High achieving families

[Coldemort]

this isn't about politics disclaimer
So... I ended up down a twitter/wikipedia rabbit hole around the Javid family (most famous being Sajid, but brother Baz is also very high ranking, another brother a CEO, another a millionaire property magnate).
That family are first generation, working class. What is the family dynamic that makes them so very successful?
The Johnsons of the world, I get. When you have wealth, privalege and the best education money can buy, it makes sense you are going to be in the elite.
But what is the dynamic in working class families that produce such high achieving children? (I could reference other families, but the Javids are the one that caught my eye tonight)

I’m not as high achieving as the Javid’s but I’ve worked hard and built my self up to a career and life know one ever expected for me. My background is brought up by a single parent who had alcohol and gambling problems so we were in and out of foster care, regularly homeless and when we were at “home” we regularly had no gas, electricity and at one time went for months without a working toilet.

I was the first in all my immediate and extended family to go to university (followed by my siblings), then I trained several years for a professional qualification with a large firm and now I am in a senior position. It was down to pure hard work and the determination not to have the life I once had.

My DH is typical middle class brought up and I remember doing exams and revising so not wanting to go to a party and his mum (kindly) saying if you don’t know it now you never will and I’ll be honest I was just how can anyone have that attitude... but I think it’s what my DH and I call middle class syndrome (which he openly admits he has). I don’t know if I would have been as successful had I not been from the background I had.

@quiteinterested

Sounds like a thinly veiled question of how the Brown People did it

Why are you trying to turn this into a race issue?

Doesn't nobody have a story about how a girl/woman did it in the UK?

Without marrying a millionaire, at any rate...

@MitziK

One of our Alevel students got into oxford uni 2 years ago, she arrived at our school in year 9 as a
Refugee speaking about 10 words of English. She never stopped working and trying. She’s now at oxford uni studying.

Hard work + good luck = success.

Plenty of people work just as hard, but in different areas. Plenty of people work just as hard but their business folds due to no fault of their own.

Would being an amazing nurse or teacher have been less successful or valuable?

First-generation immigrant families do usually have a very strong desire to succeed - often to get back the status that they lost in having to move continents. At DS's super-selective the ones with the real drive tended to be those very ones. They weren't usually the brightest but hard work, tuition and determination goes a long way (as I often remind my own children but to little avail!).

What matters more is not 'how did this one person succeed' but 'why in Britain are so many people struggling despite hard work every day'?

How do you measure success?

It is a sad world when we equate human achievement with the aquisition of wealth.
And yes Javids older brother was an alcoholic who committed suicide.

Despite weath and position we have no way of knowing how happy and filfilled a person is.

First-generation immigrant families do usually have a very strong desire to succeed - often to get back the status that they lost in having to move continents be careful of stereotyping people.

First-generation immigrant families... are infinitely varied.

My siblings and i are reasonably high achieving, certainly have got much further in life than anyone would ever have thought we would.

There is very definitely an element of "fuck you" to what drives us. I know if I've got a difficult conversation to have at work or I'm about to give a big presentation and I'm shitting myself that to get myself in the right zone I'll quickly mentally remind myself of where i should have ended up, it pushes me on.

It's not actually very nice when you think about it for too long but it keeps me going!

Education (normally having at least one educated person available at home for part of the time), drive, hard work (constantly, without remit for years), being born prior to 1980.

My dad dragged himself up from proper poverty. His mum died when he was a child, his dad was emotionally if not physically abusive and he left school at 15 with no qualifications. He worked the markets, as a hairdresser, in cafes and in shops. But, eventually he realised he needed more money. He took on a sales job nobody else wanted, he worked nights when others worked days and he worked his way up.

He put 2 children through private school, he lived in a beautiful 5 bed house, he retired last year as MD of a publically listed company. He did it only one way, through hard work and taking risks and I think it’s the ability to take the risks which is the difference. You’ve never had a cushion, so if you don’t take the risk it’s going to be unlikely to be worse than what you started with

My mother did this, first daughter of 14 children founded her own business, now international company. Now in her 80s, she worked early and late every day of her life to make it happen. But she was educated herself.

@quiteinterested

Sounds like a thinly veiled question of how the Brown People did it

It really doesn’t

Sorry OP for keeping this political but John Major is another example of someone who grew up very poor and with a rather unconventional family. There are far more Tories with that sort of history than some might think.

@PaulinePetrovaPosey

Sorry OP for keeping this political but John Major is another example of someone who grew up very poor and with a rather unconventional family. There are far more Tories with that sort of history than some might think.

...and actually Keir Starmer. I'm sure there is something in the theory that growing up poor or otherwise disadvantaged can give you a greater drive.

@TheBlessedCheesemaker

I wonder more how very difficult it must be to have that passionate drive to succeed If you DON’T come from a poor family.

This is a very good point. It’s probably quite difficult to motivate yourself to shoot for the stars when you’ve already got everything you could want/need.

@MitziK

Doesn't nobody have a story about how a girl/woman did it in the UK?

Without marrying a millionaire, at any rate...

J k Rowling: escaped an abusive marriage, was a struggling single parent who had to write in a cafe because she couldn’t afford to heat her home, was rejected by numerous publishers before Bloomsbury took HP onboard.

I’m reasonably successful and high achieving and for me it was seeing my single mother, working in a minimum wage job, scrimp and save every month trying to make ends meet. That teamed with having to go to the pub to beg my father for any money made me vow to never be in that position

Successful people work hard, don't make excuses, are considerate of others and don't let others' anti-intellectualism drag them down.

A nice thought.... however...you could say...... Work hard, stab friends and colleagues in the back, play games, entertain work politics and ignore others ideas and suggestions.... Keep eye on the prize and screw anyone who gets in the way.

@Gobbycop

Hard work, resilience, bold decision making, risk and luck.

This

Some people are naturally "driven" though, nature rather than nurture (I agree that underprivileged circimstances can be a driver for a better life ... though likewise many people just seem to accept their lot).

One of the most driven and successful families I know are from middle class and fairly wealthy backgrounds. Their sons have been private school educated and wanted for nothing, but nevertheless they are extremely competitive. They could easily sit back and coast, but they are always striving to get to the top of what they do whether it's school work, sports, music, board games etc. Some people just seem to have boundless motivation. Wish I did ...

@pigcon1

why being born prior to 1980?

I’m sure there are a lot of successful people born since then.

I follow Vee Kativhu on Twitter - she's an inspiration. Managed to get onto the foundation programme at Oxford, got an Oxford degree, and is now studying at Harvard. Has managed to fully pay this years fees from motivational speeches and social media links. Runs low cost/free courses to help other disadvantaged young people navigate the system into Oxford. (Lost her Dad when young, then had to leave Zimbabwe, ended up in tough schools and worked in Mc Donalds part time to help her mother.)

Immigrants have always tended to work extra hard and achieve - from the French Huguenots onwards.

But then it always surprises me how some families seem to produce a lot of Doctors or Teachers, too.

I think Middle Class culture in the UK is just that - a culture. Middle class families from East Asian backgrounds generally have no problems with motivating their children to work hard and succeed.

Middle class syndrome is just a posher version of issues faced by disadvantaged white boys, except that MC parents can afford to support their kids.