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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:
LittleMissLockdown · 03/10/2020 22:15

@Mooseflake

I grew up in a small house in a village, we coped. The DSs are excited about the idea, they are looking forward to having their own place after renting.
It honestly does seem like you've made your mind up. Surely if they are excited about having their own home then they would be even more excited to have one close to their friends and school with the added bonus of their own rooms.

I wojld agree with buying the cottage od it was your dream house, but it's not. Therefore, you should instead be concentrating on finding a new home that meets everyones needs. Not just a house that ticks off a box on some made up list.

Minimumstandard · 03/10/2020 22:16

Is there a frequent bus service?

Freshfaced · 03/10/2020 22:16

Also... you would have and two teen sons in a 2 bed house with only one living room.

I currently own a couple of teenage boys. They get very big very quickly. Their massive shoes will take over the hall. Their gigantic stuff is everywhere and they themselves are loud and messy and clumsy ( and lovely 😃.) The village house means that there won't be an opportunity for any of you to be on your own. And what happens if they fall out (and they will)? Or get a girlfriend? Or want to watch Netflix late at night? Or (based on the sudden random appearance of sheets in my washer) do other stuff...?

This is selfish. Move to the village when it's just you to think about.

SciFiScream · 03/10/2020 22:16

I live in 'the town' but on the outskirts...I'd love to live closer to friends (mine too) and the school and...well everything. We're not that far away really but when I compare with my friends (comparison is the thief of joy!) it's pretty rubbish.

I'm only 10/15 minutes further out. 45 minutes is a lot (and my 10/15 minutes is walking...not driving!!!)

Are there any creative solutions? Could you buy the dream house and turn it over in 2 years not 5? Then move back into town.

Could you find an in town house that needs doing up? Even if you go for a 2-bed to save money? Given that DSs don't seem to mind sharing.

EmiliaAirheart · 03/10/2020 22:17

If the 2 bed isn’t even where you see yourself living when they’re grown, I wouldn’t even consider it. A bedroom each, In town, near their school and friends, and closer to their father really is a no brainer. I’m really surprised you see the other option as some fabulous opportunity!

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 22:18

@Minimumstandard

Is there a frequent bus service?
Yes, and it's on the main trainline into town so they have that option
OP posts:
LittleMissLockdown · 03/10/2020 22:21

Yes it's 45 minutes from town. I've made it clear to DSs that if we move there they'll have to find their own way back and forth on the bus, no Mum's taxi for me!

That's beyond selfish. You as the adult are choosing to live somewhere so far away from their social circle. Therefore it's your responsibility to ensure they can still maintain those links. You can't expect them to live in a remote area and not taxi thek places.

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 22:22

Are there any creative solutions? Could you buy the dream house and turn it over in 2 years not 5? Then move back into town

I could probably turn the cottage over in less than 5 years, yes, but if I move up the ladder, it will be in the village, not in town. It's a highly desirable place, if I get a foot in the door there I won't be moving back to town!!

OP posts:
DDiva · 03/10/2020 22:22

Honestly the next few years are crucial for your kids. They will be going through their teans and important study years, their own space is so important.

I think this is one of those times the kids needs have to come first.

Ikeameatballs · 03/10/2020 22:22

I think buying the village house would be bonkers but I’m not sure that you care?

Your dc would need to share at a time when their need for personal space and room to study is significantly increasing. You’d be limiting their social lives significantly as you clearly won’t take them into town to meet friends an a 45min journey is limiting.

But hey, it will be a pretty cottage.....

I can’t see that this will make you happy as a family.

WhereToCut · 03/10/2020 22:23

45 minutes!

So they miss the bus? Or need you to pick them up from school for an appointment. The bus service is reduced post-Covid. They are going to a best friends party. That is a 90 minute round trip for you each and every time.

Plus as PP have said - teenagers with tiny space - when you could afford more.

I think you are being short-sighted and either very stubborn (because your DM/Ex have an opposing view) or very selfish.

Oh and chococlate box villages can often be hellish places to live. You either don't fit in because you weren't born there, don't have enough money, having not moved in after selling your expensive city pad and bought a 5 bed "Country LIfe" place, or just not been around long enough. As a PP said - it takes 5-10 years plus to get accepted .

Johntaylorschin · 03/10/2020 22:23

I lived in a village as a teen, if there was any hint of snow the buses stopped, buses broke down or just didn’t turn up, I frequently had to walk the 4 miles home down country lanes often in the dark, whatever the weather, I hated it.

fatbottomgirl67 · 03/10/2020 22:25

Can't believe that all these people had their own rooms when they were younger. We have 3 kids in a 3 bed house in a village. Not a huge space but we've survived quite happily. Eldest 2 both at uni and still share a room when home. I doesnt hurt them to share. Villages are not places where nothing ever happens. The op says there are buses and trains too so not sure why there is do much negativity. Her kids are happy to do it so why is it so wrong?

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 22:26

Well my ExH doesn't have any say in the matter really. He's told me what he thinks would be best for the DS, but it's not him who has to live in the town is it.

OP posts:
Minimumstandard · 03/10/2020 22:27

The frequent bus and train services make it slightly less unreasonable. The space is still an issue... Can you hold out for a slightly bigger property or one that offers the possibility of doing a loft conversion?

A minimum 90 minute daily commute to school and back is not something I would choose for my DC. It just seems such a waste of study and activity time at a formative stage of their lives. But I know there are children who do longer commutes. There's a thread about a child commuting 3.5 hours a day on here somewhere.

StellaGib · 03/10/2020 22:27

3 bedroom house in a town near their school, friends and leisure opportunities and a bedroom each is a million times better for two teenage boys than a little 2 bed cottage in a quiet village.

NeverTalksToStrangers · 03/10/2020 22:27

Where do you live at the moment OP?
And how many bedrooms?

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 22:28

I grew up in a small village. I appreciated being somewhere rural. Sure, I wanted to be near my friends at times, but I would just stay at theirs after nights out.

OP posts:
LittleMissLockdown · 03/10/2020 22:28

@Mooseflake

Well my ExH doesn't have any say in the matter really. He's told me what he thinks would be best for the DS, but it's not him who has to live in the town is it.
So this clearly isn't about your children and what's best for them. Its a willfull decision based on achieving something on a list and pissing off your husband?
MondeoFan · 03/10/2020 22:30

Choose the house you want. I had this dilemma and went for 2 bed in highly desirable village with good networks and roads and schools.
They share a room in a 2 bed bungalow. Eldest is 15. All fine so far. Only place to do homework is in lounge at the table

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 22:30

@NeverTalksToStrangers

Where do you live at the moment OP? And how many bedrooms?
I live in a different village, which is also about 20 mins away from town. We rent a 3 bed house. They are used to the commute.

We intially looked at a 3 bed in town, and DS were quite keen on it. But it wasn't the village experience I wanted. They're excited about the idea of doing up the cottage.

OP posts:
Minimumstandard · 03/10/2020 22:32

It's going to be tough for them never being able to invite their friends home. Are you happy with the fact they may essentially live in their friends' houses when they're older?

WeAllHaveWings · 03/10/2020 22:32

With 2 teens coming up to an age where they will both need a quiet space to study for exams (2 hours a night and more at the weekends) I'd look for somewhere with more space.

vanillandhoney · 03/10/2020 22:32

I actually think you're being pretty selfish.

You want your teenage sons to commute 45 minutes each way and share a bedroom so you can live in a "pretty chocolate box house" for a few years before you do it up and sell it on.

What about your sons needs? If they have to catch the train or bus, who's going to pay for their fares? You can't be arsed to drive them anywhere but want to put them out and make them do a long commute everyday - why?

If you can't be arsed to drive and aren't going to keep the house forever, why on earth wouldn't you make things easier for everyone involved and go for the three bed with easy access to their schools and social lives?

Littleposh · 03/10/2020 22:33

I honestly think you are being very selfish. Why not just move to this village in a few years when your children have moved out??

Also, why would you not give them lifts to be able to see their friends when it is you that i taking them away from them??!!