Friend of mine just refused to meet for coffee today as I am a teacher working with Covid infected children all day!

[Quarks69]

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

@BikeTyson

“People react differently. I’m desperate to see anyone because I’ve been wfh for 7 months and it’s totally shit. Unfortunately DH is a teacher and some of my friends think similarly to OP’s so we’ve been ditched. He’s good enough to teach people’s children but not to meet for a walk. I’ll remember it when this is all over.”

I can imagine how you would be desperate to see people after 7 months wfh, and understand how you feel. Luckily my friends are generally happy to meet up for a quick dog walk, which is better than nothing!

Others are happier doing a weekly zoom chat, and that is great too, because at least it maintains contact.

It definitely makes you realise who your genuine friends are.

@ddl1 exactly, thanks for getting it. There have definitely been numerous posters on here who have made a link between people’s caution in meeting them and the extent to which they feel appreciated for their work. I stand by the fact that I find it shocking and selfish that people would in any way equate peoples’ willingness to expose themselves to increased risk of Covid and the extent to which they appreciate key workers such as teachers and medics. A big reason for why we appreciate those people so much is because they expose themselves to higher risk, one of the many consequences of which is that of course they need to be extra careful in meeting up with others, more so than most of us. It’s actually quite disturbing that there are people who want to ‘share’ their increased risk with people and who seem to see that as proving some kind of loyalty. I want my loved ones to protect themselves as carefully as they see fit and would be mortified if they put themselves at an uncomfortable level of risk to have coffee with me because that’s what I wanted!

I remain at a loss as to where I ridiculed people who desire social contact

As @Letsgetgoing123 there are plenty of ways to support people and provide friendship virtually. No it’s not the same but no one ‘owes’ key workers face to face contact and we all need to respect each other’s boundaries.

@ddl1

“I didn't post the original comments, but that's not the way I interpreted them. There have been posts on the thread that imply that if people are nervous about interacting with key workers who may have been exposed to a lot people with infections, then they don't appreciate the work that the key workers are doing, and are being ungrateful. This may be justified in the case of people who don't care what risks the key workers undergo, just so long as it doesn't affect them. But it is not fair to imply that all people who try to minimize their own risks are unappreciative and ungrateful. I think this is what the comments meant.”

Thanks, I may have interpreted it wrong.

I completely understand why people would not want to be in close contact with anyone at the moment, to minimise their risk of getting the virus. Any of us with school kids, whether we work from home or not, are all probably at greater risk from that alone.

But I feel there are ways of still being social, without the need to be in close contact, eg outdoor walks etc. which feel safer.

I think to me it does feel a bit unfair if friends with school aged kids are still meeting up with others, but avoiding meeting with those who they deem higher risk. I do find that hurtful, but maybe it is selfish of me?

Hope I’ve explained it better?

I am a nurse, although not in the frontline but my best friends are both frontline nurses and we still meet up for meals out , coffee etc following social distancing and wearing masks. I do fully appreciate though that everyone has different ideas about risk and how to protect themselves. Please don’t take it personally, it’s a difficult time for lots of people and can affect peoples mental health in all sorts of ways, try to be understanding and realise that we will get back to some reasonable semblance of normality in the future. As cases are rising exponentially at the moment it’s normal for people to be extra cautious and I m sure I’d not meant as a slight against yourself and not worth losing friendship over. How about a zoom coffee meeting and a catch up? Xx

Having had Covid19 in July and still suffering from its ill affects. You should be delighted not to have to see her. This illness sucks and can leave you debilitated. Don't take chances with your friends because you don't want to have to put anyone in harm's way over a cup of coffee. Just respect people and their choices. Send her love and happiness.

@SlayDuggee

I’ve got a friend who’s a paramedic. She had COVID earlier this year and has antibodies (tested) Earlier this year everyone was clapping for the NHS. Now none of her friends will meet with her not even socially way outside

Now that is bonkers!. I'd happily meet someone who had had it even indoors . Whilst I know you can't guarantee they wouldn't catch it again and there have been a couple of cases, I'd assume that was a pretty negligible risk, thus making people who have already had it comparatively safe to mix with . Certainly safe enough to offset the additional risk of them working in healthcare.

In my mind a healthcare worker who has had Covid becomes the same level of risk as your average every day person who works from home - ie very low risk. Also anyone who has had the virus and doesn't work in a high risk occupation seems to be to have a pretty much zero risk of being infected when I meet up with them or of me passing it on to them

To be honest many health care workers probably only carry the same level of risk as members of the population who are going to schools, shops and pubs etc. Anyone with household members going to these places would probably have the same level of risk too.

Bumblingbovine49,
You make a really good point. I'm just not sure about the whole antibodies theory. I don't know if anyone really knows yet about all the aspects of this illness. As I'm still suffering from its effects. Could it last 3-4 months in the body?

I have just returned from Sweden with a film-maker to make a documentary about their Covid-19 strategy. Life is pretty normal and everyone seems so calm as compared to here. And don't mention population density! Stockholm is the same as Manchester. There's a couple of short trailers on You Tube if anyone is interested.
Sweden: No Lockdown by Claudia Nye.
bit.ly/3lfVFqn

If you have done a documentary, I hope you have looked into house occupancy differences.
And behavioural differences in general.
There's a joke going round about how relieved the Scandinavian people are to stop keeping 2 m apart, as they can go back to their usual 6 m.

Jokes apart, what looks like normal life to an outsider doing a documentary may not be actual normal life.
Their government did implement prevention measures, just not lockdown.
It will be interesting to see what happens during winter.

I had the chance to move to Sweden 20 years ago and really wish I'd taken it. Thanks for the link!

Sweden did take measures but kept schools open which enabled the economy to keep going as parents could still work.
The Swedish government only offer advice - they don’t get the police to run around fining people. They treat the public like adults and they generally behave like adults. Our government treat us like children, and guess what...

Sweden did close upper schools and universities, so older kids, who didn't have to be supervised at home.
But it was still a huge section of society sent home.

www.thelocal.se/20200811/how-are-swedens-upper-secondary-schools-adapting-to-coronavirus

Your friend is a loon. The U.K. seems full of bedwetters at the moment.

Clearly not, as numbers rise.
More like full of inconsiderate people putting others at risk.

A lot of Europeans - probably including Sweden? - tend to go to university close to home. So much easier to work online at home if you know your local friends are doing the same, and easier to meet up from home too. I think its only us where the teens go hundreds of miles away to uni.

The trouble is that your friend might be looking after her elderly mum, or in contact with someone who had to shield in the first lockdown. It won't be just her you see - you'll be 'seeing' all her contacts too, and all their contacts.
I have a daughter who is a teacher and I can't see her. I have another daughter who has three children each in their own year group bubble of - NINETY kids! That's 270 households that family is mixing with, plus all the relations and friends of those 270 kids. We live on a canal boat so our post goes to her house. We now get her to leave it outside on the doorstep for us so we dont' see her. We can phone, you can face time. Do that so your friend can stay safe. And remember, seeing her doesn't just risk her, does it?

I just wonder what all the mumsnetters who think teachers are slackers think. I guess they are just so busy ‘working from home’ right now they don’t have time to comment anymore

I’m only mixing with those I have to at work, my family and my hairdresser - we all have to do what we think is best. You are mixing with 30 families daily plus other staff so are at a higher risk that those working from home or in solitary conditions. YABU.

Did the OP ask which of them was at higher risk? Should we not mix with anyone at higher risk than ourselves (obviously we then couldn't mix with anyone at lower risk either, as they would be mixing at higher risk)? And more importantly, should we make plans with people and then cancel them on the day when we have suddenly "discovered" coronavirus?

And more importantly, should we make plans with people and then cancel them on the day when we have suddenly "discovered" coronavirus?

That depends on whether the coronavirus situation has actually changed or not. If you never bothered to find out about it until the last minute, then no. If there has been a huge local or national increase since the plans were made, then that could be quite a different matter.