Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed on husbands birthday?

161 replies

Bellsandwhistle · 04/10/2020 16:21

I booked a lovely seaside restaurant to go to after a walk nearby. Told him the plan yesterday and he agreed. Wet here all morning but dried up by 2pm. I said let’s go in 15 min everyone get coats etc and be ready. He told my son he could call for a friend to go out and play - I said no you can’t as we are headed out. He then told my other son he could watch a program - again I said he we need to leave in about 15 min and he said he could still watch it. So son still watching program, husband still sat on sofa and basically there’s no point now. I’m quietly fuming!! AIBU?!

OP posts:
DappledThings · 04/10/2020 16:23

Did he want to celebrate his birthday out? Sounds like he might have preferred to stay in but didn't want to totally dismiss your idea out of politeness. So he's just avoiding it instead.

RedHelenB · 04/10/2020 16:24

His birthday his choice. Maybe he just wanted to chill.

sapnupuas · 04/10/2020 16:25

Was the table booked for this time?

BlueThistles · 04/10/2020 16:26

I booked a lovely seaside restaurant to go to after a walk nearby. Told him the plan yesterday and he agreed.

He's being a Dick in this case OP, go enjoy the seaside meal yourself. 🌺

RepeatSwan · 04/10/2020 16:27

It is his birthday his choice but very strange to not say he doesn't want to go? I'd be annoyed about that.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 04/10/2020 16:33

Told him the plan yesterday

You didn't ask him what he wanted to do for his birthday?

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 04/10/2020 16:34

He was all for it yesterday and would never agree to things out of politeness. He had the chance to say if he’d prefer to chill. That why I’m fuming that’s he’s just being lazy instead of 1. Getting off his ass and going or 2. Saying I don’t fancy that just cancel and try and book somewhere local instead.

OP posts:
Nikori · 04/10/2020 16:35

Go tell them to get going. It's really shitty to the restaurant to book and not show.

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 04/10/2020 16:36

Yes “told the plan” as if I ask he just says I don’t know let’s just see amd then nothing ever happens. Went with this on previous birthdays then on the day he moans you wouldn’t think it was my birthday!

OP posts:
Cynara · 04/10/2020 16:39

Did you ask him what he wanted to do for his birthday? It's not clear whether he was involved in the decision-making. If your booking of a restaurant was a surprise, I'm sort of in agreement with him in not being keen on it being sprung on me. Maybe more notice would have been a good idea. What was the background to this situation?

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 04/10/2020 16:39

We’d be late now and basically be driving an hour just to eat as we were to do an hour/hour amd a half’s walk beside restaurant. Agree its shit for restaurant. Cancelled when realised we couldn’t make it. Told them several times we needed to go or too late and no one moved. Really really pushed off.

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 04/10/2020 16:41

next year do nothing OP, seeing as he prefers this. 🌺

Cynara · 04/10/2020 16:42

Sorry - cross post. He's being a bit of a dick then, I'm afraid.

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2020 16:42

@Bellsandwhistle

We’d be late now and basically be driving an hour just to eat as we were to do an hour/hour amd a half’s walk beside restaurant. Agree its shit for restaurant. Cancelled when realised we couldn’t make it. Told them several times we needed to go or too late and no one moved. Really really pushed off.
I'm having trouble trying to think how the conversation went?

When you asked him why he wasn't getting ready to leave, what did he say?

PinkiOcelot · 04/10/2020 16:44

I’d just sit and do nothing now OP. When he asks what for tea, just shrug and say beats me!!

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 04/10/2020 16:50

Every time I said we need to go he said ds2 is watching his program!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 04/10/2020 16:52

He’s just got up amd said I’m away for a drive. I said are you serious I’ve been trying to get you out all day. He said yes no one else is doing anything for my birthday!! He does this type of thing all the time and will tell people I didn’t do anything for his birthday! I actually think I hate him!!!!

OP posts:
user1932456542587 · 04/10/2020 16:56

Sounds like he might have preferred to stay in but didn't want to totally dismiss your idea out of politeness.

How is any of this behaviour remotely polite? Wtf.

Op, does he do this kind of manipulative crap a lot?

Scweltish · 04/10/2020 16:57

Right, so this is FAR deeper than crossed wires about a birthday dinner then. He’s deliberately sabotaged his birthday celebrations that YOU planned and HE agreed to, just so he could strip and sulk and blame you for him doing nothing for his birthday.

DappledThings · 04/10/2020 17:00

@user1932456542587

Sounds like he might have preferred to stay in but didn't want to totally dismiss your idea out of politeness.

How is any of this behaviour remotely polite? Wtf.

Op, does he do this kind of manipulative crap a lot?

Yeah, in the light of further updates he is just being a dick.

From the OP only my initial assessment could have been accurate. Years ago, before I had the confidence to be completely honest about how much I hate my birthday I would have agreed to a birthday plan just to end the conversation then been delighted with any opportunity to delay it just to get out of it. Would have felt too rude just to say I wasn't interested so I would have been trying to be polite by just deflecting instead.

Now I'm mich more direct! Doesn't sound like this is the scenario though. Just that he's pretty horrible.

PullTheBricksDown · 04/10/2020 17:03

Don't do this for him again ever. Do nothing for his birthday and when he moans, to you or other people, tell them what happened today.

Given that you've said he does this all the time, I would seriously rethink ever making plans to do anything involving him again.

When he comes back, don't do anything special and say 'I worked out that you didn't want to do what I suggested so it's up to you' if he asks what's to eat tonight.

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 04/10/2020 17:06

Scweltish

Right, so this is FAR deeper than crossed wires about a birthday dinner then. He’s deliberately sabotaged his birthday celebrations that YOU planned and HE agreed to, just so he could strip and sulk and blame you for him doing nothing for his birthday.

Hits nail on head.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 04/10/2020 17:09

He’s a bastard. A seriously horrible bastard

I was all to say yabu, he obviously didn’t want to do anything but no.

He deliberately sabotaged everything just so he can throw a mantrum with his poor “woe is me” thing. “No one cares about me. No one wants to celebrate my birthday”

Eckhart · 04/10/2020 17:10

He does this type of thing all the time and will tell people I didn’t do anything for his birthday

So he's deliberately sabotaging things on a regular basis and then making you look bad to other people, based on his manipulations?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/10/2020 17:11

He sounds like an arsehole. I wouldn’t have an argument on his birthday, but this needs to be addressed tomorrow.