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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:
combatbarbie · 03/10/2020 22:54

I'm rarely shocked on MN but your comment about not being mum taxi has left me speechless!

This is YOUR dream house in YOUR dream village and the needs of your children are not even considered, and worst of all your not willing to facilitate your children's needs as a compromise. They are excited because you've sold them a dream.... They aren't if age to think about long term implications of sharing, studying or socialising.

But you are not even listening to us.
Poster: AIBU
MN: Yes
Poster: No I'm not.

Bringonspring · 03/10/2020 22:55

The house should suit everyone, you should go for the 3bed. Your children have been through a lot, much better for them to be near school friends and closer to their dad

ohflipit · 03/10/2020 22:56

Oh for goodness sake woman, stop being so bloody selfish! GET THE THREE BED HOUSE

WitchesNStuff · 03/10/2020 22:58

Wow, you sound extremely selfish. Its really sad that you are putting your DCs way behind so many other things. They should be your number 1 priority but they seem to come behind a list of meaningless things.

Get a house that is big enough for you all properly and when they leave home if you can get something in the village then if you can. Teens need their own space, somewhere quiet to study, somewhere to chill. I can't believe they are actually excited about doing up a cottage, esp one that is 45 mins away from anywhere.

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 23:01

There's a train, and buses, I'm not moving to the Outer Hebrides for goodness sake! Lots of children get the bus to school - plenty of other people choose to live in that village, why shouldn't we!

Like I said, I grew up in a small village with almost no bus service actually. I was fine!

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 03/10/2020 23:01

Pick location every time. By which I mean handy location to school. Otherwise your children will end up so isolated as they get older, but are too young to drive. Pretty little villages have sod all for teenagers, and appalling public transport.

Lemoncordial · 03/10/2020 23:02

Your boys need space to study. You need a 3 bed, or a 2 bed with a reception room where they can study.

strawberrymilkshakemonkey · 03/10/2020 23:03

OP, why have you made this thread when you've already made up your mind?

LittleMissLockdown · 03/10/2020 23:04

plenty of other people choose to live in that village, why shouldn't we!

Because as literally hundreds of posts have pointed out. The village doesn't work for your family circumstances. I'm honestly not sure which part of everyones comments you don't understand. Confused

ohflipit · 03/10/2020 23:04

Give up folks. This selfish woman has clearly already made up her mind and is too stubborn to see sense. I feel sorry for those poor boys

AdoptAdaptImprove · 03/10/2020 23:05

I’m struck by the way your posts all begin with or include ‘I want’. This is all about you. Your children, as with all children, are bad at picturing hypotheticals. You are supposed to be the adult in this situation, work out what is best for you AS A FAMILY, and support your children.

Two boys of wanking and exam-taking age aren’t going to want to share a small cottage bedroom for long, and there’s clearly not enough space to allow them both to study to their full potential,mor to offer creative solutions to giving them quiet and private space. Your role is to give them the best possible start in life. They shouldn’t have to ‘manage’ or ‘cope’ when you have perfectly viable alternatives.

This cottage is your dream, one you can pursue when they have left home - which they will be better equipped to do after a happy adolescence and getting the best results from their education that they can. Make sure the decisions you take now contribute to their success, and don’t make them have to try to succeed despite them.

Esspee · 03/10/2020 23:06

I really don’t see a point to this thread. We are saying 3 bed but your mind is made up.

SD1978 · 03/10/2020 23:06

I'm sorry I wouldn't but the two bedroom- their entire high school will be sharing a room and whilst they say they don't mind now, they are getting to an age where they may want some privacy. Also further away from friends and school- their dad being closer is less of an issue with the limited custody he has. They will be wanting to spend time in town with their friends surely? Not in a wee village away from everyone they know. For me, I'd love the cottage too, but for the kids I'd have to say town.

quieterinreallife · 03/10/2020 23:06

I think you don't want to admit that your ex and your dm are right!! Either that or this is a complete wind up!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/10/2020 23:07

They really won’t want to share indefinitely
They say that now but ....
As you asked I’d say get a 3 bed
Sorry

SD1978 · 03/10/2020 23:10

Sorry- juts also realised- their school journey will be at least an hour and half daily, and you won't drive them to meet friends because you don't like driving? You are being incredibly selfish, and isolating your children, almost teenagers, and I'm sorry- I very strongly disagree with you. This is all about what you want, and no cosideration to the impact it will have on the kids.

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 23:10

I don't see why they can't do their homework in their bedroom, surely? THat's where I did all mine as a kid.

I'm going to look at options for a partition, to split the room for them. Not sure how we'll deal with the window, I guess some creative lighting for the room that gets the short straw.

I really don't like the idea of living in the town, even if it does give us a bigger house. They think they want to be near the park etc, but that means they'll just be hanging around there after school which isn't ideal either!

OP posts:
Bikingbear · 03/10/2020 23:13

I don't intend to stay long at the house, I'd like to do it up and make some profit on it. Maybe 5 years maximum. So it's not my forever home, I don't love it. But it's the only place in the location that I really want to live in.

If it was your forever home I'd say village as you'll be there much longer than the boys. But its not your forever home.
Buy the 3 bed in town then move to the village in 10 years when they've moved out. A 45min commute to school and friends will be a pain in the bum.

MinesAPintOfTea · 03/10/2020 23:15

They think they want to be near the park etc, but that means they'll just be hanging around there after school which isn't ideal either!

Why isn't that ideal? What is more undesirable about an hour on the park than 1.5 hours (or more) on a bus every day?

AdoptAdaptImprove · 03/10/2020 23:16

@Mooseflake

I don't see why they can't do their homework in their bedroom, surely? THat's where I did all mine as a kid.

I'm going to look at options for a partition, to split the room for them. Not sure how we'll deal with the window, I guess some creative lighting for the room that gets the short straw.

I really don't like the idea of living in the town, even if it does give us a bigger house. They think they want to be near the park etc, but that means they'll just be hanging around there after school which isn't ideal either!

Two boys trying to work in the same space, full of all their stuff? Good luck refereeing that.

And please don’t consider making one of your children live in a bedroom without a window. Do you know how desperate that sounds?

Add into the mix ongoing improvement works for five years - I would be very surprised if they aren’t begging to go and live with their father within a year.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 03/10/2020 23:18

So a child doing all homework in a bedroom with no natural daylight? Not near friends. A mum who doesn’t want to drive them often into the nearest town. It’s awful that you would make this your active choice. Many children, sadly, live miserable or deprived or sub par teenage years and their parents have no choice about it. To be able to do better for your sons and eschew those better options and choose what you seem set on doing, is really quite shocking to me. I hope they can live with their dad if they wish to.

ohflipit · 03/10/2020 23:18

Can't the boys live with their Dad full time? At least he seems be aware of their needs and concerned about their welfare

LittleMissLockdown · 03/10/2020 23:18

I would be very surprised if they aren’t begging to go and live with their father within a year.

Maybe that's the intention. I mean why else would a parent knowingly isolate her teens, refuse to give them lifts, make them share a room or split the room so one has no window and renovate a house whilst they were in the middle of exams??

CaledoniaCatalan · 03/10/2020 23:18

You can't possibly make one of your DS's sleep in a room without a window, it's effectively a cupboard

AdultierAdult · 03/10/2020 23:20

Your ex's opinion is irrelevant.

How long do you spend at home? How long do you spend out? How much do you lean on local amenities and communities?

I love a period house but right now I'm living in a converted 70s house and it's so spacious and easy. Not my style, but I see it for about 10 seconds a day as I pull up outside. I miss our old place but realistically we spend way more time inside the house than enjoying the area and the way the outside looks. But you are your own person with your own lifestyle!

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