Friend of mine just refused to meet for coffee today as I am a teacher working with Covid infected children all day!

[Quarks69]

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

@Quarks69

After 5 Exhausting weeks of working a 12 hour day every day at a secondary school, I woke up this morning looking forward to a coffee and catch up with A local friend. am now totally stunned and feeling pretty betrayed by her response. This is someone I have known since our kids were born and she is healthy and works from home. is this what most people think?

Why are you taking it personally? Its not like she said something personal about you. Its a fact that teaching at school puts you at more risk. I am a teacher myself and would understand. You could have done something else. Don't take it personally.

I think you will probably find that most probably the people not wanting to meet with you inside were strongly against schools going back without more mitigation such as blended learning or more money for finding more space etc but our views counted for nothing

The people who want things back to normal right away and schools open as normal with teachers taking no precautions would probably be very happy to meet you inside for a coffee.

I also think there are people on Mumsnet who will jump on any thread linked to Covid just to tell anyone who isn't locking themselves in their house how selfish they are, and seem to want the world to be put on hold indefinitely. Meanwhile lots of us have got back to as normal as possible under the circumstances, whilst following the guidance, and can't wait for everyone to just get on with living with a virus that is not going away anytime soon.

Personally, I'd do the same. I'm restricting contact with everyone, regardless of their job. If they take offence, tough!

It is hurtful but don't be too upset.
She is being sensible and really not unreasonable.
Look at the logic behind it.

@CountessFrog

That’s so disappointing.

My DH is a hospital consultant, he worked in ITU when the shit hit the fan. People avoided us like the proverbial plague. He had full PPE.

Eye opening isn’t it? When it’s your friends

I don’t think it’s fair or reasonable to hold that against people. Your husband was doing amazing work in a high risk situation but of course people would have avoided individuals such as him who were clearly at a higher risk of contracting and carrying Covid. It’s not a personal slight, just common sense. I’m actually quite surprised as a medical family that your view is otherwise. In fact I’m surprised you and he weren’t doing the avoiding yourself!

First of all, it's not a personal rejection, or directed personally at you. It is a fear that is at the moment understandable. Would she be willing to meet for a coffee in an outdoor space (many cafes at the moment have outdoor areas); or go for a walk instead of a coffee? Or at worst meet on Zoom/Skype/Facetime - it's not the same as a real-life meeting, but better than nothing. If there have been Covid cases at your school, even if you were not known to be directly exposed, I would share her reaction. If it's just because you're a teacher, it's a bit extreme IMO. But really, everyone has a different reaction to the risk, and she may not really be healthy: even if she's not at unusual physical risk for the virus, six months of anxiety may have affected her mental health. You are not U to feel disappointed, but you are U to feel betrayed.

We are not in a locked down area, and I am meeting my friends from all professions, including those that work in hospitals. My dc go to school every day and have contact with so many different children and teachers.
I can't see the point in minimising what I am doing, if the exposure is already reasonably high in combination. (900 dc in school) school bus and then going out to see friends after school. We may as well crack on and enjoy the time we have, take as many precautions as possible and be reasonable.

That said if I had no children and WFH then you have the option to drive down your risk to very low levels. I couldn't do it personally, and wouldn't want to, but I can understand why people make decisions to be as safe as possible and not see others.

I would still balk a little going into homes, even though we are allowed to, that makes me uncomfortable so we stick to coffee or lunch etc socially distanced.

YANBU OP. Typical attitude of the smug WFH lot, happy that they're at home safe and cosy with regular Sainsbury's deliveries but make sure you lot get back to work and provide the expected service please.

It is not the 'not meeting part' that is hurtful, but the 'cancelling at the last minute', that leaves the OP on their own. I mean the friend new about her work and risk situation way before.

You shouldn’t take that personal. She’s obviously been somewhat brainwashed by the media etc.... she’s obviously terrified to catch it, which is an OTT reaction for a young healthy person, but hey ho, that’s what they wanted-everyone to be so fearful.

Do you really work with covid infected kids all day?

Actually betrayed is my reaction, because society and parents (she is one) expect teachers (and nhs staff) to put themselves at risk looking after their children, but aren’t prepared to risk anything themselves to support us,

I think you’re being unfair. She has just changed her mind about coffee. Cut her some slack. She may be feeling lonely too and just because she’s not a frontline worker or teacher doesn’t mean everything is rosey for her.

@Bewareoftheblob

YANBU OP. Typical attitude of the smug WFH lot, happy that they're at home safe and cosy with regular Sainsbury's deliveries but make sure you lot get back to work and provide the expected service please.

So what's your suggestion? That no one dare (rationally or irrationally) make their own decisions for risk of offending those that have to work?

DP is a teacher, and it is true that many people are more circumspect about any kind of meet ups at the moment. But I think we all need to respect each other's choices as long as they are not breaching the guidelines. I'm afraid a lot of people are seeing the massive rise in cases during September and the mass return of kids to school as putting two and two together.

Unfortunately that is the way things are these days. I don't think you should take it as a personal slight. Some people are more worried about catching it than others. Even though their circumstances might be the same.

@Bewareoftheblob. What a horrible comment.

I think there is a gulf opening up between people who have to get out there and expose themselves to some risk, and those who are insulated from that working from home and are picking and choosing their risk.

It makes sense from a WFH perspective to absolutely minimise your risk but it's just galling for those who can't chose that otherwise they lose their jobs.

On the threads about universities, there's a lot of -we want our promised contact time and so forth (or some would prefer online teaching) but to deliver promised contact time, someone, a lecturer has to go and do it and potentially even if the environment is very safety conscious, be more exposed than if they sat at home. To then become a social leper as you are taking more of a risk, usually for the good of the students, or the school pupils, or even jus t because you don't want to lose your jobs, is a bit annoying.

I get it- and it's not entirely rational, but I guess when you face the risk every day you get more used to it and see it as not overwhelming, whereas lots of people working from home have got majorly risk averse to the point that they aren't prepared to even risk a tiny thing- that's not a luxury a school teacher has right now!

Maybe she thought she could psych herself up to do it and couldn’t. I know how she feels as I really had to plan my trip to see a friend on her birthday to minimise the risks. I get that you have to come into contact with Covid for work but I think if people want to limit their exposure that’s completely understandable. I get that some people don’t get a choice, but that’s life. Also the media love to call anyone enjoying themselves a covidiot so it’s easy to see how we have been manipulated.

Bewareoftheblob ‘smug wfh lot’? The friend is trying to reduce social contact ffs. Why is everything always turned into an ‘us and them’ argument. Just because someone wfh they are smug?

I agree with her, but I'm sure she could explain her feelings tactfully- or more tactfully than the words in the opening post.

Children are notorious carriers of infections and lice!

I think you need to try to understand this from her perspective. I'm minimising risk. My kids home to school that is essential, I food shop etc that is essentiall. I don't meet up for coffee because it's not essential and an extra posibility of us needing to isolate for 2 weeks. Think of the bigger picture OP

The only good thing is, having risked exposure in an educational setting, and having teens who might bring it home, I do feel more relaxed about taking risks, and getting out there and getting on with it. I actually feel mentally better than when I was frightened at home and perhaps overestimating every risk. I don't want to get corona particularly but I'm not scared if I do in quite the same dreaded way as before.

Does she have a child in school?

The WFH lot keeping contacts to the bare minimum are at least helping to keep the spread down so everyone else who has to be out there has less chance of catching it. My kids are at school now, I have better things to do than increase that risk.

I'm a nurse on a clean ward. My usually sensible parents treated me like an absolute leper the first time I went round to their garden. I had to sit in a towel and bin bag and wasn't allowed to touch anything. Because we worked all the way through, my colleagues and I are very relaxed about going out and forget that other people are very anxious about it.