To be annoyed on husbands birthday?

[Bellsandwhistle]

I booked a lovely seaside restaurant to go to after a walk nearby. Told him the plan yesterday and he agreed. Wet here all morning but dried up by 2pm. I said let’s go in 15 min everyone get coats etc and be ready. He told my son he could call for a friend to go out and play - I said no you can’t as we are headed out. He then told my other son he could watch a program - again I said he we need to leave in about 15 min and he said he could still watch it. So son still watching program, husband still sat on sofa and basically there’s no point now. I’m quietly fuming!! AIBU?!

I’ve gone the no plans route before but then on the day he goes oh you’d never think it’s my birthday! Whatever I do or don’t do on his birthday is never right.

Is he like this all the time or just around his birthday?

I feel sick as I think you boy’s are 💯 right he is very manipulative. Afraid it’s a bit late for no argument!! When he said he was going out for a drive at exactly the time I’d booked the restaurant for I said that is really offensive. I’ve booked a lovely meal that you wouldn’t get up to go to and now you’re going for W drive?! Row ensued.

He sounds like a gaslighting, manipulative, sulky bully.

I guess the question is, what are you prepared to do about it OP?

Not just his birthday. Usually most times I make plans. He is very lazy.

That sounds wearing!
My exH was like this.
Whatever you did (or didn't do) was wrong.
Then he'd go do it himself.

I don’t think I could put up with this sort of behaviour long term

He is manipulative, gaslighting, sulking and worse, dragging your children into it buy encouraging them to do it too.

God crunchymum that’s the perfect description. He is very controlling and passive aggressive too. If it wasn’t for the kids I’d leave but I don’t want to split cause of them. He’d poison them against me.

52 and blue - did you leave cause of this? Do you have kids?

He's going to try to poison ur kids against u, whether you stay or leave - that's what abusive bullies do!

Better u leave and get a happier life than put up with that shite - if covid has taught us anything, life is too short!!

Sunlight there’d be years of stress/fights/disputes about money/house/kids. Kids childhood would be destroyed. I can’t do it to them.

He’s already poisoning the kids against you

You “Go get ready we are heading out”

Him “Call your friends ds and go watch that program you like”

You “No! Go and get ready!”

Him “see how much more I love you? I let you see your friends and watch what you want to watch”

He’s already poisoning them against you! Get out! He’s being an actual arsehole. What weird passive aggressive behaviour. Do yourself a favour sand get rid. Do you really want to do another lockdown with this man?

God you’re so right. I was annoyed at him amd kids but really they are just copying his behaviour. Fuck.

This sounds very damaging op. For your children as well as you.

Mallory he actually liked lockdown as is so lazy and it was a controllers gift.

Candy I’ve always thought I’m very strong and could cope but I’ve always said to myself once or damaged kids more by staying than going I’ll go.

Is there any chance he's gone for a meal with someone else, going by the timing he left and conveniently organising the kids to be busy?

If it wasn’t for the kids I’d leave but I don’t want to split cause of them. He’d poison them against me.

Come on, OP, this is a cop out. You know it’s better for kids not to grow up with a ‘gaslighting, manipulative, sulky bully.’ This is what they’ll become, the cycle will just perpetuate.

Sorry OP but he sounds a manipulative bully and a bit of an arse. Kids survive break ups. He'll put u down whether u are there or not. He is not showing the kids that he values you, but that it is ok to completely undermine you. This relationship is not based on equality. He is does not respect you at all. Time to seriously consider leaving and building a better life for u and your children.

Going for a drive?

Do you think he’s meeting someone and was waiting for them to confirm

Sounds like he is a complete and utter nob.

Also, really, really shitty thing to do to a restaurant at any time, but multiplied hugely in the current situation.

Please say he at least had the decency to ring and tell them you weren't coming rather than be a no-show.

Bit mean on restaurant to book and not show particularly atm

Def not meeting someone else - today anyway. He’s come back and made a show of making toast for his birthday dinner.

Came on to say what @babba2014 and @CornishTiger said.

Sorry OP It really looks like the kind of manipulative stunt that someone would pull in this scenario.

Where is he going for the drive? Could you tell the kids that they are to switch the TV off / come in now, and then tell him you'll him for his drive.