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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:
whattodo2019 · 03/10/2020 21:58

Being closer the the kids school and their friends might be a be advantage for your DS
At their age. I think I would be tempted to go for a 3 bed closer to School . Despite the fact I am a country village chocolate box house girl through and through. I spend my entire life in the car driving my kids around...

KarenCaron · 03/10/2020 21:58

What's wrong with it being about the op? The kids are happy, divide the bigger bedroom for them. You'll still be living there long after they've moved on to uni or wherever. Has it got a garden? Maybe you could put a cabin up or something for a bit of extra study space.

Bayleaf25 · 03/10/2020 21:58

I live near my kids school and as teenagers they are in and out of each other’s houses the whole time. My 17 year old DS can walk home from friends, parties etc and I don’t have to restrict him or be a taxi driver.

At the moment during Covid my DD has really valued seeing her friends when school was closed. As a parent of older teens living near the school/friends is healthy and convenient.

WhereToCut · 03/10/2020 21:58

If being in the village would add 45 minutes to his journey to see them then does that mean the village is 45 minutes away from the town? If so, not caring about your DH's travel - but it will mean a lot of extra Mum's Taxi service for you.

Regardless - whatever you DCs say, in not very much tme at all you will be doing an awful lot of schlepping back to town for their school/friends/parties/gatherings/potential Saturday jobs.

NeverTalksToStrangers · 03/10/2020 21:59

Your eldest will be doing GCSEs shortly. Give him his own room.

You don't even love 2 bed the house. You just like the idea of becoming some sort of property mogul.

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 22:00

There is a little garden, but not really big enough for a cabin.

OP posts:
titchy · 03/10/2020 22:01

If you don't intend to stay more than five years it's hardly your dream forever house is it? Confused

Buy something that suits your kids now, do it up, then move to your dream location once they've left home.

MinesAPintOfTea · 03/10/2020 22:02

They get the bus to school, so they will have to do the same if they want to do any after school stuff.

Is there a bus after the school run bus?

If your plan was to stay forever then I'd go for it. As it's only to be there whilst they are teens, stay in the town. You will barely have got past newcomer status in the village after 5 years...

ChickensMightFly · 03/10/2020 22:02

Hmmmm. Those five years are all their GCSE years though. Speaking personally when I was a lazy teen-ager (admittedly not well supported in this department) the additional hurdle of not having a property work space definitely impacted on my ability to do the homework and affected my grades.
If it is kitchen table as a main space for that that means you have a limited window to do the work in before you have to pack away for dinner time. You have to constantly be seeing up your work space and paving it away again. It's a total pain, you can do it, but it just makes it harder, so makes it more likely that the necessary work doesn't happen or isn't done so well.
I can see the temptation to turn a profit on a good prospect but it will come at the cost of a versatile loving space which has as many limitations as lovely benefits.

crimsonlake · 03/10/2020 22:03

#Why shouldn't I have a place in the village I've always dreamed of? ;
Because you have children to consider.
I was in the same situation as you. Despite seeing lovely 2 bedroomed properties that I loved and would suit me I understood as the mother of 2 children that I would need in reality to go for a 3 bed house which would comfortably accomodate us all.

VinylDetective · 03/10/2020 22:04

@notangelinajolie

My kids are grown up and I can tell you that they will be off to uni before you have time to blink. Get the right house for you - not your DH. Added bonus is your children are happy with sharing so it's a no brainer. Buy the house you love. Do it.
This in spades.
HazelWong · 03/10/2020 22:04

Honestly, the village house sounds miserable. No peace and quiet, no privacy, no study space for GCSEs and A levels, no way of meeting friends, getting a job or getting a bit more independence, relying on a reluctant parent for social interaction outside the family. That's assuming the village doesn't have a regular, frequent, day snd night bus service

Totally agree. The village sounds like it will be miserable for two teenagers and you'll either have to ferry them around in the evening or they will have no social life and resent you for it.

WhereToCut · 03/10/2020 22:04

I also would not assume any profit given the state of the economy/Brexit etc.

ChickensMightFly · 03/10/2020 22:04

Oh autocorrect is a pain sometimes. Sorry for bad edit on phone

Freshfaced · 03/10/2020 22:06

But opinion isn't divided. Very few people say buy in the village. Everyone else says that it's not fair on your sons to force your dream on them. They will need a room of their own for exam studies. The town will be closer to school and friends. You're not even looking for a forever home just trying to make cash by buggering up your children's critical years by taking a gamble at the beginning of a global recession that you'll somehow make money on the house.

InescapableDeath · 03/10/2020 22:06

You may not make a profit and then you will have to stay in a house you don’t love for the long term.

I think you should reconsider the three-beds. You might find one you love.

Solasum · 03/10/2020 22:07

Sorry OP, but I think you are putting the thought of making a profit on the chocolate box cottage before the practicalities of the town house, which will undoubtedly be better for your children, as well as saving them a lot of travel time. They won’t be around for much longer. It really doesn’t seem like now is the time to go for the cottage

Minimumstandard · 03/10/2020 22:07

I'd go for the 3-bed without a second thought. Your DC will want a social life when they get a bit older. You don't want to be ferrying them around. Do you really want to isolate them in a small house in a small village? Sounds very claustrophobic.

MaryShelley1818 · 03/10/2020 22:08

I also don't think you've really got very divided opinions. The overwhelming majority have said the 3-bed is the clear choice if you're not only considering yourself. You have 2 children to think of though. It's just part of being a parent that you consider their needs in such big decisions.

Whattodo914 · 03/10/2020 22:11

I wouldn’t divide the room if it leaves one half without a window.

I was also going to suggest a garden room, shame that you can’t build one on. How big is the garden? You can still get them in pretty small ones.

But I would go for it the house you love. I’m someone who would ALWAYS go for location over size though. Small places don’t bother me, but locations I don’t love really bother me!

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 22:11

I grew up in a small house in a village, we coped. The DSs are excited about the idea, they are looking forward to having their own place after renting.

OP posts:
bubblebubblebubbletrouble · 03/10/2020 22:12

I would buy in the town - if you want to downsize & move to the village in a few years go for it.
I would worry that much as your DS's "don't mind" sharing they would be saying it because they know what you want and with everything else that's going on they don't want to disagree.

mrsmrt1981 · 03/10/2020 22:12

Get the house that YOU love! Even if the children said they would prefer to have their own rooms I would still proceed with the house you like because having your own room as a child is not a necessity. As long as they each have their own beds, a place to do their school work, etc then that’s good enough. Enjoy your new house x

Original poster
Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 22:13

@WhereToCut

If being in the village would add 45 minutes to his journey to see them then does that mean the village is 45 minutes away from the town? If so, not caring about your DH's travel - but it will mean a lot of extra Mum's Taxi service for you.

Regardless - whatever you DCs say, in not very much tme at all you will be doing an awful lot of schlepping back to town for their school/friends/parties/gatherings/potential Saturday jobs.

Yes it's 45 minutes from town. I've made it clear to DSs that if we move there they'll have to find their own way back and forth on the bus, no Mum's taxi for me!
OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 03/10/2020 22:15

Forgive me for saying, but you seem very 'me' and not 'us', OP.

Two teenage boys in a 2 bed cottage? Have you not lived through lockdown?

Fair enough if you don't have - choice, but you do.