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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:
Bikingbear · 08/10/2020 19:15

I think you Dad saying no and pointing out the boys have a choice in where they live could be the things that would make her reconsider.

karenkanta · 08/10/2020 20:17

Why should the ex have to shell out more (even assuming he has more available) to indulge OP's sister's every whim

It's not the ops whim to move to the 3 bed place though, she's happy with 2 bed one she can afford. It's the ex and the op who want her to increase her debt and go for the 3 bed place Confused

Rapunzathepenguin · 08/10/2020 21:36

If the village is all that and so incredibly desirable, I sincerely hope your sister's sale falls through to someone else looking for a chocolate box life. (Which normally turn out not to be as idyllic as people think. Read the columns by Liz Smith in the Daily Mail as an example. She does know she can't get her childhood back, right?)

Those poor kids. What if the bus gets cancelled, permanently? It's not unheard of for councils to run out of money, especially in the current climate. What if she gets sick and finds herself unable to drive at all? What if Tesco (or Waitrose) stop delivering food and all they can get is stuff from the local Co-op? How close is the nearest hospital, doctor, library?

If she wants the house all that much, why doesn't she sleep on a camp bed in the living room and at least let the boys have their own rooms? She's already deliberately cutting them off from having much chance of making friends, at a crucial time in their lives.

She's on target for a long, lonely old age if she does this, and frankly, she'll deserve it.

MoonJelly · 08/10/2020 21:50

@karenkanta

Why should the ex have to shell out more (even assuming he has more available) to indulge OP's sister's every whim

It's not the ops whim to move to the 3 bed place though, she's happy with 2 bed one she can afford. It's the ex and the op who want her to increase her debt and go for the 3 bed place Confused

But the sister can afford a three bed house, she just doesn't want to because it wouldn't be in the pretty village - even though it would be better for the children to continue to have a bedroom each, and living in town would also be better for them on all sorts of counts. At some point you have to consider which is more important, your children's wellbeing or living in a chocolate box village.
Alabamawhirly1 · 08/10/2020 22:04

It's not the ops whim to move to the 3 bed place though, she's happy with 2 bed one she can afford. It's the ex and the op who want her to increase her debt and go for the 3 bed place

As I understood it both houses cost the same. But the three bed is in a town and the 2 bed is in an upmarket village so costs more.

The quandary isn't really about cost. It's about whether she should have her "dream" house at the detriment of her sons or get a standard house in a town to give her children a better quality of life.

karenkanta · 08/10/2020 22:15

The op said this:

The town house was more expensive, but she's had a massive pay out from her divorce. The cottage is well below her budget, she will have a tiny mortgage. I don't know why she's unable to stretch herself a bit more, take a bigger mortgage and go for somewhere that suits the DNs.

So clearly she would be stretching herself more financially. And maybe she doesn't want to do that Confused

MoonJelly · 08/10/2020 23:34

But OP said she would also be taking on expense in doing up the village place, and that seems inevitable if she wants to divide a room. So I suspect things would even out. It still comes down to whether she really wants to mess up her children's lives and potentially lose them to their father whilst she pursues her property fantasies.

karenkanta · 09/10/2020 07:17

Who knows if it would even out. The person who it's really about isn't even here. Just the sister and her perception of the situation.

Maybe you should get your sister to join the thread op. After all, it is all about her.

MyOtherProfile · 12/10/2020 21:19

Not a bad idea karenkanta. If I was the OP I'd show it to the sister I think.

MarshmallowsOnToast · 15/10/2020 11:35

So looks like OP has gone for the small property in the end.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/property/4050865-Can-I-split-this-loft-room-to-make-2-bedrooms-help

Caroncanta · 15/10/2020 12:11

That's not the op?

perfumeistooexpensive · 15/10/2020 12:56

Has she had a survey on the cottage? I'm guessing that it's riddled with asbestos etc. There's a great programme on in the afternoons at the moment called The Great House Giveaway where two strangers get to do up a house to make enough for a deposit for a house of their own. It's a minefield. So far, only one pair have made anywhere near enough. The problems they find when they start renovating are eye watering. Does your DSis think they can live in it when she's renovating it? It could need new plumbing, electrics, woodworm and damp addressed, let alone a possible new roof. She needs a full structural survey before she goes any further. The last thing I'd do is move 45 minutes from town with teenagers. When I got divorced I bought a house near everything. It needed lots of work, but it was big so we could camp out in it while work was done.

MarshmallowsOnToast · 15/10/2020 15:26

@Caroncanta

That's not the op?
Because nobody ever changes names/small details so it's not "outing"...
tttigress · 15/10/2020 16:23

I was kind of with you on the 2 bedder, until you said your main goal was to flip it after 5 years to make money.

Caroncanta · 15/10/2020 16:52

Because nobody ever changes names/small details so it's not "outing"...

Always possible I suppose. Although MN has a lot of members, undoubtedly there will be others who are also renovating a 2 bed property. And the op here isn't actually the person buying the property anyway, it's her sister that is. Unless it's her sister over there!

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