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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum is cheeky?

216 replies

YellowBeryl1 · 03/10/2020 19:34

About a year ago I went on a quiz night with a couple of friends, we bumped into a woman and her dh who live down the road from me, I didn't know them well but we exchanged phone numbers. A couple of times in the weeks that followed I suggested meeting up with her as we live down the road but each time she was busy. No problem, I left it.

Today she whatsapped me out of the blue, to say she noticed I collect my dd (year 2) from school on a Monday (the other days I pay for after school club, I work FT).

She asked if I can also collect her dd every Monday from next week and she will collect her from mine at 4pm (school finishes at 3pm).

Albu to think she's really cheeky? I don't even know the mum except for the one conversation a year ago. Her dd is year 6, mine year 2, they don't know each other, I dont even know her dds name!

I havent replied yet.

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 04/10/2020 16:39

block her now 🌺

IrmaFayLear · 04/10/2020 16:43

The woman in the Op has a dh and was out at a quiz night with him, so I think you’re wrong in portraying her as a downtrodden struggling woman begging for help.

Some people just are take, take, take and one thing MN has taught me is that it is ok to not have to please such people. Years ago I would have immediately agreed and then felt like a fool, but now I have more self respect. If someone needed help, then of course i’d be more than willing, but the “no thanks to a coffee” woman is just the sort of person who should get the old, “No, that doesn’t work for me” treatment.

Noshowlomo · 04/10/2020 17:09

Glad you told her no OP

2bazookas · 04/10/2020 17:22

"Yes, of course. Happy to help. My charges are £50 per hour which includes milk and biscuit snack".

EarlGreyJenny · 04/10/2020 17:47

@Wafflesontop

I'm completely in agreement we need to be able to reach out to others in our community, and I'm another that moved to a new area with no family or friends. But there's a way of doing it, asking for help is good but making it clear that you'll reciprocate in kind or just saying "I'm new, I'm struggling, please help". OP's situation doesn't read like that. That's crap your afterschool is so restrictive, it doesn't make it easy for people. I'm sorry you've had a bit of a pile on, life is complicated sometimes and Mumsnet can be harsh.

tommyhoundmum · 04/10/2020 17:47

Agreed. Just say sorry that doesn't work for me.

Darkrainbowsquid · 04/10/2020 17:51

Say no. Covid.... no mixing bubbles etc....

Justpickaname · 04/10/2020 18:05

I don't think it's rude or cheeky, I think maybe it's desperation? I wouldn't want to do it, as it would probably lead to longer hours and extra days, but, I would hate to think that,for the sake of an hour a week, she could potentially lose her job? Could she offer an evening back to have your DD?

Mothership4two · 04/10/2020 18:08

Well I suppose she thought if you don't ask you don't get. It was OP's prerogative to say no and she did. I think she was a bit cheeky but it's hardly a hanging offence. My problem with it would be it's breaking CV rules - so would be a no from me anyway.

I've picked up loads of kids over the years (when mine were younger) and had them collected from our house. There was only one who didn't reciprocate when we were in dire need (in fact went completely non-contact) and we ended up having words and I stopped.

kazlau · 04/10/2020 18:13

Simple. Just say no. You have things you do after school and aren’t available for her pick up suggestion. Cheeky. Very cheeky.

Mary46 · 04/10/2020 18:20

Waffles I agree but its the take take take drives me crazy. I feel when I need help theres zero. We were tested for covid here so I dont want other kids in my car now

FlossyChick · 04/10/2020 18:40

This is cheeky and she might be desperate but if you are not actually friends it’s a bit off. There are people out there who think that ‘a friend’ is someone you met once. I have met a few Mums over the year who are probably ASD, they probably don’t appreciate that real friendships are more than this- could this be the case here?
A girl in my DDs year at secondary school ‘told’ my DD that she was staying at our house- both her parents were away in the USA on business. My DD didn’t know this girl very well and the Mum hadn’t asked me. I called the Mum in the USA and told her that I would have expected a call from her to arrange this, especially if they were out of the country!!!! I don’t think she actually understood why I was saying this to her- it was cheeky/alarming and a safeguarding issue-that someone would leave the country without making sure their child was safe-but the weird thing was that she didn’t think she was doing anything strange.
Do what you know is right for you, your children and your family.

Smileyk · 04/10/2020 19:17

I'd reply with "Sorry do I know you, your number isn't in my phone?"

copperoliver · 04/10/2020 19:24

She probably only go your number as she knew she might need you. Crafty cow. X

ReallyLazy · 04/10/2020 19:33

@Wafflesontop I'm sorry you're struggling and i certainly did not set out to make your week harder.

People can be so cheeky and manipulative and take advantage of the 'nice' people. After a while you start assuming everyone's motives are off. Its good to be reminded that it isnt always the case.

190190tnt · 04/10/2020 19:39

I would say you don't want to commit to it as you sometimes do stuff straight after school, 'sorry can't help you but it would be too much chopping and changing'

Jack80 · 04/10/2020 19:44

Don't reply, if she says anything say sorry I must have missed your message.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/10/2020 19:44

She probably only go your number as she knew she might need you. Crafty cow. X

Some people will store up numbers and info that they know may be of use to them at a later date, but the really clever ones pay a few minor token dues first.

They bought a 40p bag of carrots, but can't use the last quarter of them, so they thought you'd appreciate them; or they willingly took in a parcel for you - so now they've been such an amazing true friend to you, surely you wouldn't object to repaying their kindness by looking after their child for two full weeks in your own home whilst they're travelling abroad....

FelicisNox · 04/10/2020 19:45

YANBU.

She "collected" you and put you in her "possibly useful at a later date pile" and now your usefulness has shown it's self she's knocking on your door.

A simple: I'm sorry but due to other commitments this will not be possible. Is in order.

CF!

Loreleigh · 04/10/2020 19:47

Yes she is a CF. Either don't reply at all or respond as people have already suggested, with something along the lines of: 'That doesn't work for me" (do not feel you need to apologise for blanking her). If she continues to be a CF or gets pushy you can fall back on the Covid excuse of: "As a family we are trying to minimise our risk factors so will not have anyone else, including your kids, in our car - I would hope you also wish to protect your family". If that fails, be rude!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/10/2020 19:50

'sorry can't help you but it would be too much chopping and changing'

Or, "It was enough of a battle through the courts to finally be allowed to keep this one; I'm sick of wasting my time having to keep applying for all of these DBS checks that I know I haven't a hope of passing." Grin

MaggieFS · 04/10/2020 19:55

Tempting as it is to continue the dialogue to get to 'are you actually serious', you've done the right thing by not responding.

Dreading2020sSeasonFinale · 04/10/2020 20:51

@FlossyChick

This is cheeky and she might be desperate but if you are not actually friends it’s a bit off. There are people out there who think that ‘a friend’ is someone you met once. I have met a few Mums over the year who are probably ASD, they probably don’t appreciate that real friendships are more than this- could this be the case here? A girl in my DDs year at secondary school ‘told’ my DD that she was staying at our house- both her parents were away in the USA on business. My DD didn’t know this girl very well and the Mum hadn’t asked me. I called the Mum in the USA and told her that I would have expected a call from her to arrange this, especially if they were out of the country!!!! I don’t think she actually understood why I was saying this to her- it was cheeky/alarming and a safeguarding issue-that someone would leave the country without making sure their child was safe-but the weird thing was that she didn’t think she was doing anything strange. Do what you know is right for you, your children and your family.
I would have put a phone call into social services and let them know there was an abandoned teen dumped on you, you had not been notified or asked and have no intention of going through with it so they had best pop by and pick her up ASAP.

@FlossyChick what did you end up doing? Taking the girl in as the CFers expected you to?

Riv12345 · 04/10/2020 21:17

This has been on her before

linsey2581 · 04/10/2020 21:33

Just say sorry but the school wont allow your daughter to be picked up by some random stranger.

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