To be annoyed on husbands birthday?

[Bellsandwhistle]

I booked a lovely seaside restaurant to go to after a walk nearby. Told him the plan yesterday and he agreed. Wet here all morning but dried up by 2pm. I said let’s go in 15 min everyone get coats etc and be ready. He told my son he could call for a friend to go out and play - I said no you can’t as we are headed out. He then told my other son he could watch a program - again I said he we need to leave in about 15 min and he said he could still watch it. So son still watching program, husband still sat on sofa and basically there’s no point now. I’m quietly fuming!! AIBU?!

I've just told this to my husband and he said what an idiot. It is his own fault!

He's a dick, OP. Why are you even with him?

I'd tell him to fuck off and enjoy his drive out and I would order a nice takeaway for myself.

Do not give into him.

Aw only little miss am jealous!! He sounds like a keeper.

I made tea for me amd kids and he acted like a martyr with his toast🤣

He won’t want the kids every weekend. I’ve been on MN long enough to see these kind of men rarely do.

@Bellsandwhistle

I made tea for me amd kids and he acted like a martyr with his toast🤣

Nice! What’d you have?

Good advice billy. I am emotionally detached through a good few years of this. Second part is the hard one....

I put up with this sort of shit for years and 12 years later still thank God I don't have to still put up with it! Please leave!

Lol pizza and hotdogs - not a huge amount in fridge as were meant to be out 😡

Nice, better than his toast

God dotty I am seriously considering it. I go away for a week with kids each summer and it’s honestly so freeing and relaxing not having to take account of him! I’d prefer it like that but I know it would be hard for kids. I’m in 2 minds.

I know it is OP.
No one is suggesting this to happen overnight.

Just that you take a hard look and see if you want to make a plan.

Don't worry about what he says.
People are not as stupid as you think.

Do you REALLY think a lazy poisonous slob like him would run a round after his children doing his best for them?

Would he hell.

He's only good for trying to undermine you.
Prick.

Talk to people IRL as to how utterly miserable you are and see how you can make a plan.

He is toxic.
Your home is toxic because of him.
Take your time and make your plan.

You deserve a future.

What an arsehole.

You need to leave and show your children that his behaviour is not acceptable. If you don’t the pattern will continue.

💐💐💐

Is he having an affair? "I'm going for a drive"???

Aw billy you’ll never know how much I need that kindness tonight and everyone else for your support. I’ve never talked to anyone properly in RL but one friend who we once holidayed with probably got a bit of an insight into his sheer laziness and selfishness. I’ve 2 friends in RL who I would trust to talk it over with but even that feels like a big step as once I put it put there....

Really don’t think affair or certainly not today. He does put to garage loads to smoke so could easily call then no need for a drive. He was only away 10 min and had been to shop. No other signs of affair on other days but know anything is possible.

I feel sorry for the restaurant

Tell your friends OP.
Get support.
Stop protecting him.

Who cares if he's having an affair.

You need to get away from him and this life.

First step...talk to those two friends.

I just saw the ages of the kids!! I would understand your point if they were 1 and 4! By the time this ever got to a court they will both be in high school and he would have very little power to force contact with 2 teenage lads.

My mum and dad split up when I was a kid and it's the best thing my Mum ever did for us. I'm very proud of her for it.

Kids see a lot more than more than you think, they'll be quite aware of what he's like and even if they aren't, if you leave they'll at least get half the time away from him and his toxic influence.

Do you want to teach them that they should stay in a relationship however bad it is? Let them see you making active choices in your life in order to make you and them happier.

So what exactly are you getting from this relationship? Fast forward 10/20 years... how will you feel when your children are treating their partners in this way? I imagine you wouldn't be proud of the children you've raised. You need to stamp on this and show them that his behaviour is completely unacceptable and no way to treat someone.

@Bellsandwhistle

I can’t put people straight as I don’t know what he actually tells them and I’m not in the habit of airing dirty linen in public.

You are wise.

But I suspect people know anyway; no one is going to look highly upon a man complaining that no one did anything for his birthday. Sounds pathetic.

Was he always like this?

Gosh I’d hate to see my boys treat a partner like this and the whole similarity to his dad is worrying. I’d love for his mother to talk to him explain what it was like for her. He’s a bully amd so was his dad although again he was mr charming in public. He once told his mum to keep quiet at a family meal and that she talked like a child. I wondered of he said that in public what was he like in private.

Hanna I don’t think so though ever since I met him everything in his life has been someone else fault. Early days he was lazy as business partner not pulling his weight. According to him. With hindsight now I realise this probably wasn’t true.

He def made an effort pre marriage but thinking about it not so much since then. God that’s a realisation. I remember a few big rows throughout pregnancy including ironically one on my bday. I was pg with ds1 amd he worked late so bday meal cancelled. I was really sick with pg esp after 5pm so was in bed when he got back about 9 and he’d been to Tesco on way home amd boght dog food but not a card or flowers. Fuck. I should have left years ago shouldn’t i?!