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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:

AdelaideK · 04/10/2020 14:02

If it was your forever home I'd understand this a bit more but I don't get your thinking at all.

CorianderLord · 04/10/2020 14:04

Hmmm, difficult. I wouldn't want to share a room especially in a prosperous village. Your kids will feel poor.

I was also bored out of my skull in a village - one bus an hour as a teen? If anything went wrong I was late for work, missed birthday events, couldn't buy gifts. Bus drivers used to stick their fingers up and deliberately drive PST you.

Ginger1982 · 04/10/2020 14:31

So you've promised them a room each now and are going to put up a partition? I thought they were happy to share? What if there's a fire? You won't be turning it into a 3 bed at all! You sound unbelievably selfish.

KatherineJaneway · 04/10/2020 14:37

@Mooseflake

If a 3 bed in that village is way out of your price league, you're going to have to put a lot of cash into restoring this new house of yours to even come close to raising the money.

DillyDilly · 04/10/2020 14:52

You sound a tad selfish.

You want to buy a small house that needs refurbishment in a village. You work from home and your two boys will spend a lot of time studying over the next few years - all in a small house when there’s an alternative. Have you any experience of renovating ? Have you the funds to renovate ? I doubt your boys will want to help you renovate.

Refusing to give your boys lifts to their school town. Refusing to acknowledge their wish for their own room and to live close to a park.

It will be as boring as hell for your boys, the lack of study space will be difficult, having to get a bus 45 minutes away for school and socialising will be difficult.

FarTooMuchWashing · 04/10/2020 15:13

Another vote for the 3-bed house in the town.
All three of you in the house working and studying. You’re already taking the kitchen (and your bedroom), which doesn’t leave much space for 2 teenage boys to live/study.

coconutpie · 04/10/2020 15:53

Originally I was going to say YANBU and buy the house in the village if you will be happy and your DCs will be happy. But then I saw your later post saying that it will be a 45 minute commute to school each way for them. You are being incredibly selfish to force your DC to endure a 90 minute commute every day when you have a perfectly better option in buying a house in the town instead. They will spend 90 minutes a day commuting during the most important time of their education. That's 90 minutes a day wasted a day when they could be studying or whatever during some of that time but instead, their selfish mother wants to live in a chocolate box house so they have to suffer this commute.

You are also kidding yourself when you say they will have friends over. They won't most likely because otherwise their friends' parents will have to ferry them over and back. Their social lives will be limited to village and train bus services. Also, you said you'll be WFH and it'll be from the kitchen table. That is not good either in the long run. There is not enough space in that cottage.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/10/2020 15:57

I know you are renting a 3 bed now 20 mins from town, but where were you all living as a family with your exh? Are your boys used to a bigger house in the town? They probably don't realise just how cramped a tiny 2 bed with a small garden will be.

It sounds like you are blindly obsessed with moving to the naice village and your boys know it's pointless to argue. There are no easy profits to be made doing up houses, even in excellent locations, unless you have a lot of skills yourself/mates in the trades. This house will be priced lower than other things locally because developers can see little opportunity in it. Tiny properties on small plots are limiting, and you tend not to get your money back on new kitchens unless extending substantially, in terms of value add.

ludothedog · 04/10/2020 16:01

Sorry to pile in but town near school and their own room each. No question and no hesitation.

YouDidWHATNow · 04/10/2020 16:05

I just don't understand how people can be so narrow-minded and selfish...

Jeezoh · 04/10/2020 16:07

All of your arguments about buying the two bed are based on what you want, not what your children need.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 04/10/2020 17:05

Post from the US- acknowledging different laws and so forth.

Besides the fact that the OP has made up their mind on this foolishness decision, but it would seem the the most logical course of action would be to buy in town with the goal of fixing up the town house to sell as a profit for buying into the village after the boys have grown/finished school/drive. Then moving herself into the dream home in the village when a 2 bedroom makes sense.

Real question here. Don’t you all have laws on the books about bedrooms and windows when it comes to risk of fire? I’m not usually a worst case scenario jumper but that seems like a big risk not having a secondary escape for the kid who gets stuck in the windowless room.

Again not sure about local laws but it would seem that dad would have a great case for custody if he were to make a big deal out of it.

wizzbangfizz · 04/10/2020 17:17

I'd be wary about doing it yo and making a profit - we are about to go into a serious recession. In your shoes I would get a 3 bed - do you have a partner/looking to get one - that will make things even more cramped.

Bikingbear · 04/10/2020 20:56

Of course we do when a house is in planning bedrooms have to be a minimum size and have adequate light and fire escape. I'm assuming she isn't actually going to try and get official building consent to have a bedroom without a window without a building warrant she won't be able to sell it on as a 3 bed, it's will be a 2 bed with a walk-in wardrobe or she rips out whatever partitions she puts in and converts back to a 2bed.

It really is a stupid idea.

Moomin12345 · 04/10/2020 21:05

Teenage boys do a lot of private things due to their hormonal turmoil so if you want to have regular access to the bathroom, I'd go for a 3 bed house....

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/10/2020 22:08

Being in a town for school is easier rather then travelling 30/45m each way

The 2 bed sounds small for the 3 of you

k1233 · 04/10/2020 23:46

OP google privacy in shared bedroom. There's great ideas for using bunks as a divider and each half having a desk and their own space. What can be done would depend on the size of the room. Would make sense to give the kids the bigger room if you're going to try to split / divide it.

Here's an example
www.mattressnut.com/bunk-bed-room-dividers/

MoonJelly · 04/10/2020 23:47

Perhaps a temporary partition in the boys room would be better than building a wall, if people really think it would reduce the value? But I've promised the boys their own room, one DS is excited to have his own desk instead of a window, he is ok with it

Why is it the boys who have to put up with the poky divided room rather than you? And why not look at arrangements to sleep in one of the reception rooms? As pointed out, dividing any room so that one doesn't have a window is in breach of various regulations anyway.

Bikingbear · 05/10/2020 00:41

one DS is excited to have his own desk instead of a window, he is ok with it

Seriously can you not see that it's one thing saying "I'm ok with no daylight" and a different thing actually living like that. Just wait until he ends up with Seasonal Affective Disorder. There are reasons why the law states a bedroom must have a window, fire escape, daylight and ventilation.

2toe · 05/10/2020 00:59

You’re asking them to live in a cramped space and commute, the bus/train may be 45 minutes but do the bus/train times mean they actually get home 45 minutes after school ends? An early start, long commute then two hours homework during exam years is absolutely exhausting and you’re asking that they do this while renovations are going on.
You are being selfish.

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 05/10/2020 07:19

Wow

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 05/10/2020 07:59

My boys shared a room until the oldest went to Uni, it worked out fine for them, they got along well.
Most homework was done on the bedroom floor so we got rid of the desk to make more space. They had very sturdy bunkbeds with the older one at the bottom. Room was 12x12 and big enough.

Bikingbear · 05/10/2020 08:10

My boys shared a room until the oldest went to Uni, it worked out fine for them, they got along well.

That's not the way it works out for everyone. By the time I was doing school exams my sis had met who was to become my DBIL, they wanted to hang out in our shared bedroom too. Hardly a great place to be studying.

Snog · 05/10/2020 08:25

Jeezoh summed this up perfectly,
You are choosing to prioritise your own wants above your children's needs.

How is this going to make your dc feel? Like their needs do not matter or are not important to you?

What is it that you believe your dc will gain from living in a nice village? In what way will it be nicer for them?
How is it nice to make a child live in a windowless room?

Kitsmummy · 05/10/2020 08:26

If they were in a boarding school they'd be in shared dorms. And lots of rural kids will have a 30min + commute, it's not the end of the world.

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