh heavens! I forgot about face masks! He won't now go on holiday with us because we have to use public transport and he's not wearing a mask on the train for hours, and besides they don't work. Bigger than that, Covid 19 is a conspiracy for China to beat the world down so that they can extend their influence and be the number one country in the world.

(Sigh)

@Friendsoftheearth

he problem with post-modernism is that many people have come to believe that all ideas and opinions are somehow equally valid, and there is no objective truth

But who are you to judge? Who is anyone to judge?

I am certainly not defending any of the contents Q or any other CT organisation, but it is important to keep sight of choice and freedom of speech and thought. Even if we think it is ridiculous. I worry this is one step away from persecution - and that it will evolve to include religions we do not agree with/way of life etc etc. Censoring is a slippery slope.

It's not censoring to expect facts to back up some of the crap that is spouted these days in the name of Truth.

He's an idiot.
No one wants to chip him

@MsTSwift

Sorry friends post I disagree with

Got it..bit slow there...

I must disclose that there is one conspiracy theory that I do think is credible....

That's the one that many conspiracy theories are propagated by people who have a financial interest in keeping the discussion and argument going..I suspect many of the high priest and priestesses of some of these belief systems don't believe for one moment the nonsense they are (often literally) selling....

@RationalOne

He's an idiot. No one wants to chip him

I'm sorry but the temptation to buy something that looks like it could be a micro chipping machine and to leave it lying around 'hidden' would be too great for me.

Anyone with a partner like this. Just get rid. People who believe batshit stuff are unpredictable and if they are willing engaging with cults then others are controlling them and that's not a sexy look. It's weak minded, and frankly rather mad.

OP move, try to engage with his overall state of mind on terms of getting him help and if he won't then get rid, making sure you get plenty of evidence in case you need it. You may even need to involve SS or at least flag this with him.

Many people with mental illness live in the community harming no one but themselves. But many then become homeless etc. You owe it to him to try and get him help but ultimately engaging with individual beliefs is a waste of time.

After you have moved give him an ultimatum- the group or you. DONT tell him what to believe in. Just say they are a bad influence you don't like who he's become and it's affecting his ability to be a good father and you are finding it a massive turnoff so he stops engaging with them or he leaves.

This will work if anything will. Reasoning with him? Waste of fucking time. That goes for all of you - I can't believe you are debating with these men!!!!

Tell them they are fast heading towards a break up and if they don't want that they have to completely cut themselves off from THOSE PEOPLE. Not change their beliefs (obviously that will happen and is the end game) but to stop taking to that group and to stop reading those sites.

If they don't stop leave.

As for the fuckwit that won't go away or wear a mask - go without him! And make sure you have a very good time.

Honestly I despair. Actually thinking you can have a discussion with these people about these topics is as mad as them believing that shit in the first place. Why are women so hell bent on talking to men. Trying to get them to see their point of view? Telling them it's not sexy is hugely motivating for men. Doing something eg carrying on with life and having fun without them is hugely motivating for men. Dumping them is hugely motivating for men. Telling them you will and being prepared to do it is as well.

Talking and talking about it? No. Not motivating. Doesn't work. Threatening and not carrying out the threats? Nope, that won't do it either.

And I am a woman, trying to convince you of something. And failing, so there's a perfect example of it. 😁

You all want to believe that reasoning is the only way and that's that.

nanny It is kind of terrifying that you think there is just ONE truth and thats it. You do know the world/knowledge/science is evolving all of the time and has since time began. There is no one truth, just what you believe to be true - just one view in a spec of billions.

It is interesting that Hawkings was laughed at the past for his theories ib the early days, and yet he went on to prove they were right. Einstein with his dyslexia was dismissed and shunned - we know what happened next.
Keeping a broad mind, keeping an open mind and not being so bloody quick to judge people should be a basic quality that most people should aspire to - it is not about this truth or that truth, it is having the common sense and humanity to allow others to follow their own journey, take their own decisions - explore the world in their own way. It is important to keep questioning everything around you - to keep your curiosity alive, to remain inquisitive, and retain critical thinking. I have no time for CT personally but if others want to believe in lizards then so be it.

PS Yes I am fairly liberal - where possible (and safe) I do support people to live and let live - it makes the world a more interesting authentic place to live in.

He doesn't sound very well. It's quite easy to tip into very poor mental health (mental health crisis) in times of stress. This can include what you've described.