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AIBU?

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Original poster

My daughter

295 replies

tvsnacking · 05/10/2020 17:29

I need to know if i am an complete cow..
we live in the middle of nowhere. Not uk. My daughter , 12, going to School 3 km from home. Now she ride a bike to School , but winter is coming.
I am sahm.
We have a possibility to her to drive to and from School in a sort of a taxi , cost nothing. But you only book one Seat and it is booked the Day before.
My daughter Think i should drive her, in case she want friends home with her.
I say, if you know the Day before, i am happy to book 2 seats. But no, they always make plans on the Day, so she Can never have friends home.
The reasons for me to sah is irrelevant - i Think - but i Think my offer for her to go in taxi (or use her bike?) is good enough.
She think I am the worst mother for not driving her.
What do you think?

OP posts:
zoemum2006 · 05/10/2020 20:21

Im a little bit worried about your daughter's reaction. Is she a very dramatic girl because to call you the worst mother over this is disturbing (or maybe it's normal... I just couldn't imagine my 14 year old DD being so dramatic).

You say her older brother is suicidal? Is she coping with this ok because her reaction suggestions she's very emotional (maybe her personality... I don't know?)

She might be feeling very needy? I'd check in with her to see if she's feeling anxious about family life or if she's just a moody pre-teen.

formerbabe · 05/10/2020 20:25

Not sure if I've got it wrong, but the op sounds very cold towards her dd...perhaps it's coming across wrong as I'm assuming English is not her first language?

Original poster
tvsnacking · 05/10/2020 20:28

Thank you for all that has been so kind . For me, it is not a class thing.
I am sort of Rich. But i still look like shit and wear wellies everyday. Cause i dont Care about looks.
Rich people also get enxiety . And their children still get mental health issues. My 17 year Old son self harm. Abuses alcohol and weed. Tried suicide several times. We bought every help we could find. He go to a place soon, who is experts on his issues. My last hope.
But we are not above life: money is not all. And i am insecure. My dd and my ds is my everything. But even if she is having a hard time - with her brother not being Ok - i am still not her servant!

  • she and her brother has always been close , still is. She is blessed with the best Grand parents , best neighbors, best friends .
My dh is home at 4. He Can Pick her up. And we have all the time in the World. But she is 12!! She Can plan if she want a friend home with her..
OP posts:
supersonicginandtonic · 05/10/2020 20:29

I'm sorry but you need to get your anxiety sorted. Your children should be your priority. You have all day to yourself when they are out and a 3km drive takes 15 minutes. You sound like a very uncaring and quite selfish mother to me.
I can understand when the weather is fine but come in when the weather is bad? If you hate driving why move somewhere so rural? FFS! Also your daughter is only 12. You should be looking after her best needs, at the moment you are not.

zoemum2006 · 05/10/2020 20:33

@tvsnacking

when you said "But even if she is having a hard time - with her brother not being Ok - i am still not her servant! "

No you are not her servant but she could be struggling with a very painful situation and demanding the driving from you could actually be asking for some help?

Original poster
tvsnacking · 05/10/2020 20:33

English is not my first language Grin
My dd and my ds is my world .
I am here for them all day, every day.
She was 11 before she slept by herself - and don't get me started on that debate! She needed me to sleep with her and I did, every night.
Now I'm out in the cold Grin
My ds need me to be online - on text - 24/7 if he need me. And i am, for both of them.
But she can get a taxi!

OP posts:
supersonicginandtonic · 05/10/2020 20:33

I've now read some of your updates. So your daughter has a brother with issues and she's trying to cope with all this and also has a mother who can't even be bothered to support her by taking 15 minutes out of her day to do a school run. Why did you become a mother OP?

Natsku · 05/10/2020 20:33

If she wants the freedom to make spontaneous decisions about bringing friends home then she needs to bike or walk. Its not like it even gets that cold in Denmark so if she wears appropriate clothing she'll be fine. We only drive DD if its really bad, stormy or -25 or suchlike, and OP's DD even has the option of the taxi so absolutely no need for OP to drive.

Nanny0gg · 05/10/2020 20:34

@formerbabe

I'd never send my dc in a taxi if I'm at home with access to a car and can drive. It's very unreasonable of you to send her in a taxi because you have anxiety...that needs addressing. Personally I'd feel far more anxious thinking of my child alone in a taxi.
If you live in a village in this country with no public transport, the LA sends a taxi for secondary school children to get to school.

What is the difference?

Scbchl · 05/10/2020 20:35

@supersonicginandtonic dont be so ridiculous. Your post is nonsense.

Original poster
tvsnacking · 05/10/2020 20:36

Holy mother of goods. I rest my case.
She can walk in 25 minuts. Ride a bike. Or get a taxi.
Ffs.
Poor lamb. She only have a taxi. What a World! Shock

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 05/10/2020 20:37

can a 12 year old take a taxi or ride a bike home

I vote for they can, but then I was desperate to be allowed to do things for myself.

The only reason I can image for someone wanting less independence.... is she actually acting out a bit, wanting your attention. Does your older child take up a lot of your attention so that the younger is feeling a bit left out ?

MynamarisBurma · 05/10/2020 20:38

If your anxiety is so great that an15 minute drive makes you so upset - then you need to get some serious medical/psychological help to address this.
Anxiety is a huge problem when it affects others. Especially your children.

MartiniDry · 05/10/2020 20:39

supersonic your comments are most unpleasant.

supersonicginandtonic · 05/10/2020 20:40

@Scbchl no it really isn't. That girl needs some support. She's at the most difficult stage in her life, her brother had mental health issues.
Do you know and understand the impact this may have on a child? I'm currently caring for my 15 year old nephew who's mother has similar issues. They need a lot more help and support than people think.
I also work in substance misuse and know the effects a loved ones drug and alcohol abuse has on others.

Original poster
tvsnacking · 05/10/2020 20:41

No. He is the swetest boy. We have no conflicts. Mobody argue.
Kids love eachother. Atmosphere at home is chilled and Ok.
She has plenty og mom time. All she want. Her brother love her. Really. Nobody argue.
But he has problems. Severe. And we are - age apporiate- open with her. She is good in School , has good friends. All is good with her. Besides this

OP posts:
PrivateD00r · 05/10/2020 20:44

OP you are absolutely doing nothing wrong. Of course your dd doesn't need to be driven to and from school at her age, there is nothing wrong with using school transport. She is being a spoiled about this and I wouldn't be giving in to her!

ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit · 05/10/2020 20:47

@formerbabe

I'd never send my dc in a taxi if I'm at home with access to a car and can drive. It's very unreasonable of you to send her in a taxi because you have anxiety...that needs addressing. Personally I'd feel far more anxious thinking of my child alone in a taxi.
Really? Why?

I drove my DCs to primary school as we live in the middle of nowhere and the school was three miles away. Now they go to secondary in the opposite direction I thought I would drive them too, but it turned out they are entitled to a taxi. I did dither a bit as I could afford it and felt wrong for costing the council money - but if they could lay on a bus it wouldn't be an issue.

Anyway - they have a taxi both ways and it's great - especially when the weather is freezing and I don't have to de-ice my car Grin! And I'm helping taxi drivers stay in work. I'm not anxious - I suppose because we are a very small local town and I have two DCs, but I don't really understand your point?

QueSera · 05/10/2020 20:48

@MidnightCitrus

Jog on from picking on me, I really don't care what you think is reasonable or not. I am entitled to an opinion, that is my opinion, the OP asked for opinions. What a nasty piece of work you are, bullying people on MN.

formerbabe · 05/10/2020 20:48

If you live in a village in this country with no public transport, the LA sends a taxi for secondary school children to get to school

What is the difference?

The op is a sahm with access to a car...in that situation I wouldn't use taxis whether the LA provided them or not

Montmartre · 05/10/2020 20:48

I do think many posters have skimmed and not understood that your other child needs 24/7 care at the moment.
It's not an unreasonable expectation that she manages her diary herself and plans ahead all of two hours to arrange the seat in the taxi if a friend is coming.

I wish you all the best with your son, and hope his placement helps Thanks

MidnightCitrus · 05/10/2020 20:49

@supersonicginandtonic

I've now read some of your updates. So your daughter has a brother with issues and she's trying to cope with all this and also has a mother who can't even be bothered to support her by taking 15 minutes out of her day to do a school run. Why did you become a mother OP?
what because she wants her dd to be able to plan with 2 hours notice, heres a grip love, you seem to have lost yours
Nanny0gg · 05/10/2020 20:55

@formerbabe

If you live in a village in this country with no public transport, the LA sends a taxi for secondary school children to get to school

What is the difference?

The op is a sahm with access to a car...in that situation I wouldn't use taxis whether the LA provided them or not

Well, if every parent did that there would be far too many cars on the road/congregating at the school making it dangerous for the children.

And the kids much prefer not having their parents around! (It's not 1 taxi per child)

The bliss of having secondary school children is that you are not tied to school runs, SAHM or not.

Nanny0gg · 05/10/2020 20:57

@MynamarisBurma

If your anxiety is so great that an15 minute drive makes you so upset - then you need to get some serious medical/psychological help to address this. Anxiety is a huge problem when it affects others. Especially your children.
Not everyone is cut out to be a driver.

Wish more people were that self-aware. The roads would be much safer

MidnightCitrus · 05/10/2020 21:00

[quote QueSera]@MidnightCitrus

Jog on from picking on me, I really don't care what you think is reasonable or not. I am entitled to an opinion, that is my opinion, the OP asked for opinions. What a nasty piece of work you are, bullying people on MN.[/quote]
Hardly bullying, in fact, I think what you were saying to the OP, clearly ignoring everything that the OP wrote about her anxiety, and later on her DS needing care, but yet you think that she should continue to drive her DD when there other perfectly acceptable options, just needing a little thought from the DD, and telling her that as she has been driving her for the last four years that she should just carry on.....is closer to bullying the OP, but you fill your boots, and keep thinking that I am the bad guy here

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