Perhaps this speaks more loudly of our society, the pressure which conventional expectation puts upon people, and, particularly, the assumptions attached to a word which I suspect in most cultures has very emotive meanings attached to it: 'mother'. The very fact that people are expected to be horrified when a mother admits to struggling, or not taking to her maternal relationship and family obligations like a duck to water, is a case in point. And the fact that this so often comes up as an area of very heated debate is testimony to the fact that the horror does exist.
When fathers struggle with fatherhood, the condemnation doesn't run nearly as deeply. I think we need to be unpicking some of these unsafe, damaging, 'gendered' (ugh how sick I am of that word) assumptions that are at the root of this misery for some people.
We had one child. I struggled for a decade to carry a pregnancy to term, and my multiple miscarriages of 5 much longed-for babies mean I'm also not in a position to comment dispassionately. I cherish motherhood and my child more than anything. I have never regretted it. I was never able to have more children, and this I did regret. But maintaining a career (which I love) and having time to devote to family life would have been much more difficult with two.
For one thing, I would never 'judge' a mother who speaks this way. I think it's more imperative to unpick the reasons why, for women (as always), these matters are always so emotive and difficult.
for anyone who is struggling.