Friend of mine just refused to meet for coffee today as I am a teacher working with Covid infected children all day!

[Quarks69]

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

I don’t think it’s what most people think. However when you compare a teacher with somebody who has been working from home they are at higher risk of having covid. If your friend has literally been at home on her own all the time to protect herself, then she would be increasing her risk by meeting up with you. If she’s been going out to pubs etc, then she doesn’t have so much of a point.
I wouldn’t take it as a personal slight against you.
It’s not the decision I would make, but then again I work in a job coming into close contact with people anyway, so people might also make this decision about me too!

I'm a TA in secondary. I can't wear PPE in the classroom as I work with SEN and EAL kids and they couldn't understand me when I did. We all wear masks in the corridor and I sanitise my hands and try and keep distance but realistically between lessons it's a nightmare. I do social distance from other adults and our staff room is limited. I am the biggest risk to many people really. I see no one outside of work. I get it, people are risk averse and get to choose whether they are exposed to me.

Don't take it personally, we are all just doing our best.

You need to respect her anxiety regarding coronavirus.

I'm not too worried about catching it myself but wouldn't want my friends to feel they were forced in to seeing me if they were scared of the possibility of catching the virus.

I have had the same today - my friend was only coming to sit in the garden but has decided not to!
I am trying not to take it personally but I do feel disappointed. If my friend contracted it from me and then couldn’t visit her widowed mother I would feel terrible. My friend works from home so is able to be very very careful. I teach 120 children every week so my risk of having it at any given time is higher.

It does feel a bit lonely to be a keyworker atm.
I’m planning on mainly socialising with my colleagues.

Be a good friend to this person.

Stop making it all about you feeling 'betrayed'and understand that she is terrified by all the reports of increasing infection and local lockdowns as well as the fact that she's working from home because being in the workplace is considered to be dangerous.

Even if she came across as rude when she gave her reason, it's simply because she's terrified.

Of course that's disappointing for you, but I think that 'betrayed' is a strong word to use.

Respect her anxiety.

I say this as a teacher.

Everyone has their own comfort zone and I think if anyone in a group doesn’t feel comfy doing something at the moment then that should be respected even if you think it’s a bit irrational.

We are in an area that from today seeing others indoors is banned at all but even before then I had only a very small group of people who I felt comfy seeing because they are on the same wavelength ss me for judging situations/risk levels

We have a good friend who refused to see us all year. Even after DH had regular tests at work - he still does.

Same friend then went on holiday to Cornwall and stayed on a massive site.

🤷🏻‍♀️

Be a good friend to this person.

Why? She hasn’t been a good friend to the OP. “Anxiety” is so often misused as an excuse for being rude and selfish; this woman has decided to blow out the OP at short notice, meaning she won’t have made other plans for her precious weekend. She’s not a friend I’d be bothered about keeping....

Jeez, people, it really isn’t about you and what you think or want. You can give your reassurances (although personally working in a Liverpool secondary school any reassurances given at the moment would be pointless and naive of you) and then it’s up to others to make their decision as to what they’re comfortable with, and you to accept it.

I get it’s disappointing because you were looking forward to it.

In my area this is not allowed anyway now thanks to our very tough local restrictions. We were already limiting contact with others well before that came in though, as it just felt like the most sensible thing to do, but it seems that plenty Of others weren’t, which is why we’re at the stage we are now here.

It matters not a jot if your spouse wears full PPE by the way. There is still a greater risk for medical staff, you don’t wear full PPE throughout the hospital.

DBIL is a nurse and tested postive for antibodies, he doesn’t even recall having symptoms and any covid tests he’s had at work have been negative. So No doubt at some point he’s travelled through that hospital infecting people even just touching hand rails or lift buttons, completely unaware.

She has every right to feel worried op.

I still think you’re being ridiculous. She’s scared. She’s working from home and doesn’t want to take (what she sees as an) unnecessary risk. It’s not just seeing you. It’s being out in a cafe and the extra risk that puts her under.
People are entitled to do what they feel they need to in order to stay safe. It’s not her fault that you’re a teacher.
You don’t sound like much of a friend TBH.
I wouldn’t have cancelled on you but equally I wouldn’t be upset if someone did cancel.

Agree with previous posters, she has her own risk profile and reasons. It’s nothing personal against you.
I saw a post recently about a family who’d fallen out because a sibling didn’t attend a wedding. I think it’s really sad that friends/families are falling out because someone is more risk averse.

*@quarks69 Actually betrayed is my reaction, because society and parents (she is one) expect teachers (and nhs staff) to put themselves at risk looking after their children, but aren’t prepared to risk anything themselves to support us, *

But the way to show support to keyworkers is not to expose ourselves to greater risks by way of a thank you! That’s madness!

tbh i would hope that you would have cancelled.
do you have many or even any cases in your school op?

Another perspective..
I work in primary, I have a colleague, who because of staff shortages/illness etc has been in at least 5 different classes working as support/TA,
She will not meet up with her friends, outside of work because of this.
She feels this is the best thing to do.
Making sure her friends are safe..

Well your risk is statistically much higher than someone without kids who works from home. My kids havent been seeing grandparents since they started school as seeing how fast colds go around, I think the risk is too high, and I know they would like to see the kids but they would be really worried about it. This isnt them 'betraying' me, it's being sensible and working out what level of risk they are comfortable with and taking steps to minimise it.

@Quarks69

Actually betrayed is my reaction, because society and parents (she is one) expect teachers (and nhs staff) to put themselves at risk looking after their children, but aren’t prepared to risk anything themselves to support us, and we are talking the smallest risk here. How many teachers have had Covid in the last month compared to other groups? Look at the stats instead of the DM headlines.

I support those who are having to work in higher risk jobs by doing my bit to try to reduce the spread of the infection.

my ds has a friend who is a teacher in a school, cancelled meeting him recently due to concerns about the virus. nothing to do with the daily mail

id be hurt, but i think also we are going into a second wave and a lot of peoples anxiety is up right now. Maybe a walk instead?

Why? She hasn’t been a good friend to the OP. “Anxiety” is so often misused as an excuse for being rude and selfish; this woman has decided to blow out the OP at short notice, meaning she won’t have made other plans for her precious weekend. She’s not a friend I’d be bothered about keeping

something tellls me it wouldn’t be such a great loss to her life to lose such a frothing, hysterical and utterly selfish “friend”.

I know it's hurtful but it isn't personal and your friend isn't being unreasonable - she's acting on her own feelings and anxieties about all this.

Even if I wasn't a teacher, I would be pretty relaxed about the virus and would do everything that is allowed within the rules. I'm just not that afraid of it. But I know many people who are - some for physical, practical reasons and others just because they are more anxious about it than most.

I am very happy to see friends who are happy to see me but I am aware that some aren't and that's ok too. I have one friend who has no vulnerabilities (nor do her family) and she has only been inside somewhere other than her own home 5 times since March!! Her children were already home schooled by her pre Covid and her husband has been working from home since Feb. They are therefore an exceptionally low risk family and, due to severe anxiety and fear, she is choosing to keep it that way. I went for a walk (at extreme social distance!!) with her in August but she won't see me now I'm back at school. She also won't see friends who live in areas with a higher rate of infection than hers.

It seems crazy but I'm working on the basis that you have to go at the pace of the slowest and support them, not make them feel like they are betraying or hurting you.

Someone suggested to me that we should all have a traffic light signal we can use to show how cool we are with socialising and doing activities - green if we're completely confident through to red if we're choosing to stay pretty much isolated and only go for walks/outdoor sits. I quite liked that.

I think she is being over dramatic!!! and taken in by all the fear mongering...but her call I guess. Shame you now get to miss out.