Homesick DD locked down in uni room

[RollercoasterRita]

We took our DD to university in the middle of September. She was excited and full of hope. Now due to someone in her halls of residence being tested positive for COVID, her whole floor has been locked down in their tiny rooms with food parcels being delivered to outside their doors. Totally understand the precautions which need to be taken, but my baby girl is lonely and scared and homesick and I just want to drive up there and get her. I feel so helpless....

If she is feeling that terrible go and get her. I think people are underestimating just how damaging this is on mental health by which death rates are higher than covid right now. Drive there get her go home and keep her there. I don't care how many people ridicule parents for "babying" their children we all know life isn't roses but it's our job as parents to try and not contribute to it being miserable and things are pretty miserable right now for a lot of people. Hope she's ok.

Your priority is to you daughter and her mental health.

Ignore all these nasty keyboard warriors who say she should man up. They don’t give a fuck about young people. They seem to be actually enjoying the fact that young people are they are struggling and suffering isolation to preventing something that doesn’t impact on them.

Support her from afar if you can but if you’re concerned then don’t hesitate to go up there.

@Busybrain2020

I’d go and get her. Fuck the rules when they involve basically imprisoning young people in solitary confinement. I would never allow this to happen to my child.

Yeah fuck the rules when it involves spreading a potentially life threatening illness

@babba2014

Go and get her!

Please don’t. You know someone in her halls has tested positive. You know your DD could have it and be showing no symptoms. I’m assuming she hasn’t been tested. You have no idea if she has it. You bring her home you risk your whole household having to isolate and not being able to take her back for how long?!

Not to mention what the Uni would make of you doing that. I’m assuming there would be consequences for leaving after being to to isolate.

And people like @Busybrain2020 with their “fuck the rules” are the reason why this is going to go on and on.

@OperationallySound

she doesn't have COVID

How on earth can you say that? It's entirely possible she has covid. Honestly, I can't believe some of the responses on here. I can only assume those of you suggesting that the OP brings her home don't have family members who have had covid. Even young adults can be really ill, and the effects can last for ages.

Thank you for the good wishes upthread.

It's equally entirely possible that she doesn't. She's not displaying symptoms - we don't even know if they live in the same apartment - they've shut the whole floor down.

You don't quarantine if you live in a flat and your neighbour contracts COVID. You don't quarantine if someone you work with or a friend or a family member has COVID. Even if you are you are not confined TO A ROOM.

I can counter your assumption and say you've never had someone close to you who's battled with mental health issues exacerbated by loneliness and isolation. There's no end to this - they're locked down for two weeks and then what happens if someone else tests positive? Another two weeks and then another?

It's inhumane and is nothing other than solitary confinement which, correct me if I'm wrong, is illegal beyond a fortnight in prisons in the UK so why are university students exempt?, According to some of the posters above with children in the same situation the universities are imposing an indefinite period of isolation until no one tests positive.

She's eighteen years old, she's barely an adult, she's isolated and she's incredibly vulnerable. I would say COVID poses a far less significant risk to her.

Nine people died of COVID yesterday in the whole of the UK, this was exacerbated by people dying of the flu, of cancer, of heart disease and most importantly of suicide.

What is locking away universities full of young adults doing? It's exacerbating their depression, anxiety and whatever myriad of mental health issues. It's killing a great number of them far faster than COVID.

We need to put into perspective the number of losses compared to what we are losing. For some parents that's their kids. OP isn't suggesting her daughter goes round coughing and spitting on everything in sight, she wants to go and get her very lonely and distressed child and bring her home.

She is well within her rights to do that. Would you not do the same?

Its for 14 days, chridt all of us single people who had to put up with months of not having any human interaction or leaving the house during lockdown had to manage. And it was far longer too.

@ImSleepingBeauty

And people like *@Busybrain2020 with their “fuck the rules”* are the reason why this is going to go on and on.

No the reasons it’s going on and on is because it is a virus that is easily communicable, has almost no ill effects to the vast majority and we shouldn’t lock everyone up, crash the economy and vastly constrain people’s lives for an indefinite period.

@Ginkypig during lockdown I was alone. But in my home, where I could move from one room to another, had plenty of space, was somewhere familiar, and could leave to go to the shops, or go for a little drive or a daily walk. OP's daughter can do none of those things.

I had to isolate for a week right at the beginning, as I had a cough. That was bad enough in my roomy house. If I'd been confined to one small, unfamiliar room, I'd have struggled enormously. And that's half the time that the OP's daughter faces.

yeah the "fuck the rules" ones are the reason why it is still going on.
2 weeks is not long with plenty of distractions and phone contact.

Heaven help todays young if they really are suffering mental health over this.
Covid IS worse I promise. and the effects could last a life time.
Better to protect the physical health of the young so they can have healthy lives.
Give your daughter support yes but also give her a chance to grow resilience.
you don't know how valuable that might be.

“What won't help is catastrophising the situation and making her feel like it is worse than it is.”

This. You can help her make this much more bearable, but pragmatism is key. Encourage her to utilise the MANY sources of university support that will be available to her.

How long is she locked down for?

Holyrivoli, I care very much about young people, especially my kids, which is why I would encourage any child of mine to stick it out

its outrageous that so many young people are being treated like criminals

how on earth have we allowed this happen?

If your daughter wants to leave you should go and get her straight away

Actually I have family members with MH problems. But I'll counter you by saying your young adult DC probably wasn't up all night last night with breathing problems caused by covid. It's not just about the risk of death, it's about the long term, ongoing awful symptoms.

And of course the risk isn't just to her if she comes home, it's to her family members. None of us know what will happen to us if we get this virus. It's going to be 2 miserable weeks for her, but that's preferable to the potential alternative (we're already into the 4th week of misery, fear and worry thanks to covid).

She is not your baby girl she is an adult. Encourage her to make the best of a difficult situation, not run away from it. She is surrounded by other students her own age, all eager to make friends, who she can talk to - unless she is in an en suite room she presumably has to leave it sometimes.

She should also be doing some academic work. Send her some chocolate and a card, send cheery whats app messages, phone her once or twice a week and encourage her to live her grown up life .

Its for 14 days, chridt all of us single people who had to put up with months of not having any human interaction or leaving the house during lockdown had to manage. And it was far longer too.

Are you 18 years old, living in a completely new area, in what might be a fairly grotty room which is not your room, surrounded by people you have literally only just met, with nothing familiar and nobody you know nearby?

It's too much to ask of these kids. Plenty will be fine, some will be suffering MH wise. They can self isolate at home as long as the family are okay with that, and assuming OP wanted to take the risk of driving. If not, collect her at the end of the 14 days so she's not back in the same position in another few weeks time.

I feel for all uni students right now, many don’t know anyone, all are in a strange place/city and for many it’s their first time away from home. It’s awful that this has been allowed to happen when many could have started studies from home.

OP I hope your dd is ok, give her lots of reassurance, remind her she’s not the only one in this position and that 2 weeks may seem a long time but it really isn’t. She can call you, video call you when ever she needs too and maybe you can send her a few things in the post to cheer her up?

How does it work with using communal toilets/bathrooms?

DS shares a bathroom with 1 other - if they were classed as a household the 2 of them would be able to mix, but as the bathroom is the only communal area available, they would have to 'socialise' in one of their rooms, and he says that isn't allowed. So he really is confined to a small, smelly room for 2 weeks (his window will only open 2 inches max as he is on the 3rd floor, so barely any ventilation). It's vastly different from having to isolate in a house that has multiple rooms and maybe even a garden, with family to talk to.

Like others, it's not a single 2 week isolation I am concerned about - he will manage that - it's the possibility of a string of continuous 2 week isolation periods.

I have asked him if he wants to come home, but he says he wants to stay there for now. Coming home isn't ideal for us either though - much as we'd want him here, and I absolutely would fetch him if he wanted - it would mean the rest of us having to isolate too, which would cause another whole set of problems.

I have sent him a 'treat' parcel but have no idea if he will get it. All post has to be collected from reception, which is actually in a different building. He isn't allowed to leave his room. They aren't allowed visitors to the block, so unless the uni have orginised a post delivery service by staff members, it will sit in his pigeon hole till he is allowed out to collect it. Which sort of defeats the point. I am trying to get hold of the hall to ask about this but phones are currently just ringing out.

And people like @Busybrain2020 with their “fuck the rules” are the reason why this is going to go on and on.

Yeah no it’s really not. I haven’t been to a pub, restaurant, supermarket, my place of work or anyone else’s home since March. But I absolutely would go and get my child and isolate the family together.

@Busybrain2020

I’d go and get her. Fuck the rules when they involve basically imprisoning young people in solitary confinement. I would never allow this to happen to my child.

This is the type of bonkersness that makes people think it is worse than it is. It's not Alcatraz she is in. Hysterical nonsense.

A care parcel of things she would like would be great. Lots of good escapist novels, dvds and chocolate (if she likes those) a pair of warm cosy bedsocks, as some Uni digs are icy cold, some herbal tea for sleep and relaxation or maybe not chocolate, cocoa, luxury coffees and maybe some jams or novella sachets- students tend to eat lots of toast!

I hope the 14 days fly by for her and she won't have to be in a minute longer than that!

That sounds really tough, your poor DD.

This is the type of bonkersness that makes people think it is worse than it is. It's not Alcatraz she is in. Hysterical nonsense.

Exactly, a lad i know at uni has tested positive along with many others, he's spending his time watching films with his mates. He's a bit bored but is just getting on with it.

@OperationallySound

Then surely you can understand how debilitatingly dangerous this must be on their mental health.

I'm sorry your child has had a rough time with covid, that must have been very difficult for all of you. But how would they have coped with covid locked in a room without support?

You were able to stay up with your child and look after them. OP's daughter is stuck in a new place with no support network around them. As I'm assuming is the poor kid who's tested positive who is not allowed to go home or have any human contact with anyone. If it were any other illness from the flu to bloody anthrax then you would be allowed to go and get them. Why not with covid? You're picking them up and taking them straight home.

The rules regarding universities are inconsistent, ill-thought and downright unfair. Are they in a household together? No, because they aren't allowed to mix. Are they considered single households that are allowed to form a support bubble with another? No, because they have housemates. Can they apply for tests? No, because they aren't actually displaying symptoms nor have they necessarily gone into contact with the person testing positive. It's forced isolation and it's ridiculous. Could you spend 2 weeks in a bedroom and not be literally climbing the walls? I couldn't.

It's bloody barbaric and inhumane and, as a parent, you surely can't disagree.