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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum is cheeky?

216 replies

YellowBeryl1 · 03/10/2020 19:34

About a year ago I went on a quiz night with a couple of friends, we bumped into a woman and her dh who live down the road from me, I didn't know them well but we exchanged phone numbers. A couple of times in the weeks that followed I suggested meeting up with her as we live down the road but each time she was busy. No problem, I left it.

Today she whatsapped me out of the blue, to say she noticed I collect my dd (year 2) from school on a Monday (the other days I pay for after school club, I work FT).

She asked if I can also collect her dd every Monday from next week and she will collect her from mine at 4pm (school finishes at 3pm).

Albu to think she's really cheeky? I don't even know the mum except for the one conversation a year ago. Her dd is year 6, mine year 2, they don't know each other, I dont even know her dds name!

I havent replied yet.

OP posts:
Wafflesontop · 04/10/2020 02:16

You're not wrong to tell her it doesn't work for you but I dont think she's a cheeky fucker for asking. My kids started a new school this year, I only need after school 1 day a week so it doesn't make sense for to use a club. I got talkng to 2 mums at the school & turns out they live in the next street over and are happy to help me out. What ever happened to community & helping each other. If someone posted they were struggling I bet more than 1 poster would suggest asking other parents/neighbour's. We don't all have husbands or family close to help out.

Derbee · 04/10/2020 02:44

Mad to reply - you’ve left the door wide open for further demands! Better to ignore, or have said “sorry, who is this?”

SuzieQQQ · 04/10/2020 02:55

Very cheeky. She’s a chancer who relies on other people being too nice. Just say “no I don’t want to tied into anything “ don’t say sorry or try to sugar coat it. It’s quite liberating

Italiangreyhound · 04/10/2020 03:23

Well done OP you dodged a bullet there.

" part of me wants to reply but I also want to back away quietly and be thankful she isn't a friend"

Don't reply it will only encourage her!

I once looked after a friend from work's child. i knew the mum but not the child. She was a few years older than my child. The visit lasted all day and was a nightmare. It was hard entertaining a child I didn't know who also had some issues like being allergic to something! I seem to remember her not being very happy and me being so pleased when the mum arrived to collect her.

It's very different when you really know a friend and their child, it's much easier.

But still time with your own child after school is precious, especially if she is at after school club 4 times a week.

Good not to encourage a friendship with this cheeky woman.

Kisskiss · 04/10/2020 03:30

She sounds like User!! Can’t be bothered to meet up and build a friendship but happy to text you with a very big favour to ask. Nice

WelcomeToGreenvale · 04/10/2020 03:33

Hah! Might be worth replying "OK! I charge £20ph for childcare if my plans do change :)"

Gertiegumboot · 04/10/2020 03:46

Unbelievable the cheek of some people! I have friends who were eating breakfast one morning when a very distant acquaintance at their son's school appeared on their doorstep with two DC asking if they would mind taking them in to school as they had a family emergency. My friends were surprised as they didn't know how this person had found their home address, but they agreed, and took all three DC in to school. But from that point on , about three days a week at 7.30 am in the morning, they heard a door banging and a car driving off and two faces appeared at their front door window. This person had just dropped their DC outside the house without asking my friends' permission first! The DC hadn't had breakfast either. This continued all one term because my friends felt sorry for the DC, then they refused to do it any more. After which they heard this person had descended on another household and played the same trick! Shock

Patienceisvirtuous · 04/10/2020 04:03

I can’t believe these people walk among us!

HaggieMaggie · 04/10/2020 06:23

This seems to be a common problem on MN. Who are these women, if you are a childcare CF (CCCF), let us know what motivates you! 😂

custardbear · 04/10/2020 06:29

Best to give her a wide berth generally - she probably asked you because she's run out of others she's been a CF to

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 04/10/2020 07:11

well you did exchange numbers,
i guess she thought there was no harm in asking.
but totally your call

EarlGreyJenny · 04/10/2020 09:26

@Wafflesontop

Genuinely curious. What's the problem with only using an after school club one day a week? Also, do you not feel guilty about restrictions you're placing on the mums helping you out? Are you doing anything to reciprocate the help they're giving you? Not being antagonistic, just curious how you feel because I've often felt taken advantage of in situations like this.

ProfessorPootle · 04/10/2020 09:53

You did the right thing saying no, she is a cf, it’s easier for her for you to collect her dd every Monday but not easier for you! It’s your one day with dd to do what you like, what if you wanted to drive to shops or go to park. It restricts what you want/need to do.

I was friends with a cf mum but it was an arrangement that meant I’d collect or she’d collect and drop to each other’s so worked ok. She’d often ask me to collect as she ‘couldn’t be bothered’ but at that time I’d drive past hers and dc were in the same class so no problem. Then my youngest started so we had to wait an extra 20mins for him and her dc was v naughty so I couldn’t face keeping him occupied in school playground so I said no.

Then a year later she would collect one day and walk home and I’d collect another but her kid was so obnoxious, saying things like ‘I don’t want to walk with you’, ‘your dc ruined my day’, ‘you can go now’ as we got near his house! I just said no more, said they’re upsetting each other and arguing the whole way home so that was it. Have said no to everything since. I work from home, I don’t ask others for childcare so I won’t provide it either, I need to get dc home, happy and then work another 2hrs. Don’t need the drama or extra walk!!

DaughterX · 04/10/2020 10:05

Turn the tables op. The cheeky fuckee becomes the cheeky fucker. Text her every couple of days "I'm so glad you got back in touch actually because I was wondering if you could drop my DD off next Tuesday / watch her one afternoon/ etc"

ReallyLazy · 04/10/2020 10:39

@HaggieMaggie there you go, i believe you can ask @Wafflesontop

After school club one day a week doesn't make sense for her DC (?!?!) And people should help because 'community spirit'.

Seriously waffles, do you not realise that you are being a CF and you no doubt made the other school mums feel awkward or sorry for you? They may have offered because they are really sweet people but it does sound like you took advantage of that. As for the "not everyone has a husband" comment. Do you really think that makes you somehow entitled to the time and inconvenience of others? I ask this as a single mother myself.

doodleygirl · 04/10/2020 10:51

I don’t think she is a cheeky fucker at all. She needs help and asked another mum. What on earth is wrong with that? OP doesn’t want to which is fine so you say no, job done.

Some of responses on here are just plain nasty. Bullies in a playground!

ReallyLazy · 04/10/2020 11:00

Doodley she asked someone she barely knows to be inconvenienced daily, and as her reply shows, it was purely to save money.

Helping people out and asking friends and family to help out is fine but asking someone you barely know to help out to this extent is very odd and cheeky.

Its not bullying to call out cheeky behaviour.

picosandsancerre · 04/10/2020 11:03

doodleygirl another mum with a DC who you are friends with and asks for help- then perhaps but not someone who you have met once, don't know there DC and has no relationship with your own. Very different ask-

I am more shocked at parents happily sending there DC to homes of people they don't know simply because they happen to be a school mum and need childcare.

Imloosingmyshit · 04/10/2020 11:09

No sorry that won’t work for me.

zingally · 04/10/2020 11:12

I wouldn't even reply. This woman barely even counts as an acquaintance. You spoke to her once, a year ago.

shesgonebatshitagain · 04/10/2020 11:16

@BentBastard

As she's replied about saving money, it would be fun to reply that as your hourly rate is higher than the after school club she wouldn't really make a saving.
This is a great idea. @YellowBeryl1 it’s not cheeky it’s breathtaking. I wouldn’t even ask a fairly good friend this.

I too would just not reply but if she persists - which she will I suspect - I think BentBastard has your reply nailed

IrmaFayLear · 04/10/2020 11:18

To the “supporters” of the other woman, did you miss the bit where the OP offered a hand of friendship a year ago but the woman spurned it? She wasn’t being very friendly or “community minded” when it didn’t suit her.

BabyYoda · 04/10/2020 11:20

@BloggersBlog

"I cant sorry, but how much are you paying as I have a friend who may be interested"

Then wait for the "Ah no it's ok, thanks" reply from her

That’s brilliant! Grin
gingerbiscuits · 04/10/2020 11:21

Simple...NO! Don't feel obliged or guilty or sorry for her- that's blatant CF behaviour- she plans on using you. Don't let her!

whirlwindwallaby · 04/10/2020 11:23

If she's year 6 why can't she just walk home at wait until 4pm? Does she have SEN? Many children are home alone for a couple of hours five days a week from year 7.