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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:43

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood

You have clearly decided. Why ask on here?
Because ExH and my DM have made me doubt myself. They've said all of the things you've all said on here, but they can't see the opportunity that I can! I can have a house in this sought after village, even if it's not 'The one', I'm sure I can do it up and make a decent profit on it.
OP posts:
KarenCaron · 03/10/2020 21:43

2 bed. Definitely.

CeibaTree · 03/10/2020 21:45

It's a small cottage, so there's only one living room, so not really anywhere else for the DCs to do their homework. They'll just have to get used to doing it at the kitchen table or in their room.

If I was buying a house it would have to work for the whole family, not just me. Would there really be enough room in their shared bedroom for 2 desks? Sounds like it would be really cramped.

peakotter · 03/10/2020 21:46

Four years until your eldest may well leave home. Surely you buy the right house for them in the short term. Don’t be a taxi driver.

If you’re really concerned that in 5 years you won’t be able to buy a house in that village then you could buy the 2 bed house and rent it out, then rent somewhere in the town for the next few years.

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:46

Their Dad doesn't live in the town, he lives several hours drive away, but the town is 45 mins closer to him - he just wants the convenience of cutting his journey down when he collects and drops then off for his visits.

I'm the one who this will affect, it's nothing to do with him.

OP posts:
VirginiaWolverine · 03/10/2020 21:46

Honestly, the village house sounds miserable. No peace and quiet, no privacy, no study space for GCSEs and A levels, no way of meeting friends, getting a job or getting a bit more independence, relying on a reluctant parent for social interaction outside the family. That's assuming the village doesn't have a regular, frequent, day snd night bus service

User36258 · 03/10/2020 21:46

I think the three bed in town sounds like a better option for the moment. In a two bed with a reasonably small living space your boys will never get time out to themselves, and that’s really important at their age. Plus if they’re closer to their school it’s more convenient for them and easier for them to socialise with their friends.

I would save the chocolate box house for yourself in a few years time when your boys have possibly moved out.

OwlBasket · 03/10/2020 21:46

This HAS to be a reverse of some sort. It sounds incredibly selfish and shortsighted to go for the cottage in the village.

Lazypuppy · 03/10/2020 21:47

This is all about you and not what is best for your kids.

If you live in the town they can socialise on theit own, in the village you will have to drive them.everywhere, or they will want to spend more time at their dads

SilenceOfThePrams · 03/10/2020 21:47

Village!

Give them the larger bedroom and get them cabin beds with desks underneath - they can put them back to back with plywood in between to partition the room if they need to.

You won’t be running into your ex around the corner all the time, you’ll be in the place you e always wanted to be in, and if it’s that sought-after it’ll probably be easy to sell on later if you need to.

FippertyGibbett · 03/10/2020 21:47

I would go with 3 bedrooms. Kids struggle to get on the housing ladder these days so they might be with you longer than you think.

User36258 · 03/10/2020 21:49

Also, if you don’t want to be ferrying them around you should really go for the house in town. You’ll have to be their taxi driver if you go for the village house.

keeprocking · 03/10/2020 21:50

As they get older living in a village will become a problem if there is no public transport when they want to go out. I think that's a bigger problem you may have rather than bedroom space.

SunbathingDragon · 03/10/2020 21:50

I’d make sure they really don’t mind and if so, go for it.

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:51

Sounds like opinion is divided here.. yes I really want the village house, but I'm wavering because of what people have said.

I grew up in a village, it was lovely! I want DSs to have that same experience, and I think living in the town won't be as nice

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 03/10/2020 21:51

I was the kid growing up in the picture postcard chocolate box village. Hated it. Reliant on my parents for lifts to get anywhere, which often weren’t forthcoming if they didn’t feel like it or if there was a clash with something my brother wanted to do. Resented it deeply. I would have given anything to live in the town so I could have had some independence.

Add in the bedroom issue and it’s a no-brainer. You’d be mad and selfish to but the 2-bedroom.

PawPawNoodle · 03/10/2020 21:52

So you want to move to a village because it's on your list, where your two teenage sons will have to share a room in what sounds like a cramped cottage. You don't fancy driving them around anywhere so if they want to get back to town they'll have to sort themselves out (how are they getting to and from school?) but that's ok because you want to live in a thatched cottage.

You sound selfish - probably because you've just got divorced so finally are able to do something your way - but it's really not the time to be given the ages of your sons. You have plenty of time to do what you want, and really what you should be wanting to do is give your sons the best opportunities.

FluffyPJs · 03/10/2020 21:53

I grew up in a tiny village, only one bus once an hour if you were lucky and miles away from my secondary school/ college. I hated it as a teenager. It was very isolating, especially during the summer holidays when all my friends who lived in other towns were meeting up and my mum was working and couldn't drop me anywhere.

I deliberately chose a small town to live in and to bring my son up in. He can walk to school, walk or bike into town, walk to his friends houses. I wouldn't choose to live in a tiny village again!

FippertyGibbett · 03/10/2020 21:53

I live in a village and my kids hate it.

JassyRadlett · 03/10/2020 21:54

It sounds like you’ll have one studying for GCSEs at the same time as the other is studying for A levels. Will that be workable? It sounds less than ideal especially if you don’t like driving - your kids may not go out much now but that can change very quick Luc

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:56

They get the bus to school, so they will have to do the same if they want to do any after school stuff.

I'm finally able to get on the housing ladder on my own, why shouldn't I have a place in the village I've always dreamed of...? my DM says I should take on a bigger mortgage for a bigger house, but the village cottage is cheaper so I can actually use some of the money to do it up and make a tidy profit. I wouldn't get that in the town houses I've looked at as they're all already done up, so no improvements to be made.

OP posts:
FippertyGibbett · 03/10/2020 21:56

Your boys might not mind sharing now but when they get girlfriends they will !
And if they are still living with you in their 20’s and beyond they definitely will !

KindKylie · 03/10/2020 21:57

The cottage in the location you favour is for when the teens have left home or can drive independently.

The cottage sounds too small for what will be 3 adult sized people in the blink of an eye.

If you live in the town where they can get themselves to school and social stuff, it will save a lot of stress as they get bigger.

I shared a bedroom as a teen and hated it, absolutely hated never ever being able to have any privacy and space to myself.

I would make the more practical sensinsible choice now and plan to buy a village cottage when the teens leave home.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 03/10/2020 21:57

I don’t think opinion is very divided. Most people say buy in the town - and I agree! You’re planning on moving in a few years anyway. For now you should prioritise a space that works for the whole family. The cottage would only work for you and you wouldn’t enjoy it with two miserable teens moping around!

crimsonlake · 03/10/2020 21:57

To be honest it sounds like you have made your mind up already, despite most posters telling you to go for the 3 bed,
The village may be appealing to you but I think you need to put your practical head on since you have already said there is no room downstairs for them to do their homework.