High achieving families

[Coldemort]

this isn't about politics disclaimer
So... I ended up down a twitter/wikipedia rabbit hole around the Javid family (most famous being Sajid, but brother Baz is also very high ranking, another brother a CEO, another a millionaire property magnate).
That family are first generation, working class. What is the family dynamic that makes them so very successful?
The Johnsons of the world, I get. When you have wealth, privalege and the best education money can buy, it makes sense you are going to be in the elite.
But what is the dynamic in working class families that produce such high achieving children? (I could reference other families, but the Javids are the one that caught my eye tonight)

Hard word, endless hard work and knowing no one is going to hand you anything, ever

From what I gather, Sajid was told he'd never amount to much at school, as well as experiencing the usual racist claptrap. So it was probably a case of 'I'll bloody well show you...'

Let's also remember that one of the Javid brothers committed suicide and I suspect Sajid etc. would probably give up everything they had if it meant they got him back.

One of the most successful people I know lost his mum to cancer, then his dad couldn't cope with her loss so he killled himself.

He ended up going into foster care thankfully with an amazing man who supported him and got him involved in church and youth work as a way to raise his self esteem.

As a child he was badly bullied by both staff and pupils and once threw a brick at a teacher. He was told he'd never amount to anything. The loss of his parents made him never have to want to rely on anything so he got involved in early tech start ups and did very well ........but his main reason for wanting success was to say a big fuck you to those who said he couldn't.

Goodness. I would never call a property magnate a ‘high achiever’.

Depends on what you think success is though.

Interestingly my parents have a lot of successful friends, and nearly all of them have had some kind of trauma in their younger years. One was a Banardos boy, a few lost parents very young or siblings etc. Seemed that their success was being very driven to either escape poverty or to provide themselves with a sense of safety.

And also a sense of “ive already faced the worst things ever, so I may as well go for it because if I fail, it won’t be worse than what I’ve already dealt with”.

Read Michelle Obama's book, Becoming. She and her brother were very high achieving despite being from working class roots. The input from her mother, the work ethic and resilience of her father and the high standards of dignity set for the kids by all their family members set them in good stead. They were poor but they did have poverty of aspiration. Or poverty of intellect.

Successful people work hard, don't make excuses, are considerate of others and don't let others' anti-intellectualism drag them down.

There do seem to be families where you get a whole set of siblings, or even people through a number of generations, who are just somehow special and achieve beyond what is usual. They seem to come from different backgrounds.

I do think that certain personality traits are part of that, whether they come from the family culture or a set of shared experiences. Working hard being maybe the defining one, not because things like intelligence or insight aren't important, but because the hard work is what brings the rest to fruition.

I dunno either. I know a sibling set not as rich as the Javids became but all leapt into professional prominent 'middle class' public profile positions after growing up in ex-council house in North London. The siblings have > 1000 followers on Twitter, go on TV to give opinions, super high achievers at university. Their parents & grand parents from very humble backgrounds, had manual occupations only, no particular education achievements. Very stable family home from what I know, no trauma.

Must admit I rarely relate to high achieving families -- my extended family aren't like that, either.

Like Margaret Thatcher you mean ?

I wonder more how very difficult it must be to have that passionate drive to succeed If you DON’T come from a poor family.

My dad and his brother are both “high achievers” in their own way. Both from poor backgrounds, both left school at 15. Both set up their own businesses despite neither having any role models in that area. My dad’s business was more financially lucrative as my uncle’s was a fruit farm in Australia but his was also successful and he had a great life (now sadly died).
My dad said for him (there was no trauma or anything like that) it was seeing that he didn’t want to settle for a two up two down, he wanted to have financial success, he worked incredibly hard to get there. He also had a pretty uncaring father who told him he wouldn’t amount to much and he wanted to prove him wrong too.

None of these things I want to replicate with my own children! I don’t want them to have trauma or to feel like they have to prove themselves to me. I do expect them to work hard at school though and I drum into them how hard work, practice and perseverance is the gateway to success.

My other half grew up in poverty and domestic violence. He left home at sixteen with no qualifications. Set up a business at 17 with a loan from a charity and now runs a multi million pound company. It has been sheer hard work and commitment on his part. Going without food and rent in the early days and just never giving up. In sont think I would have been able to achieve what he has. I think it takes a certain kind of tenacity.

Like Margaret Thatcher you mean?

Well - whatever you think of her politics, she did come from a modest background and work incredibly hard. I suppose being seriously bright always helps too OP.

Lol. Luck. Capitalism relies on a large number of people staying at the bottom of the heap. That doesn't mean plenty of them haven't worked hard, been driven, and thrown everything at trying to better their life. I find it quite a nasty, distasteful view to suggest only the random few who end up in positions of wealth or power worked hard.

It would be impossible for everybody in a capitalist society to rise to wealth. So it's not a case of "work hard and it will be yours".

Although of course the ego of those who end up nearer the top of that pyramid scheme becomes dented somewhat by that reality.

I'm not sure your marker of "high achievement" is one I share.

@quiteinterested

Sounds like a thinly veiled question of how the Brown People did it

Oh calm the fuck down, no suggestion of that at all.

@Guineapigbridge

Read Michelle Obama's book, Becoming. She and her brother were very high achieving despite being from working class roots. The input from her mother, the work ethic and resilience of her father and the high standards of dignity set for the kids by all their family members set them in good stead. They were poor but they did have poverty of aspiration. Or poverty of intellect.

Going to read that book, Michelle Obama is an absolute inspiration.

@Guineapigbridge

Successful people work hard, don't make excuses, are considerate of others and don't let others' anti-intellectualism drag them down.

Well you're either from a rich family and inherit the wealth/business then continue to drive or you're from a poor family and are incredibly driven, clever and also back the right horse so to speak. The wind of fortune has to blow with you because for every successful entrepreneur there are tens or hundreds that do not succeed. Picking the right area for the business is crucial, although when you see cases of whole generations of children from the same modest family doing well in diverse areas it seems there must be something special about them.

@RonaldMcDonald nail on head.

And
@TheBlessedCheesemaker
I wonder more how very difficult it must be to have that passionate drive to succeed If you DON’T come from a poor family.

I’d call myself and my siblings high achieving and from a poor single parent family. I remember as a child thinking “I never want to tell my own children ‘we can’t afford this’”. And that drove me. As an adult and a parent I see very few children (my own included) from comfortable backgrounds with any real drive. Despite our efforts to rein in what we spend on them, the fact remains that they don’t have to wait til Christmas for their winter coat or their birthday for new trainers (which they sort of need), and because they are comfortable they just cruise.

My dad and his family came to England with nothing and 8 children. His parents worked hard in manual labour jobs 7 days a week 364 days a year, had one week holiday in their working life. Both died young. Now my dad learnt to work hard... Work non- stop, keep working, ignore racist comments From teachers/neighbours/other students, he retook his O’levels, managed to get into uni, went to Cambridge for a PHD. Now he isn’t rich or a high earner, but he’s highly successful and well known medical Researcher publishing papers in highly regarded journals. Also having to work that bit extra Every single day than his white peers.

Hard work, resilience, bold decision making, risk and luck.

'As an adult and a parent I see very few children (my own included) from comfortable backgrounds with any real drive. Despite our efforts to rein in what we spend on them, the fact remains that they don’t have to wait til Christmas for their winter coat or their birthday for new trainers (which they sort of need), and because they are comfortable they just cruise.'

I (rather sadly) agree with this, and would add that those from MC backgrounds with drive tend to have other things they are escaping (abuse etc). Or be fortunate enough to have a real passion and/or talent.
I am very glad that my children are not in the situation of feeling they have to flog themselves to death to be safe/acceptable, or of finding their only respite and safety in books/learning. That doesn't stop me wishing on occasion that they would use their considerable gifts and advantages more fully.

However: While admiring without reservation those who have achieved success with high odds stacked against them, I do have to agree with user above about the 'pyramid scheme' of capitalism. I also think we put too much emphasis on wealth, power and prominence as indicators of success. There's great and important success in the people quietly having a strong impact in their own workplaces and communities - the cafe owners who provide a bright spot in their regulars' days, the TAs who help unacademic children understand they're not stupid, the postdocs who practically write their famous supervisors' papers, the receptionists who put nervous job interviewees at their ease. And so on. I hope one day we'll replace the admiring phrase 'she's done well for herself' with 'she's done well for us'.