Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend of mine just refused to meet for coffee today as I am a teacher working with Covid infected children all day!

597 replies

Quarks69 · 03/10/2020 09:07

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

OP posts:
bengalcat · 05/10/2020 06:54

Agree with yogibearclub - that’s a very good way of putting it . I find friends who have WFH/ furloughed etc are more cautious / ‘bonkers’ whereas those of us who have been out there just carry on as normal / within guidelines etc .

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 05/10/2020 06:58

Don’t take it personally. Some people are flat out terrified - I blame the media.

I am increasingly surprised by how people assess risk with covid. Some people drink and smoke to excess and are happy to walk around with several lifestyle factors increasing their risk of all mortality, for years. But in terms of covid there is an odd hysteria. Maybe after there could be daily briefings about daily deaths from diseases attributed to obesity?

Slightlybrwnbanana · 05/10/2020 07:00

Yogi if you were a pregnant teacher you would just be in work as normal.

BikeTyson · 05/10/2020 08:33

People react differently. I’m desperate to see anyone because I’ve been wfh for 7 months and it’s totally shit. Unfortunately DH is a teacher and some of my friends think similarly to OP’s so we’ve been ditched. He’s good enough to teach people’s children but not to meet for a walk. I’ll remember it when this is all over.

Janevaljane · 05/10/2020 08:39

I think that's awful biketyson. I'd meet him and you!

BikeTyson · 05/10/2020 08:43

Janevaljane were in a local lockdown area now anyway so not supposed to meet in any case, but have managed to see a couple of his fellow-teacher friends with their children at the park. But honestly I feel really let down by mine. I know everyone on this thread seems to think it’s sensible risk assessment but it does hurt.

Janevaljane · 05/10/2020 08:51

Yes I bet it does. I think if you genuinely thrive on human interaction then this situation is awful. If you don't mind doing everything on Zoom then it's fine.

WouldBeGood · 05/10/2020 08:57

@BikeTyson

People react differently. I’m desperate to see anyone because I’ve been wfh for 7 months and it’s totally shit. Unfortunately DH is a teacher and some of my friends think similarly to OP’s so we’ve been ditched. He’s good enough to teach people’s children but not to meet for a walk. I’ll remember it when this is all over.
I’m desperate to see people too! My friend won’t go for a coffee or meal with me, even though I don’t work out of the home and no risk factors. It’s making me a bit sad.
Janevaljane · 05/10/2020 08:58

Lots of people are though. Wagamamas was packed with mates chatting last week! There is hope!

WouldBeGood · 05/10/2020 09:00

Maybe my friend just doesn’t like me 😂

TuttiFrutti · 05/10/2020 09:01

YABU

Your friend is, completely understandably, wanting to minimise her risk of catching Covid. You represent a big risk factor for her with your exposure to lots of children. You seem to think you "deserve" to meet her because you have had an exhausing time at work, but it doesn't work like that.

Janevaljane · 05/10/2020 09:03

She does deserve to meet a friend. We all do. If they don't kiss and hug they'll be fine.

Jeremyironseverything · 05/10/2020 09:03

I work in a school.

I wouldn't want to meet me.

Actually, I think you are being a bit selfish in not understanding why she doesn't want to meet up with you. It is risky. You might not be anxious but you should understand that many other people are.

AltoCation · 05/10/2020 09:07

Very disappointing OP.

But my brother is a teacher and is more or less isolating himself from the rest of us so that other family members are OK should our parents or one of the kids need help. It seems realistic: he is most at risk.

Hard on him BUT as a teacher he is the only member of the wider family who is not in danger of losing his job and / or income.

YABU.

SuzieQQQ · 05/10/2020 09:20

That is ridiculous. She’s being an arse.

GeorginaTheGiant · 05/10/2020 09:21

I’m astounded that so many people on this thread seem to want friends and family to show their appreciation for their work by exposing themselves to increased risk in some bizarre display of solidarity. Really selfish and odd. Let people make their own risk assessments and don’t take personal offence for the hard fact that if you work in a hospital or school then of course meeting you is a higher risk.

Letsgetgoing123 · 05/10/2020 09:35

@GeorginaTheGiant

Wow you seem to have really missed the point of this thread.

I don’t think anyone has said they want their friends to show appreciation for their work, just that at a stressful time in their lives, they would benefit from meeting up with friends (either at distance, outside or virtually).

I’m sure if you have friends you will understand that interaction of any kind for an hour or two can really boost you. We all need this at the moment, whether in a frontline role or stuck inside all day wfh alone.

It seems a bit bizarre that you would not only not understand this, but seek to ridicule it.

To pull out at short notice, when the other had been looking forward to a catch up is shady at any time, I’m sure she knew she was a teacher when she agreed to it. I’m sure if she was that nervous of catching the virus over a coffee indoors, suggesting a walk or a zoom meet would have gone a long way to meeting half way. Most people would fully understand this.

It seems the be kind message is long gone, and it’s turned into look after number one...

BikeTyson · 05/10/2020 09:47

I’m desperate to see people too! My friend won’t go for a coffee or meal with me, even though I don’t work out of the home and no risk factors. It’s making me a bit sad

Sorry you’re feeling sad too - I’ll admit I’m really struggling with all this now.

IndecentFeminist · 05/10/2020 09:49

Presumably she doesn't have children in school?

Lweji · 05/10/2020 09:59

If she does have children in school, one more reason to be careful. Why would she want to risk catching anything to spread it between schools?
Teachers should be thanking parents who keep safe so that their children don't carry the virus into their school.

As a teacher, what do you think of parents who keep socialising with friends, even if one at a time, and risk getting infected, passing it on to their kids and then to you?

CremeEggThief · 05/10/2020 10:01

YABU.

GeorginaTheGiant · 05/10/2020 10:03

[quote Letsgetgoing123]@GeorginaTheGiant

Wow you seem to have really missed the point of this thread.

I don’t think anyone has said they want their friends to show appreciation for their work, just that at a stressful time in their lives, they would benefit from meeting up with friends (either at distance, outside or virtually).

I’m sure if you have friends you will understand that interaction of any kind for an hour or two can really boost you. We all need this at the moment, whether in a frontline role or stuck inside all day wfh alone.

It seems a bit bizarre that you would not only not understand this, but seek to ridicule it.

To pull out at short notice, when the other had been looking forward to a catch up is shady at any time, I’m sure she knew she was a teacher when she agreed to it. I’m sure if she was that nervous of catching the virus over a coffee indoors, suggesting a walk or a zoom meet would have gone a long way to meeting half way. Most people would fully understand this.

It seems the be kind message is long gone, and it’s turned into look after number one...[/quote]
Eh? Did you mean to quote my post there? Show me where exactly I ridiculed people who are seeking social interaction? If you did mean to direct this at me you’re literally inventing things so I think I’ll leave you to it! I just said that it’s selfish to expect people to expose themselves to risk that they aren’t comfortable with, so you get what you need from them.

AdoreTheBeach · 05/10/2020 10:06

@Whyarewehardofthinking thank you for what you’re doing. I’m sure not many parents know this or appreciate what you’re doing to keep safe and safeguard their children’s education. thank you.

Letsgetgoing123 · 05/10/2020 10:36

@GeorginaTheGiant

“ I’m astounded that so many people on this thread seem to want friends and family to show their appreciation for their work by exposing themselves to increased risk in some bizarre display of solidarity. Really selfish and odd”

Explain further what you meant by this comment then?

To me it comes across that you think people are being selfish to want some sort of social interaction with friends?

And that people only want that interaction So that friends can show appreciation of them?

And that by using “astounded” you can’t imagine how anyone could be so stupid as to think that?

I can only speak for myself, but I couldn’t care less for any appreciation from my friends but they do pick me up if I’m feeling low and I hope I do the same for them too.

ddl1 · 05/10/2020 11:13

*To me it comes across that you think people are being selfish to want some sort of social interaction with friends?

And that people only want that interaction So that friends can show appreciation of them?*

I didn't post the original comments, but that's not the way I interpreted them. There have been posts on the thread that imply that if people are nervous about interacting with key workers who may have been exposed to a lot people with infections, then they don't appreciate the work that the key workers are doing, and are being ungrateful. This may be justified in the case of people who don't care what risks the key workers undergo, just so long as it doesn't affect them. But it is not fair to imply that all people who try to minimize their own risks are unappreciative and ungrateful. I think this is what the comments meant.