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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two bed house in ideal place, or a bedroom for each child?

465 replies

Mooseflake · 03/10/2020 21:14

I'm a single mum of two DSs, aged 12 & 14. I've recently had my divorce settlement so I'm finally able to move out of our rented house and buy our own home.

I've seen a 2 bedroom house in a very desirable village, Ive always wanted to live there. Think chocolate box houses and a pretty high street. The house is well within my means, and I think I could do it up and make a good profit on it within a few years. It's a bit further away from my work, and the school, but I think house prices are going to rocket there so it's a bit of a bargain.

My ex thinks I should buy a 3 bedroom house so the DSs can each have their own room, but I can't afford one in that village. It would have to be in the nearby town, where they go to school, and closer to where ExH lives, so its' more convenient in some ways but it's nowhere near as pretty.

My DSs say they dont mind sharing a room. AIBU to buy the 2 bed?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2020 08:33

And yet @Kitsmummy they’d have space and unlimited resources to study in the library. Not to mention top quality tuition, zero daily commute and leisure / sporting activities at their fingertips. Hardly a like for like comparison. Plus of course a bedroom in their home.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 05/10/2020 08:57

If they were in a boarding school they'd be in shared dorms.

Yeah, or if they were in borstal! Honestly, kids today - don’t know they’re born.

LittleMissLockdown · 05/10/2020 09:13

If they were in a boarding school they'd be in shared dorms.

I don't see why people don't understand that it's not the sharing that's the problem. The sharing is honestly so far down on the list of why this is a bad idea for everyone.

Although I'd be interested to know where these boarding school dorms were where it was acceptable for a child to have no window but that's ok because he has a desk instead. Hmm

MoonJelly · 05/10/2020 09:15

My boys shared a room until the oldest went to Uni, it worked out fine for them, they got along well.

Would it have worked out so well if they'd previously been used to having their own room and sharing a room was entirely avoidable?

russetred · 05/10/2020 09:15

Erm, is this a wind-up? I honestly do understand the deep desire to live in the pretty village, but seriously, all of you living/working/studying in a 2-bed house without enough room for desks in the shared bedroom and at least 1.5 hours commuting for your sons, plus being that far away from their mates at an age when your mates are really important? Fair enough if the kids were small, but really not fair on a couple of teens - especially when you say you won't be a mum taxi either. You're not planning on this being a long term move, so you should move to the town for 5 years and then, if your children have moved out, is the time to follow your dream.

Cbatothinkofausername · 05/10/2020 10:19

They're excited about the idea of doing up the cottage

Are they really???

You are delusional.

Workerbee80 · 05/10/2020 10:32

Choose the practical 3 bed next to the school. Would be a bit selfish to choose the other one.

Rainbowqueeen · 05/10/2020 10:40

I’d understand a little better if you were planning to stay in this house forever but you’re not
You’re going to stay there for the years your kids are at high school and then what??? It doesn’t sound like you will have enough money even if you make a profit from the Reno to buy a 3 bed in the same village. So you’ll have to move again.

I honestly don’t see the point.
Please don’t take into account what your kids say. They are too young to fully understand what they are commiting to
Go for a 3 bedroom in the town

samosamimosa · 05/10/2020 10:44

@Mooseflake

I think I can divide the room, but that means one room will be without a window. No there's no room to extend, and no space for an attic conversion I don't think.

It's a small cottage, so there's only one living room, so not really anywhere else for the DCs to do their homework. They'll just have to get used to doing it at the kitchen table or in their room.

I don't intend to stay long at the house, I'd like to do it up and make some profit on it. Maybe 5 years maximum. So it's not my forever home, I don't love it. But it's the only place in the location that I really want to live in.

DSs have every other weekend at their Dad's.

A room with no window would be horrible. Buy where their school is, they are too old to share anyway
samosamimosa · 05/10/2020 10:45

@Mooseflake

Their Dad doesn't live in the town, he lives several hours drive away, but the town is 45 mins closer to him - he just wants the convenience of cutting his journey down when he collects and drops then off for his visits.

I'm the one who this will affect, it's nothing to do with him.

Your children are the ones this will affect most, you are being very selfish to them.
MJMG2015 · 05/10/2020 11:04

I really hope you're a GF & this is just a wind up.

samosamimosa · 05/10/2020 11:06

@MJMG2015

I really hope you're a GF & this is just a wind up.
Same. I love village life and had the chance to buy a house in a little village when we moved but bought one in the town instead because of the children. If I'd bought the village house it would have been ideal for me and terrible for them
mallowa · 05/10/2020 11:08

I personally wouldn't go for a 2 bed with two teens!

Bikingbear · 05/10/2020 11:18

Their Dad doesn't live in the town, he lives several hours drive away, but the town is 45 mins closer to him - he just wants the convenience of cutting his journey down when he collects and drops then off for his visits.

At one point I thought Dad lived in the town, if he did it wouldn't surprise me if the kids decided to stay with Dad.

Even several hours drive away it wouldn't surprise me if they decide that changing schools and being full time with Dad is a better option than staying with mum when they never get to see their pals or having a social life outside lunch time at school.
At the kids ages their is nothing a court or anyone else could do to make them stay.

KatherineJaneway · 05/10/2020 13:10

@MJMG2015

I really hope you're a GF & this is just a wind up.
Nope, OP is genuine.
Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2020 14:50

Idk how you can say op is genuine. There is a posting history over 2 days on 3 threads including this one.

madcatladyforever · 05/10/2020 14:57

Three bed place definitely. You soon get sick of the lack of space I can tell you.
When my son finally left home I moved 300 miles so I could have the three bed, chocolate box cottage in a lovely village, my son would have hated it.

zafferana · 05/10/2020 15:02

In five years' time you'll have a 19-year-old and a 17-year-old. Do you honestly think they'll both have been happy sharing a room, or having half a carved up bedroom for all that time???

You sound utterly self-absorbed OP. You've clearly decided that this is what you want and the DC will have to suck it up, despite the fact that you could buy a much more convenient place for the next five years, allowing them to walk to school and hang out easily with their friends. If you think their mates are going to get a bus or a train to come and visit, forget it. Your DSs will spend their whole time in town and you'll barely see them. How about putting them first for the next five years and then buying what you want when they are ready to move on with their lives?

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 05/10/2020 15:03

So your DS; given a choice between a desk and a window is excited to have a desk. Wow. Just wow. I’m out of this thread now. The more I read the more upsetting it is.

KatherineJaneway · 05/10/2020 15:48

@Mummyoflittledragon

Idk how you can say op is genuine. There is a posting history over 2 days on 3 threads including this one.
@Mummyoflittledragon

I reported the thread to MN as the OP's replies started to make me feel like this was a troll. They confirmed the op is not a troll.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2020 15:57

Ah ok I see. That’s a shame. I was hoping it was a troll. Poor boys.

derxa · 05/10/2020 16:56

Wow indeed

Cornishpleb · 05/10/2020 16:59

We chose a 2 bed in a nice place and it’s been absolute hell!

Nowhere to WFH. Nowhere for homework. The rooms are small.

And in hindsight a bigger house would have been better.

Even a 2 bedroom house with a kitchen diner and living room / study would have been better.

It all depends on the width of the house!! Smile

I have to say though - living in a small house has been my most biggest mistake! We’re selling already

Minimumstandard · 05/10/2020 17:15

Boarding school comparisons are inappropriate. A lot of children in boarding schools have their own study bedrooms from 16+. Also, as pp have pointed out, leisure facilities, large common rooms, games rooms and all their friends on site. None of the social isolation the OP is planning for her boys.

Bikingbear · 05/10/2020 17:22

Could you imagine the out cry if a boarding school asked children to sleep in rooms without windows Confused.

I hope she gets reported for it, her boys deserve better than to be put in a cupboard.

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