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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 05/10/2020 20:46

@Mummyoflittledragon

Ah ok I see. That’s a shame. I was hoping it was a troll. Poor boys.
@Mummyoflittledragon

I agree. Poor kids.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/10/2020 20:53

I’d go for their own space, close to school and their other parent. The cute house you want for you can be your aim for when they leave home.

tenredthings · 05/10/2020 20:55

It's unlikely any house bought at today's prices will be a good investment. We are heading for a massive economic shock. I wouldn't count on making money on it.

ferntwist · 05/10/2020 20:58

Definitely go for location. Nothing wrong with sharing a room at all. Highly recommend Mari Kondo to declutter and make sure you don’t let extra stuff make your house feel small.

MadameBlobby · 05/10/2020 20:58

In a couple of years they are going to be effectively the size of grown men, it’ll be like 3 grown adults squashed into a tiny cottage. I’d get the bigger one in the town.

4amWitchingHour · 05/10/2020 21:10

@tenredthings

It's unlikely any house bought at today's prices will be a good investment. We are heading for a massive economic shock. I wouldn't count on making money on it.
Definitely this. It's not a good financial movs, and tbh sounds like it will be miserable for the kids, whatever they're saying. They are probably being positive about it to make you happy. Put their needs first, and work out how you will afford your village house later on in life.
Holiday21plea · 05/10/2020 21:10

I’m not sure I would take a 2 bed going from a 3 bed even though the boys have said they don’t mind. I think they may change their mind. If they were younger or had always shared I think it would be ok.

The only way I would is if one of the bedrooms was large.

whittingtonmum · 05/10/2020 21:21

There's no way I would move to this village with two teenage boys under these conditions.

I would get a three bed in the town where they go to school so they can have a bedroom each, have less of a commute to school, more space to have friends round and more opportunities to meet up with friends etc I am sure divorce wasn't easy for them either so I'd try and make their life easier for now. I'd stick it out for six years or so and once the youngest has finished school, is off to university or similar I'd sell up and move to the village. I'd take a gamble on house prices still being affordable in six years in order to provide my kids with an easier life during their teenage years, which will be over before you know it.

TheNoodlesIncident · 05/10/2020 21:25

Perhaps a temporary partition in the boys room would be better than building a wall, if people really think it would reduce the value? But I've promised the boys their own room, one DS is excited to have his own desk instead of a window, he is ok with it.

It doesn't actually sound like OP has any experience in refurbishing properties, else she wouldn't be considering slicing a room in half leaving one side without ventilation and that this work would need to be signed off by a buildings inspector. Maybe she's watched a few episodes of Homes Under The Hammer and thought "Oh I can do that and make loads of money". And being surprised "if people really think it would reduce the value?" Yes, it really, really would. How can anyone not see that? It's crazy, she hasn't got a clue!

It really is coming across that she's annoyed that Ex and Ex-MIL have disagreed with her about the best home for the boys, and rather than swallowing the unpleasant notion that they might have a better idea what's in the best interests of the children, she's determined to ignore them and everyone on her thread who says she's wrong. Tbf it must be hard to have a lot of posters telling you unilaterally that you are selfish, I'm not surprised she hasn't been back. I really hope she's taken stock though, for the sake of their sons.

Her scheme is lamentably badly thought out, I hope she's not too pig-headed to heed the advice she's had. A three bed in town sounds ideal for them at the moment.

Blueberrycheesecake1 · 05/10/2020 21:28

Wow!!! What everyone else has said. Got to be a joke!

quitecontrary123 · 05/10/2020 21:29

You keep mentioning making a profit on the village cottage but you also talk about it being where you have always wanted to live. If you are already picturing selling the house then perhaps you can also see it isn't the right one for you? I think the time you are planning on spending doing up the house is the time when your children will benefit the most from having their own rooms for studying etc.

DelilahfromDevon · 05/10/2020 21:36

Your children have their whole lives to buy the house of their dreams. This is your house. Buy what you want.

strappedup · 05/10/2020 21:39

yabvu

Inertia · 05/10/2020 21:48

So if I've got this right, you want to buy this house because the other houses in the village are chocolate box cottages, and the high street is pretty? But the house is too small, has too few bedrooms, little opportunity to extend, is already run down, and is an hour and a half round trip from the places your children need to be for their education, extra-curricular activities and friends? All in the hope you can sell the house at a profit in 5 years?

I think I've got the solution. You buy a house in the town, where you can all actually live. Then you all (if the boys are actually interested to go along) to look at the pretty cottages and shops at the weekend, when nobody has to get to school.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2020 21:57

TheNoodles
Agreed. Sadly from her infantile enthusiasm, it would appear more likely she has listened to the odd person, who’s said “do what you think is best hun, this is your time now.”

Marmite133 · 05/10/2020 22:01

Are you sure you can make a profit? I live in area with lots of beautiful chocolate box cottage villages about. Unless you've got room to extend or modernise, you won't make money from redecorating.

VestaTilley · 05/10/2020 22:13

Could you afford to extend the cottage or do a loft conversion?

If not, better for your children to have their own rooms. You can always sell up and downsize to the pretty village when they’ve left home. But a 2 bed might be a bit cramped for you for now.

Chantelli · 05/10/2020 22:59

I think you really need to prioritise the children and their social and academic needs until they are both off to uni at least.

samosamimosa · 06/10/2020 04:08

@Chantelli

I think you really need to prioritise the children and their social and academic needs until they are both off to uni at least.
If only the op weren't too selfish for this. She's decided that she will have the twee cottage she wants and to hell with what is right for her teenagers.
BoomBoomsCousin · 06/10/2020 05:31

I think considering how you can increase your financial situation by doing the house up is really savvy. It’s worth a little sacrifice to do that. And a pretty house in a nice village sounds pretty idyllic in some ways. But I also see why people looking at it from the boy’s perspective might think it’s not great.

I do think there is a good chance they’ll change their minds about not being bothered about sharing a room and about being in the town as they get a bit older. Your 14 year old is on the brink of starting to be more independent and that’s going to be harder in a village, though the train and regular bus routes make it more reasonable.

Another issue is that you’re doing it up and selling on just as your children are going to be on exam courses for the next 6 years. I don’t know how much work the house needs, but do think about what it might mean to them to be in a less than spacious home that is being renovated while they need space to be able to study.

So that’s not an answer to whether you’re being unreasonable. I don’t know if you are. Sometimes there’s no definitive answer.

BoomBoomsCousin · 06/10/2020 05:41

I’m an idiot and hadn’t realised there were more pages. Reading your other posts I take back what I just said. This is a bad idea and you sound like you are fooling yourself about what it will be like because you really want to live there, but there isn’t enough space for the three of you really, you can’t create a bedroom that has no window for one DS, that’s nuts. Also all the renovation you want to do will be very disruptive at a point in your kids’ lives where they need to be able to study easily.

treenu · 06/10/2020 06:19

Feeling rather sorry for your boys. With their school mates a fair distance away as well as access to things that would make them more independent.

It's very selfish - would you take the room with no windows?

I think you're romanticising it all to the detriment of the needs of your children.

MyOtherProfile · 06/10/2020 07:23

@DelilahfromDevon

Your children have their whole lives to buy the house of their dreams. This is your house. Buy what you want.
Yeah. And then one day when we they inherit, they can sell it to pay for the counseling to help them deal with having had a mum who didn't care about their needs and focused on her own dreams while they were still children.
MadameBlobby · 06/10/2020 07:36

@DelilahfromDevon

Your children have their whole lives to buy the house of their dreams. This is your house. Buy what you want.
Yes, who cares about silly things like what’s best for the children?

This has actually made me sad. What an awful selfish thing to do.

samosamimosa · 06/10/2020 09:22

I hope the OP is prepared to end up in a shit nursing home if her teenagers turn out as selfish as she is.