Friend of mine just refused to meet for coffee today as I am a teacher working with Covid infected children all day!

[Quarks69]

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

Parents are not choosing to impose risk on the teachers, nor are teachers choosing to impose risk on the children and therefore their parents. Parents and teachers shouldn't fight each other, but should fight together for better protection in schools
See before the lockdown I would have agreed that this is the case, but during lockdown I became acquainted with the lines of "us for them" who want me to teach their children full time in school, with no masks, no desk cleaning and no hand sanitising. I really, really hope they do not speak for most parents but they certainly claim to do so. Parents like that are adamantly not on my side

So many of these replies feel very frustrating. I think it is a good idea for social distancing to take place but it feels that all others apart from school staff have some right to feel more anxious and to look out for themselves whilst expecting and assuming that others will take risks for them.
Some of us might have extra reasons to be cautious but apart from resigning we actually have no choice.
One of my friends died of covid leaving two teenage children.That makes me sad and scared. I still have to walk through the school gates every day.

to look out for themselves whilst expecting and assuming that others will take risks for them

It's not that anyone expects others to take more risks but some jobs do involve more risk right now with regards to covid. That doesn't mean we should all just have not regard to the risks of meeting up with others, whatever their job.

I think we all have to be considerate of how others feel.. I am happy for some things not others.

I avoid certain things that increase risk.. I haven't been in a coffee shop didn't go in a pub till 3 weeks ago.. I have been doing all sorts of different things.

You can feel disappointed but she has her own anxiety.
IME people wfh who watch the news seem to be in the highest anxious group.. i notice that not judge it.

Really stupid I had a friend who nagged to meat back in August when the weather was great refused to travel on public transport yet it was ok if I did I suggested a park she said no b cause it had children in it then she suggested sitting in her garden but kept on changing the times the week before then a pub but only one of her choice I would now have to use two buses to get there plus the same back. Then on the day moaned because I had been to the gym the day b fire. I gave up and she is now moaning that she never sees me

I think she's very sensible. We all should limit our contacts & the chain of infection.

I became acquainted with the lines of "us for them" who want me to teach their children full time in school, with no masks, no desk cleaning and no hand sanitising. I really, really hope they do not speak for most parents but they certainly claim to do so.

I don't think it's typical. Even if a parent doesn't care about the welfare of the teachers themselves, anyone with common sense (all right, I know that excludes quite a few people!) will realize that lack of protection for teachers will at best mean more school closures, and at worst that their children may catch the virus and transmit it to the rest of the family.

There will unfortunately always be the 'I pay my taxes, I know my rights' types, who regard teachers - and often all who work in the public sector- as either their exploitable servants or as spoilt brats who aren't doing anything useful. The teacher-bashing and general public-sector-bashing by parts of the media don't help. But I don't think it's a majority who think like that.

OP I do sympathise actually. I work in a school and the last month was so stressful, I would have given the job up if I thought I could find another one (jobs In my field are a bit thin on the ground at the moment). I was sleeping badly too. I don’t think people realise what it’s been like working in schools.

A friend asked me for lunch and it made such a difference, I felt normal again. I was looking forward to it all week and If she had cancelled due to my job I would have felt very sad and disappointed. I think we underestimate the value of friendships for our mental wellbeing.

However I do think people who have been working from home are in a cocoon. If you are just at home reading the news you can get quite anxious. So I understand why some people might not want to meet and I would respect that but I think to cancel last minute is thoughtless.

Yes we have to be careful, but also life has to carry on in some form.

People keep saying they are avoiding coffee shops, OP said she was looking forward to a "coffee and a catch up" with a local friend, doesnt necessarily mean the plan to meet in a coffee shop, could have been to meet at one of their houses, where social distancing would be easy to do, unless you live in a studio room. Her friend cancelled last minute and was rude about the reason why. She could have said she was feeling a bit nervous about meeting indoors and suggested a socially distanced walk or a zoom chat.

Seems Responses tell me I am Typhoid Mary for the next 6 months then. That’s a long time without coffee and a chat.

This is so sad OP, and horrible that a lot of posters seem to agree that people who can't work from home should be avoided for the foreseeable future.

Rock and a hard place. I can see it from both sides. At the end of the day, everyone has to consider their own circumstances but she could certainly have phrased it better.

I've seen my parents (late 60s, no underlying conditions) four times since total lockdown lifted. Only once indoors, very distanced. I've met a few other friends, all outside. Still not been inside a pub or restaurant and nor has my partner (we live 100 miles apart).

@Quarks69

“Seems Responses tell me I am Typhoid Mary for the next 6 months then. That’s a long time without coffee and a chat.”

I really feel for you and feel the same myself.

Luckily some of my friends are happy to meet for walks, so have just been doing this once a week, which is better than nothing.

I had a really hard day yesterday when I heard that my group of friends (there’s 6 including me who, pre lockdown used to meet up regularly) had all met up for a meal and a smaller group of them are going shopping together next week. I hadn’t been invited to either. It hurt quite a lot actually, and has made me feel low all weekend.

This is so sad OP, and horrible that a lot of posters seem to agree that people who can't work from home should be avoided for the foreseeable future.

That doesn't just include teachers though. And whilst many people are working from home if their parents of school-age children they are not at a low risk compared with teachers anyway. They just don't want to add to their risk and why should they?

their they're

Well this thread just proves the hypocrisy of MN.
When schools were closed, there was outcry about the poor kids denied an education and how teachers talking about personal risk and inadequate PPE were just lazy, the risk is low, they can’t compare themselves with doctors and they should just get on with their job.

Now it comes to wanting to meet someone for a coffee, of course teachers are high risk, and they are selfish for even wanting any sort of social life.

I work in a school and am mostly keeping my distance from friends. I certainly wouldn't be offended if someone chose not to meet up currently

@Squidsister

Well this thread just proves the hypocrisy of MN. When schools were closed, there was outcry about the poor kids denied an education and how teachers talking about personal risk and inadequate PPE were just lazy, the risk is low, they can’t compare themselves with doctors and they should just get on with their job.

Now it comes to wanting to meet someone for a coffee, of course teachers are high risk, and they are selfish for even wanting any sort of social life.

Have you ever thought that there isn't just one opinion on MN as there are a lot of people on it? The posters who wouldn't meet OP for a coffee are unlikely to be the ones who thought schools should be open for everyone last term. I don't think teachers are at particularly high risk. Certainly no worse than in a lot of jobs and no worse than parents of schoolchildren. Risks are additive though and while I would take a risk to earn a living or for my children to be educated I'm not going to add to it in order to socialise.

Certainly no worse than in a lot of jobs and no worse than parents of schoolchildren
Explain this to me? A wfh parent has a risk of their dc getting covid and picking it up from them. The dc will be mixing with different children, but should all be from their year group. A teacher will be mixing at secondary with dc from 6 different year groups, so 6 times the risk. Added to that I am in contact with staff members who teach the pupils I don't. Add to that I am a parent myself and have two dc in two different schools. Oh, and a teacher husband.
How is that the same risk as someone whose only exposure is through one school pupil?

They just don't want to add to their risk and why should they?

No one has to do anything that they don't want to do, but meeting up with someone for a catch up outside and at a social distance is very low risk for transmitting covid. Expecting people to go six months or more with no face to face social contact is cruel, and probably raises their risk of becoming depressed by quite a lot.

@mistressiggi

Certainly no worse than in a lot of jobs and no worse than parents of schoolchildren Explain this to me? A wfh parent has a risk of their dc getting covid and picking it up from them. The dc will be mixing with different children, but should all be from their year group. A teacher will be mixing at secondary with dc from 6 different year groups, so 6 times the risk. Added to that I am in contact with staff members who teach the pupils I don't. Add to that I am a parent myself and have two dc in two different schools. Oh, and a teacher husband. How is that the same risk as someone whose only exposure is through one school pupil?

The teachers at DD school are well away from the pupils. It wouldn't make sense for them to be near as if they catch it from one year group they could infect pupils from another year. Even when homework is handed in it is quarantined for a few days. In contrast DD is in a bubble of 200 and sits next to quite a few in her lessons. She is certainly a lot closer than any teacher and I think she has more chance of getting it than a teacher.

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

They just don't want to add to their risk and why should they?

No one has to do anything that they don't want to do, but meeting up with someone for a catch up outside and at a social distance is very low risk for transmitting covid. Expecting people to go six months or more with no face to face social contact is cruel, and probably raises their risk of becoming depressed by quite a lot.

It's not six months or more because school have only just gone back. Not everyone wants to meet outside for a catch up. I would rather just chat on zoom than freeze in a park at the moment. Noone is expecting people to go without social contact. OP presumably has family or friends who are happy to socialise with her. Noone should feel forced to or guilty if they don't want to.

I wouldn't feel betrayed if someone refused to meet me because they thought my job placed me at higher risk and they didn't want to catch it, but if they didn't translate that belief into showing some care for me, acknowledging the risks I am taking and trying other ways to keep the friendship going and show me support, I would think poorly of them. If she thinks you are at such great risk of having the virus has she in any way expressed sympathy or care? Or are her thoughts on it confined to 'keep away from me leper"? That is what would matter to me, I think.

I certainly don't feel hypocritical in my stance about teachers, I have discussed with our head that I fear teachers will get very ill and my expressed preference is and always was for part time school to allow for distancing - to benefit everyone but especially teachers.

I am worried for teachers, certainly not uncaring. But sadly I have no power and am in a minority I think, I definitely get a sound telling off on these boards when I say I'd prefer part time school!

Belladonna you're very lucky if your classrooms are larger than average. Do staff not walk through corridors at the same time as pupils? Anyway any child is sitting closer to another child so yes is more likely to contract Covid, only from the children they mix with though. Staff mix across all years so that increases their risk in a different way. Plus let's face it, the virus is in the air so distance is only a barrier not a guarantee.

@Mistressiggi

Belladonna you're very lucky if your classrooms are larger than average. Do staff not walk through corridors at the same time as pupils? Anyway any child is sitting closer to another child so yes is more likely to contract Covid, only from the children they mix with though. Staff mix across all years so that increases their risk in a different way. Plus let's face it, the virus is in the air so distance is only a barrier not a guarantee.

I don't think that their classrooms are particularly large. DD has commented that the pupils have to sit closer than they normally would so that teachers have space. A lot of the movement is outside rather than corridors in DDs school and many other schools near me at the moment. Teachers may be moving at the same time as pupils but it's not the same as sitting next to someone for an hour so with regard to risk. Even if they teach several year groups I don't think their risk is higher than that of pupils.

Not even an option here in Oldham.