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Original poster

Got rid of friend

159 replies

Flute56 · 06/10/2020 07:24

For a long time I have felt the need to vent to a friend about the way our friendship was going. It was very one sided and I tried ignoring her which didn't work because I was always tempted to make contact which I did. One day something just snapped and I felt I just could not go on. She was cold and unfriendly and I decided enough was enough, so I decided the only way forward was to email her and tell her how unhappy I was with the way things were. I felt this was the only to put closure on a really one sided non existing friendship.

I do not feel bad about it, but each time I contacted her and got a cold responde, it just brought it home to me that I do not want or need that sort of person in my life. Now I know there is no way I can ever be tempted to contact her because she knows how I feel and it is up to her to contact me to either explain herself, or to agree that we should go our different ways. I have not heard anything back and wrote to her two days ago. Maybe she needs time to process what I said and is thinking about what to say, or she has indeed not read my email because she sometimes does not read her emails for a day or so.

Has anyone been in this situation and how did you deal with it and what was the outcome? I suggested we meet up because we had not met since lockdown in March and she was less than enthusiastic so I just decided to call it a day and I have no regrets whatsoever. Other friends of mine make time for me, support me, suggest we do things so it is really her loss

OP posts:
BroomHandledMouser · 06/10/2020 07:30

Forget about it and move on.

If you’ve not heard from her you have your answer right there. You care more than her, let her get on with it.

Concentrate on you and what makes you happy now, no one needs friends like that in their life.

‘Bye Felicia’ Grin

SoupDragon · 06/10/2020 07:34

I have no regrets whatsoever.

So why are you waiting for a reply? I don't think I would reply to an email like that, I would just block you everywhere.

Just move on.

As an aside, you say it is up to her to contact me to either explain herself, or to agree that we should go our different ways... what if she replies telling you everything that she thinks is wrong with you?

CausingChaos2 · 06/10/2020 07:37

You sound a bit righteous. You could have just stopped contacting her rather than sending her a list of your grievances. I’d find that dramatic and OTT. She may not even reply, and if you don’t care, why are you hanging on waiting for one?

Tadpolesandfroglets · 06/10/2020 07:40

I have let a friendship dwindle to nothing, so run it’s course I guess because it wasn’t what I wanted or needed in my life. I felt like it was a bit toxic and very one sided. Something big happened at a social gathering that tipped me over the edge ( with regards to her behaviour) and I just didn’t want to carry on the relationship anymore. I sent a few emails explaining why but she didn’t really get it. Anyway I haven’t ever ‘looked back’. I felt like I didn’t really get anything positive out of it and I don’t miss the drama.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 06/10/2020 07:40

I tried ignoring her which didn't work because I was always tempted to make contact which I did

Why can't you just stop contacting her?

WunWun · 06/10/2020 07:41

Years ago, I sent an email to a friend in similar but different circumstances saying how unhappy I was with various stuff she used to do. I really regret it now (not saying you will) because tbh I sent it out of anger. Anyway, she didn't ever reply.

I wouldn't expect a reply tbh.

MaliceOrgan · 06/10/2020 07:45

It sounds like she's been trying to get rid of you for ages so I doubt you'll get a reply. You aren't going to ever get the closure you want (an apology or an explanation) so just draw a line under this person as she was never a friend in the first place

DillonPanthersTexas · 06/10/2020 07:47

You have terminated the friendship with that email so I am not sure why you need her to 'explain' herself. If she was as terrible a friend as you make out why are you craving a response. Just get on with your life.

seventhrow · 06/10/2020 07:50

So.... you snapped and sent her a list of things that she’s done wrong, then occasionally have bothered her by following up, just because you can’t help yourself? Why on earth should she respond to you in any way other than cooly? Why are you contacting her if it’s so clear that you think she’s a shitty person? What do you want from her?

The civilised way to let a friendship go would be to let yourselves drift apart and blame it on being too busy. Instead you’ve lashed out and are now expecting apologies to make yourself feel better / closure.

Yesterdayforgotten · 06/10/2020 07:52

Sorry op but from what you describe the friendship has died and you need to move on Flowers she has the message.

MidnightFlit · 06/10/2020 07:55

it is up to her to contact me to either explain herself, or to agree that we should go our different ways.

OR, she can do neither. That's what I'd do to an email outlining all my failings as a friend.

serialreturner · 06/10/2020 07:56

@CausingChaos2

You sound a bit righteous. You could have just stopped contacting her rather than sending her a list of your grievances. I’d find that dramatic and OTT. She may not even reply, and if you don’t care, why are you hanging on waiting for one?
As above. You sound like a stroppy teenager.
Veterinari · 06/10/2020 07:58

I don't think she wants to be your friend.
Stop contacting her
Stop waiting for her to contact you
Move on

Scrappydont86 · 06/10/2020 08:00

I think @MaliceOrgan is right!

I think she’s been trying to get rid of you first. She’s probably happy you ended it (but hurt by the email).

You sound a bit obsessed with her though Confused

Ohtherewearethen · 06/10/2020 08:00

I find what you have done very odd. If someone sent me a list of all the ways in which I was a shit friend I'd not reply either. What are you expecting from her? You say that all your other friends suggest things to do and support you - maybe you are a bit needy and your ex-friend found it quite tiring to be the one to support you all the time. It's interesting that you don't say you and your friends support each other, just that they support you, make time for you, suggest things to do, etc and that it's her loss. Her loss that she can't support you? Maybe the friendship was one sided but not in the way you believe it to be.

PatchworkElmer · 06/10/2020 08:01

I wouldn’t reply to an email like that, either. Why do you want a reply- for further drama? Sounds like you’ve made a clear decision- you don’t need a response from her.

WhatWouldJKRDo · 06/10/2020 08:03

You’ve sent her an email listing her faults and you expect a response? You are chasing drama.

She’s done with you. Why would she have any interest in further contact? Grow up and move on.

Shooglywheel · 06/10/2020 08:04

Umm.. you told her you weren’t happy with the friendship and now expect her to contact you?
If someone did that to me I would consider it finished and would definitely not get in touch.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/10/2020 08:05

It sounds to me as though you couldn’t control your behaviour ie contacting her over and over again. Your solution therefore was to put the onus on her. Maybe she hasn’t been a good friend. But you also need a long look in the mirror for it doesn’t sound as though tugriks perhaps been one either.

Sundries · 06/10/2020 08:05

You quite clearly don’t just want to end things, you’re upset she’s been less than enthusiastic about your friendship and sent this email to shock her (you hope) into declaring herself still committed to it. But she’s not been keen on contact with you for some time by the sound of things, so ending it is fine with her. I’m not sure why you’re anticipating a reply. Would you send a lengthy email explaining yourself to someone who had just sent you an email criticising you and telling you she was no longer your friend?

What did your mail actually say? Did you say it was over, or ask for a reply?

I can’t help feeling you’re like someone who stomps out of the house after a row, fully expecting to be followed and abjectly apologised to, to discover an hour later they’re standing freezing in a layby with no one paying the slightest attention.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/10/2020 08:05

Never sent an email but I had a great friend who suddenly was never reaching out to me, very one sided and I told her and said “you never call me” etc, she actually agreed and apologised. Then I left it, she never contacted me again and I never bothered back. Oh well- I don’t get hung up dissecting it, friends come and go- I wish her no ill.

Shooglywheel · 06/10/2020 08:05

And if you have no regrets why are you posting about it here?

Librascales · 06/10/2020 08:07

@Flute56

I think you have trouble letting go. I do too.

Try not to overthink things. You explained how you feel and now it's time to move on and forget her. It's hard sometimes.

LavenderBucket · 06/10/2020 08:07

I don't see why you needed to email her to tell her this? Sounds like she didn't want to be your friend anyway but you had to get a dig in and have the final say.

I wouldn't respond to an email like that.

KaptainKaveman · 06/10/2020 08:08

YANBU to get rid of a 'friend' who isn't kind or decent to you. YABU, however, to write a long list of accusations and then wait around anxiously for a response! If I'd received such a message I would never get in touch with you again.

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