Friend of mine just refused to meet for coffee today as I am a teacher working with Covid infected children all day!

[Quarks69]

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

I most definitely would take it personally and think you need a better friend.

I'm a secondary school teacher, mixing with up to 150 kids per day. They stay within their year group bubbles, whilst us teachers move from bubble to bubble.
Masks are only worn in corridors & stairwells. I wear a visor - a lot less protective - but schlepping up to the top floors, multiple times per day, left me gasping like a fish out of water when I tried it in a mask.
I am definitely the most at risk member of my household & would respect any friend's wishes not to risk their own health by meeting me socially.

@Janevaljane

Honestly, if I thought a friend working in a stressful and scary situation wanted to meet me for a coffee I'd jump at the chance.

Anything to support teachers/nurses.

This is refreshing to hear, I'm feeling like a social leper at the moment (I work in a school) However I do understand other people's concerns and I would totally respect the other person's opinion to meet with me either way. I would not take offence if they didn't want to see me. It's a scary time and people are right to be cautious.

I'm a teacher, I wear a mask while teaching and all times in school. I've done everything in my power to stay safe and yet here I am, home sick with Covid. I don't blame her for being anxious.

YABU I haven’t seen any of my friends since March and not one of them has thrown. Wobbly.

My husband is an intensive care doctor and I had another school parent tell me he wasn’t happy about my child going in with his. It felt like a kick in the face to be honest given the massive personal sacrifice and effort that the medics were giving during the first wave. It is a betrayal.

We also had someone working on the house who felt similarly, was quite happy to let her go too.

That given, some people are pretty hysterical about the risks involved. If you can be at all giving over this see it as a blip from someone who is probably scared witless. But I know exactly how you feel and have been there - it’s horrible. You’re made to feel like you should have a cross on the door.

And he never did get bloody Covid either.

@raspberryk

No I don't think so, you can probably blame the media and government for making people believe it's more dangerous than it is.

@raspberryk

Why don’t you explain that to the 209,000 dead and their families in the USA?

Sorry, I think you are being unreasonable. She hasn’t made up an excuse which she could have easily done and clearly doesn’t feel comfortable seeing you. Maybe she is looking after her immediate family and doesn’t want to affect them just for the sake of a coffee with you. Call her for a chat instead but she has every right to take whatever precautions she feels comfortable with.

YANBU she's Effin cheeky and being stupid. How does she know she isn't in the supermarket next to a frontline covid ward nurse?

It's stupid, it's not part of the government rules and all she had to do was socially distance, covid doesn't jump across tables and I'm fed up people being so irrational about it

And I bet she still sends her kids to school though to get the benefits of teachers teaching. It's hypocritical and mean if her to do that.

No need to be stunned and betrayed She perceives you as high risk and is thinking of her own and her family's safety. I'd do the same.

Well I wouldn't take it personally. There have been a whole spectrum of reactions from my family, friends and neighbours (let alone here on MN!) from refusing any contact at all to quite relaxed and happy to meet in a pub (we are not in a lock down area). It's not really about "finding out who your friends are" but more about their attitude to real or perceived risk (and your understanding of that/them).

Definitely don't take it personally.
Your friend or a close member of their family may have good medical reasons for being very careful. My sister is one such person who has ME herself, and other close family members with health issues. She has had to turn down many invitations which normally she would never do. It's really getting her down....
Not everyone is happy to share these issues, or remind friends.
Be kind.....

Not read whole thread but does she have DC at school herself? In which case she’s got people coming and going from her own house mixing in exactly the same environment as you are

I think you’re extremely self involved to not be understanding of her view on this. My husbands family are all following rules strictly and are all terrified. My family are pretty lax with the whole thing. People are honestly worried about DYING or causing other people’s deaths, you might think it’s an overreaction but you don’t have a right to be so offended about it 🙄

I would feel this way as well. I’m not comfortable going to restaurants/cafes. Having said that I wouldn’t meet anyone in a cafe. I would always suggest an alternative though like going for a walk or a video chat so I can understand you being disappointed if your friend isn’t making any effort to catch up but you have to respect her boundaries as well. I’m not sure why she agreed to it in the first place right enough.

I’m a teacher and haven’t experienced this with my friends. I think the media is to blame, try not to take it personally.

that's the quirks of friendships. not everyone is the same.
You will have a laugh about it when you both reminisce.

I think these are very uncertain times and people perceive risk differently. I wouldn't take it personally - she is probably being like this with everyone. Perhaps you could meet for a walk when the weather cheers up. Even if she has children herself she may still want to minimise contact with people beyond her immediate family. What one person thinks is ok is freaking out another. A friend of mine said she thought I was living on the edge travelling into central London to see exhibitions. She is staying at home right now.

I think she is just worried about her family which she has every right to be. I wouldn't take it personally.

Don't take it personally. I'm being cautious, and I'm trying to isolate as much as possible. I met a friend outside yesterday, for coffee, but then she was upset with me when she wanted to come back to my house and I said I really didn't want to see people in houses. She's made me feel like I'm mean. My anxiety has been in control during lockdown, but now it's come back as I feel I've got to do what others would like, but I don't feel comfortable meeting people in houses.

YABU she is protecting herself and her family

You are absolutely being unreasonable. I limit social contact with people indoors all the time as my daughter was previously shielding as she had childhood cancer. I make this very clear and I am cautious and careful. I wouldn’t take offence to any friend saying they want to limit contact I would be respectful. Schools are rife with Covid at the moment at least your friend is being sensible and taking precautions.

If she’s afraid she has to do what feels right for her. Maybe you guys could go for a walk in a park with appropriate social distancing. The media has hyped us up into a frenzy like never before (we are never kept this informed about seasonal flu and death rates) one of my adult children really struggles being around people. She had a baby just before lock down and has been very isolated. Please be considerate of her.

Bexer I assume you wouldn't make an arrangement and then cancel it at the last minute though? So not the same as the OP's friend.