Friend of mine just refused to meet for coffee today as I am a teacher working with Covid infected children all day!

[Quarks69]

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

You are not being unreasonable but neither is she! These are trying times but we will get thru it. I have had several Wotsapp and Zoom coffees recently. Lots of fun and laughs. Stay safe and don't blame your friends for being cautious. How would you feel if you did pass something on? You dont know if you are a carrier do you. X

@blotblot

Definitely don't take it personally. Your friend or a close member of their family may have good medical reasons for being very careful. My sister is one such person who has ME herself, and other close family members with health issues. She has had to turn down many invitations which normally she would never do. It's really getting her down.... Not everyone is happy to share these issues, or remind friends. Be kind.....

@blotblot

Yes definitely agree with you, but kindness goes both ways doesn’t it, and if she didn’t feel safe going to a cafe, maybe a suggestion of an alternative, especially as such short notice would have been polite?

It’s difficult not to take it personally in those circumstances I think.

Yes sunshinerays, because all us frontline covid nurses go straight to the supermarket after shift. Usually in uniform, standing as close as possible to everyone, if we can lick them it’s a bonus 🙄

I’d like to think we actually pose less risk to the public as at least we are aware we are in contact with it, take precautions and deal with it appropriately. We are squeaky clean when out and about...is everyone else?

I work in community pharmacy and have also worked right the way through lockdown. I have had many friends and family refuse to see since being allowed back out because obviously I must be riddled with Covid 🙄

@cherubtastic I'm not saying you're not I think you've missed my point completely

Your friend is being totally reasonable in wanting to limit social contact, and I’m surprised that you’re surprised by this.

@thecatsabsentcojones

I’m glad he didn’t get it, and can understand how frustrating that must have been for you. Hopefully it didn’t upset your child.

Luckily my friends didn’t object to our kids meeting up at distance (when allowed), I think that would have tipped me over the edge tbh.

From working on wards it has made me doubly cautious when socialising, as would hate to pass it on unintentionally. Tend to keep extra distance etc.

YANBU.
I am a nurse and I noticed more than a few mum “friends” etc giving me a wide berth. Despite the fact I was redeployed to a surgical ward, which was a green (no covid patients) and never nursed anyone with covid. Also, don’t forget Iceland sent out that info saying they would make NHS staff buy anything they touched. Like we had the plague. I’ll never shop there again. It’s a highly contagious and virulent disease so I get caution and upping personal hygiene but not paranoia and excluding/not interacting with teachers, nurses, drs and so forth. That’s my opinion and clearly she’s not a good friend if she can’t even suggest changing to a walk and a take out coffee or something. Her loss. 🤷‍♀️

@sunshinerays

I think @cherubtastic was agreeing with you!

@Letsgetgoing123 oh 😳 sorry if that was the case lol

It’s not personal. I get it, I won’t have my grandkids to stay since they went back to school, because I am utterly convinced that this is why we have the second wave.

She maybe could have worded it different but I work with children and I get it.

YANBU to be upset but YABVU in terms of not cutting her some slack.

She's your friend and she's scared and you won't know her full itinerary of people that she mixes with.

It's her choice to mix with her who she choses, particularly as we're in the midst of a 2nd wave.

The pandemic is to blame NOT your friend and you're only seeing this from your perspective.

YABVU the numbers are creeping up again everyone should be minimising their contacts at the moment I'm sure for your friend it's not personal You are overreacting

Your poor friend. Shes really anxious, rightly or wrongly - and maybe not about her, maybe shes shielding someone else, and you're getting all huffy about it. This hasnt been your best hour as a friend.

Not everything is about you.

As a nurse my children and I have been outcast! That said I’ve seen the fit / healthy people ventilated with covid. I totally understand people being afraid.
Coffee shops and restaurants have been identified as sources of clusters so perhaps this is partly your friends concern.
Also some are becoming frightened to leave their own home with mental health challenges.
I would try to be kind, tolerant and talk this through.
I suspect it’s not you she doesn’t want to meet in the coffee shop but Coronavirus!!

I'm amazed by the responses to this tbh, cases are on the rise so it makes sense to limit contact with those outside your household and reduce transmission. We caught up with family yesterday and next time we meet will be Christmas day, none of us overly worried about catching the virus as we're young but keen to keep reduce transmission.

*help

@CountessFrog why is it eye opening? You’re surprised people want to limit their possible contact with the vIris? Or you e decided that they are avoiding you as a personal insult? Grow up.

Meet via Skype or Zoom. Each in your own house, make a coffee, sit down, link up and chat. Folk clubs I'm in do it all the time now, and I'm sure it would work for personal friends too.

Don’t take it personally. It’s a pandemic and people are scared.

YABU

She is obviously more anxious than you over Covid-19

Don't judge others just because you have worked long days, that is irrelevant!

Lots of people are tired, afraid and fed-up because they can't see an end in sight to all of this.

The jury is out right now on how much of the spread children and schools are responsible for. We all know about asymptomatic transmission. We also all know that this virus can be very mild, but we also know that it can kill in a deeply unpleasant way. We're also discovering that there's "long Covid", where the virus appears to cause long-term effects which may or may not be permanent.

Given all of the above, it's completely understandable that people are trying to manage their risks. We are all different, some people are naturally more risk-averse than others. Right now, we're up to 10,000 cases a day again, with numbers on ventilators and in hospital rising too. It IS scary and it's OK for people to do whatever they feel they need to in order to stay safe.

OP, I'm a school governor (about to quit though) and I think school staff have been completely sold up the river. Schools have done their absolute best but the conditions you're expected to work in during this pandemic are deeply unfair. I know many teaching staff who are very distressed about having to work like this, but feel as if they have no choice. It's a shit-show. More than 2500 schools have had COVID cases now. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you stay well and your school remains COVID-free. I understand why you feel upset but it's unfair to expect your friend to adopt your approach to risk just because you're working hard and need a break. Don't ruin a long friendship over this. The pandemic has already damaged enough things.

OP I really feel for you! I think the tone of the message is what really got to you and I would give your friend a call and have an honest conversation with her.

I've been talking about this with a few friends. I think those of us that work from home and have been told to do so have needed to tell ourselves the virus is really bad and contagious to justify our situation to ourselves so we don't go loopy at home and become furious with our employers! While those of you who are being asked to confront the masses need to tell yourselves the opposite, ie that it's generally safe to be among other people and that even if you get sick it'll probably be OK. It's been 7 months now that I've not been in the office and I'm starting to find that the idea of going out for a meal even with DH scares me if I have to get some form of transport to get there. Does not help that I'm pregnant and in the so called vulnerable group. DH works in the office and has done so throughout due to being erroneously classified as "low risk" as we could not say I was pregnant in the 1st trimester, and I do notice our difference in attitudes to wearing a mask, encountering other people, etc. It's not your friend's fault. This situation is causing people to behave in ways we never had to do before. Rarely is the initial "work from home or not" decision our own, but after 7 months of living with that initial decision it's no surprise its starting to affect the rest of our thoughts.