Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

[Mooseflake]

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

ohflipit

<strong>Can't the boys live with their Dad full time? At least he seems be aware of their needs and concerned about their welfare</strong>

No - he works unusual hours and lives in a different part of the country. So it's not an option.

I thought their Dad lives just 45 minutes from town, where the 3 bed house is?

Is this thread a windup?

Just stay in the rented house for now or go for the 3 bed town house that is nearer to their school.

The kids have NO idea what they are agreeing to, how can they picture the next 3-5 years? They can't. So you have to do the right thing and go for the 3 bed in town.

Clearly you should prioritise the dc by living near school, closer to their dad and somewhere with adequate space. Look at a move to the village once they leave home.

You won't be able to sell a 2 bedroom terrace as a 3 bedroom terrace in 5 years time, if you've created 2 tiny rooms 1 without a window.

I haven't got an opinion about which house is best for you and your DS - I'm sure you will make the right decision, and if you don't, I'm sure it's not the end of the world either.

Think op has gone. She didn’t like the general consensus of no don’t do it

OK I confess, this isn't a wind up, I'm not a troll, but this is a reverse. I'm the sister of the woman in question.

All of the justification that I wrote on here are things she has said to me, word for word. I don't agree with what she's doing at all. I think she's terribly selfish and self centered and not considering my DNs needs at all.

I've told her I think she's making a mistake, she will regret the lack of space, the commuting to school for DNs, the inconvenience of it all, and that its not fair on DNs to make them share a room when they have a choice of a 3 bed house. She is adamant it's a genius move and she thinks she's going to do it up and make money on it.

I've spoken to her ExH - he lives several hours away, so the DNs can't live with him unless they move school. The town where the school is is closer to him than the village, so it would of course benefit him to have them a bit nearer for his visits (for which he does all of the travelling - my DSis refuses to drive them anywhere). He was really hoping they would go for the house in town, but I don't think it was just about making it easier for him - he genuinely has the DSs best interests at heart. He can see that it would be better for them socially etc to live in town.

DSis expects our Dad to help her with the renovation - but he's 70, shielding and not particularly fit. I honestly don't know when/how she thinks he's going to manage it, but it certainly won't be soon!

She is adamant she's buying the cottage. I can't persuade her to change her mind.

And to make it worse, she took DNs to a house viewing in town - a lovely 3 bed house near their school. They loved it, and were really excited about it. I didn't agree with her taking them to a viewing and getting their hopes up if they had no intention of living there.

Next thing we know, she's decided to buy this cottage, and the DNs sound really crestfallen. They're saying it will be nice, and they're happy with splitting the room, but I honestly think they're just going along with it for her.

The town house was more expensive, but she's had a massive pay out from her divorce. The cottage is well below her budget, she will have a tiny mortgage. I don't know why she's unable to stretch herself a bit more, take a bigger mortgage and go for somewhere that suits the DNs.

Your Sis is better incredibly selfish and naive.

If Dad is closer to school than their mum is could that be an option for them?
How do they feel about moving school?

And apologies for the reverse. I wanted to get some perspective. DSis and I had a big fight about this last week, and I wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable. I thought if I posted from my point of view people on here would just side with her as a newly divorced single mother.

I was wrong!

@Bikingbear

Your Sis is better incredibly selfish and naive.

If Dad is closer to school than their mum is could that be an option for them?
How do they feel about moving school?

I don't think the DNs realise it's even an option to live with their Dad. They've gone through massive upheaval, DSis moved them from their family home, moved schools, and they've just got re-settled at their new school. So I don't think moving them again is really an option at the moment.

Ahh, gotta love a reverse!
Yeah, your sister sounds like a right selfish cow, your poor nephews.

Ok reverses are really annoying .

But one thing your sister should know (sorry if mentioned already) - she can’t have a bedroom without a window, on the first floor all bedrooms need egress windows for fire regulations purposes.

I'm really sorry for the reverse. I was so pissed off with her after we argued about it, I just wanted to get some perspective.

She is a selfish person, but she thinks this is her time now to live in the village of her dreams. As soon as her divorce settlement comes through, she wants to sink it all into this house and live on a tiny mortgage.

I did suggest to her that she take the bedroom with no window, but she just laughed. She has already persuaded DN that he will have it.

I'm not sure I understand the issue about the windowless bedroom being a fire risk though. Surely the fire risk is the same whether both DNs are in that room together, or they're both in there with a dividing wall between them. In both cases, they'd still escape the same way - out of the window of the one lucky boy who still has one. Or am I missing something?

I grew up in a village. My parents didn't taxi me anywhere, ever! I got the bus.
I don't live in the same village now as it's far too expensive and been turned into mainly holiday lets but I loved village life as a child and still do.

Thanks for coming clean but reverses are really annoying. Maybe your sister has ideas and thoughts she has not shared with you about this?

And yes she is single and newly divorced and loan parenting and I bet that's really hard.

She's probably not in the best head space for making big decisions. Try to go easy on her and help her think it through

She's probably not in the best head space for making big decisions

You're right, of course she's finding this difficult. But I'm worried about my DNs and their future social and mental health to be honest. And I'm worried that she really might push them away so that they want to go and live with their Dad and she won't realise it until it's too late!

She's adamant that she won't ferry them around. She previously prevented them from joining one after school sports club because it involved her driving the 20 mins from their current home to collect them. She can't be bothered, so I can't see how that will get any better when they move even further away.

I've tried to help her think it through, I already told her most of the negatives that have been suggested on this thread. But she's determined.

If I were a teenager, I would much, much rather have my own room in the town where school, friends, dad and social activities were than share a room in a smaller house away from everything and rely on my mum to drive me everywhere I wanted to go. Chocolate box villages don't generally have much to offer teens
Agree with this. You're going to end up ferrying them out for the next 7-8 years as they will live further out

This is not her time. She doesn’t sound like a good mother. Selfish.

Sorry just saw it's your sister.

Their Dad doesn't live in the town, he's further away again. But the town is easier for him to get to than the village.

To put another perspective on it - my Sis and I did grow up in a village, so we're used to having to stay over at our mates houses if we went out etc. Our parents gave us lifts everywhere, they were great about it. We never resented living so far away, we just accepted it. So my DNs may feel the same.

But I often wished we lived closer. And we weren't a 45 minute commute from school.

I spoke to my ExBiL about it, as we are still on good terms. He's worried about his DSs wellbeing, but he's tried to speak to DSis and got nowhere. He doesn't want to argue with her, and he knows he has no right to tell her where she should live, so he's just left it alone.

Is there a bus that runs to the school?
Is it the village you grew up in?

Even if Dad isn't in the town, you mention the he is closer to school/ town than the village is.
Would he be a more willing driver, more willing parent?

At the ages these boys are if they say they want to live with Dad there's nothing your DSis can do about it. No court would rule against them (assuming Dad is willing to have them).

Yes there's a school bus. Takes 45 minutes.

Their Dad isn't closer to the town. He lives 3 hours away, but the town is between him and the village - so moving to the town would cut 45 minutes off his already long journey to visit his DSs, if that makes sense?

Yes he would gladly have custody of the DSs, but it would involve changing the boys school again, which he is reluctant to do. He's concerned about the disruption to their lives. Also my DSis would obviously fight hard not to lose custody.

No it's not the village we grew up in - we have no links to that village at all. I live in another area, but DSis has just had her heart set on this bloody chocolate box village. I don't even know why - there's literally no link for her there at all. It's just pretty, and full of thatched cottages and obscenely rich people.

I think she thinks she'll have 'made it' if she gets to live there. But the cottage she is looking at is just a mid terrace house on a busy street. It's really nothing special.