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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:
MushMonster · 03/10/2020 22:34

I think you really love that village house indeed! Are you sure you cannot get a 3 bed in that village?

I would though choose 3 bed, one for each of the children. More space for them if possible, close to school and college later on, and ammenities and easy for them to see friends.

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 22:34

@Minimumstandard

It's going to be tough for them never being able to invite their friends home. Are you happy with the fact they may essentially live in their friends' houses when they're older?
They can bring friends over. I'm sure they will.
OP posts:
Inertia · 03/10/2020 22:36

If you choose to move 45 minutes from the town where the children’s school, friends and likely future activities are, and then refuse to drive them , I think you’ll be storing up a whole heap of resentment.

If you’re planning to eventually move away from the village, it seems crazy to live there just for the few years while your children need to get themselves to school, begin to socialise and organise their own activities but are not yet old enough to drive.

If it’s 45 minutes in the car it’s probably well over an hour on a bus - when your children are working for their GCSEs, it can’t be ideal to have them lose a couple of hours each day when they could be studying.

Mumisnotmyonlyname · 03/10/2020 22:36

I don't think you're selfish. Lots of teens like sharing.

Charles11 · 03/10/2020 22:36

I’m saying town too. Your dcs are growing up, they’ll be wanting to hang out with friends more, they’ve got GCSEs coming up, then A levels.
They may want to stay out after school. It will make a big difference to how close to the school and to their friends they live.
Sharing a room makes it harder if they have lots of work or revision and need to stay up late.
Yes, people can make do but if you have a choice, then go for the one that works for everyone rather than one that’s a desire for one.

NeverTalksToStrangers · 03/10/2020 22:36

The cottage is going to feel small enough without being a small house undergoing renovations. Dust everywhere etc

Can you not find something suitable in your current village or elsewhere?

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 22:37

I think you really love that village house indeed! Are you sure you cannot get a 3 bed in that village?

No - 3 beds in the village are way out of my price range. It's this one or nothing.

OP posts:
LittleMissLockdown · 03/10/2020 22:37

They can bring friends over. I'm sure they will.

How? Do you honestly think their mates are going to want to pay train fare or for a bus ticket to sit in a tiny living room or shared bedroom in a village with nothing to do. Hmm

WhereToCut · 03/10/2020 22:38

@Mumisnotmyonlyname

I don't think you're selfish. Lots of teens like sharing.
I don't think it is the sharing that is the issue - it is the location!
vanillandhoney · 03/10/2020 22:39

They can bring friends over. I'm sure they will.

No they won't. Their mates won't want to fork out for train and bus fares to go to a village with nothing to do, when they can all stay in town, save the fare and go to the cinema or bowling or anything else fun.

You're being so selfish it's actually quite unbelievable. But so long as you get your little chocolate box house, who cares? Right?

MJMG2015 · 03/10/2020 22:39

@KarenCaron

What's wrong with it being about the op? The kids are happy, divide the bigger bedroom for them. You'll still be living there long after they've moved on to uni or wherever. Has it got a garden? Maybe you could put a cabin up or something for a bit of extra study space.
If it was her firever home I'd have similar thoughts, but it's not. She's planning on doing it up & making a profit then buying something else.

Trouble is, it's not ideal for the boys. At 12 & 24, they're too you g to know what they'll need at 15 & 17, but that's supposedly why they have parents!

@Mooseflake

Chocolate Box in the ideal village sounds lovely. But you're divorcing your Husband, not your children. You NEED 3 bedrooms & you would be daft to move to a small village with boys the ages of yours.

You need to find a property in the town that you can improve and make a profit on & think about what you ALL need now - space & convenience of things in the doorstep.

The village will be there when the boys are grown.

Honestly - you'd be MAD to buy the cottage.

Did you get a bigger %age if the family home because you're housing the boys?

If not Ex needs to jeep his thoughts to himself!

If you did, I can understand him wanting better for the boys than sharing a room in a cottage in a village because you fancy it.

Sohardtochooseausername · 03/10/2020 22:41

I’d buy near to their dad and the school, and allow them to have a room each. Surely you can find somewhere you can do up and make money and then go somewhere you’ve always dreamed of in 5 years or so when they leave home?

bananachocolate · 03/10/2020 22:42

I'd be really hurt if my parent made the decision you're making. They might now care now but they absolutely will in the future. It's also impractical.
It would be one thing to navigate the (many) problems that living in the village would cause if there was no option but there is an option are you're choosing to make things difficult for them.
Also you say you won't become their taxi but what about when they phone you drunk and missed the last bus? You'll inevitably become the taxi

Minimumstandard · 03/10/2020 22:42

I think you've got to be realistic about how much you will see your teens when they are older if you go for the village house. Teens tend to hang out at the houses closest to school and prefer not having to make polite conversation with parents or include younger siblings. So a tiny house 45 minutes away where your sons don't have their own bedrooms to escape to and there's only one small living room is unlikely to be an attractive option for them.

WhereToCut · 03/10/2020 22:42

They can bring friends over. I'm sure they will. - But that is if their friends can get to yours. 45 minutes away. Or a 90 minute round trip for their friends parents to drop them off and then another 90 minutes round trip for friends parents to pick them up? Really?

Living 20 minutes away (as you do at the moment) is just about bearable. I talk as someone whose DD's friends live 20/25 minutes away. We facilitate lifts etc. But if I had to drive for 90 minutes to drop DD off? Er...god. What a ball ache.

Scrapper142 · 03/10/2020 22:42

Something about this isn't adding up.

But if it's genuine. Telling kids of that age if you pick here no mum taxi service is asking kids to comprehend something that at that age they can't. A 12 cannot factor in that in 5 years they will have a very different life view. You're the adult, make the best decision for the next phase of your families life (probably until youngest is 18). Then buy your perfect house, just for you.

titchy · 03/10/2020 22:43

Blimey OP you can't be arsed to drive them to/from the town. What on Earth makes you think their friends' parents will be happy to drop their kids with a 90 minute round trip! Teens won't take a 45 min bus ride to see friends - they'll visit local mates, go to local pubs.

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 22:43

It's the best way I can see to climb the property ladder - affordable houses in that village are rare, if I can do it up i stand to make a decent profit on it and eventually get to our forever home.

OP posts:
strawberrymilkshakemonkey · 03/10/2020 22:44

i literally can't believe how selfish and immature you sound. is this a reverse?
in five years your boys will be 17 and 19. most kids don't fully move out until they're a bit older. will they still not mind sharing then?

5 years is a long time. it's your kids' most crucial years. you sound selfish as heck.

vanillandhoney · 03/10/2020 22:45

@Mooseflake

It's the best way I can see to climb the property ladder - affordable houses in that village are rare, if I can do it up i stand to make a decent profit on it and eventually get to our forever home.
No, your forever home. Your kids will be gone in a few years. Once again, it's all about you.

But I'm starting to think you're on the wind up as I don't think anyone could actually be this selfish.

LittleMissLockdown · 03/10/2020 22:46

@Mooseflake

It's the best way I can see to climb the property ladder - affordable houses in that village are rare, if I can do it up i stand to make a decent profit on it and eventually get to our forever home.
But in 5 years they won't consider a new house their forever home as the youngest will be just about to go to uni and the eldest will be 19 almost 20 so probably on the verge of moving out probably back to the town to be nearer to their friends and father.
CaledoniaCatalan · 03/10/2020 22:47

I'm at a loss as to why you started this thread. The majority of the posters agree with your ex and dm but you still seem set on the village regardless of the opinions given to you

Minimumstandard · 03/10/2020 22:47

If you want to climb the property ladder by taking on a project, could you not look for a doer upper in the town where their school is?

WhereToCut · 03/10/2020 22:48

in 5 years time the property market will be fucked anyway.

I am beginning to agree with PP - this has to be a reverse? No one could be this shortsighted surely?

NeverTalksToStrangers · 03/10/2020 22:50

@Mooseflake

It's the best way I can see to climb the property ladder - affordable houses in that village are rare, if I can do it up i stand to make a decent profit on it and eventually get to our forever home.
You do realise that an older house in need of repair could turn out to be a money drain?

You seem confident that you're going to make a fortune whilst the whole world is on the brink of recession.

I think you're fooling yourself and being incredibly selfish.