To think this is not free time

[chocolatte2020]

I had the day off work today due to annual leave and our dc were with the childminder as they are every Wednesday. I pay for Wednesdays whether I work or if I'm off, so if I'm off work I still send them down and use the time to do something constructive.
I used today to make a start on some Christmas shopping for our dc and family. I always shop for my in-laws as I have the time and work less so I feel it's only fair.
My husband keeps making comments about how much free time I get and how I had all day to myself. I pointed out that I didn't have the day to myself I was doing stuff and he scoffed and said so "you weren't browsing for yourself either I suppose". I was gone 5 hours with two or those hours travel time.
Aibu or should I have been chained to the sink doing the dishes all day. I even left him lunch as he was working from home.

CuriousaboutSamphire Ok, last response because I am sure it bores everyone else on a thread to tears when two other posters get into a pointless argument that has nothing to do with the thread.

I posted at 11:36 :24. My post neither quoted nor @'d you. You made a snarky response which quoted me at 11:58:59. I have no idea why you are choosing to pretend otherwise!

Exactly. And so many people are falling over themselves to tell the OP that she should be thrilled to do Christmas shopping and the supermarket shop, because it's such fun.

And whatever your husbands are like, the OP's dh who snarks about her free time in Tesco's while allotting himself three lots of hobby time a week is unlikely to take a day off work to enthusiastically take part in a Christmas shopping trip. He's even less likely to suggest and organise it.

No one with a lazy dh made him that way. They had the arguments, the stonewalling, the entreaties, the negotiations before they gave up and decided it was easier to do it themselves. As it is regularly stated on here, you can't make an adult do anything they don't want to.

That's to MrsGene

Communicating in a board set up for communicating.

Shoot me now!

Likewise apologies to all for the derail. [Colour me bemused]

Why would he even question it? Who are these people who begrudge their loved ones time to themselves? I don’t work right now. Have dc3 (2) with me. When he naps I use the time for me and anytime I suggest something for the house my Dh will tell me to take the self care time.
Why would he be resentful? Bizarre

Birthdays and Christmas fall on the same date every bloody year, no excuse for not remembering unless of course you don't give a shiny/you think you're too important to do small tasks like that/you think so little or don't care about the person/you have some mug to do it for you. I have never bought presents for DPs family not because I don't like them but because they are his family, he knows them it's his job. Infact I don't even know when their birthdays are. DP never buys presents or sends cards, this reflects on him NOT me. Women need to stop judging other women and asking the DP/DH if they are offended there are no or crap gifts.

@unmarkedbythat

CuriousaboutSamphire Ok, last response because I am sure it bores everyone else on a thread to tears when two other posters get into a pointless argument that has nothing to do with the thread.

I posted at 11:36 :24. My post neither quoted nor @'d you. You made a snarky response which quoted me at 11:58:59. I have no idea why you are choosing to pretend otherwise!

@unmarkedbythat chill out, @CuriousaboutSamphire did nothing wrong.

She voiced an opinion based on your post, if you can't stand behind your opinion, that's not her fault!

What if the person on dh’s side is going through a bad time, or you have a very close and caring relationship with them? But you know they’ll get nothing because he won’t bother?

In that case I’d just do it myself, but absolutely not for those relatives who wouldn’t reciprocate, for eg a FIL who never buys for anyone, he doesn’t deserve it.

I’m still close to ex MIL and ex SIL, and certainly would still send them things from me and the dc. I don’t feel that our lovely supportive relationships should end on the whim of a man

(That’s a slightly different point, about divorce, but there’s still part of me that thinks I’ll step up because they’re nice people and he’ll ignore them )

For this to change there needs to be a society-wide change in the expectations on men. I won’t be holding my breath

@Looneytune253

Nothing wrong with that tho, I'm sure he gets days off and annual leave. Also most (not all) men get plenty of free time when mum is running round after kids. Does he never go to the pub, or gaming, or golf? Anything

Men in general have much more latitude to enjoy free time, in fact there was a thread on here recently where the partner was planning to carve out a couple of days a week when they could opt out of family life and veg out.

These types of blokes are absolute experts in grabbing themselves whatever me-time takes their fancy but equally content to categorise their partner's time to guilt them into jumping back on the shovel. A complete turn-off.

@ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes

For this to change there needs to be a society-wide change in the expectations on men. I won’t be holding my breath

It can happen, couple by couple, if women individually decide they won't put up with this shit.

It is free time and so what.

It is free time and as the name suggest (or should I say the adjective!!) you are FREE to what you want with it! My ex was the same as you husband. Always begrudging ant free time I had (ironically he did nothing around the house or for the children but any time I didn’t spent earning a living was ‘free time’ in his view!). In the end, he has plenty of free time too albeit in the evenings and at the weekends rather than during the day. You look after the children when he is out. He doesn’t have to do that for you, so where’s the problem?

Of course it’s free time! What do you class as free time? I also think you should have let your children have a day off to spend with you. Maybe they would like free time too! I would never in a million years have sent my child to childcare if I was off work.

Yes it's Free time but this is missing the point. DH was being mean spirited. Why should he make you feel bad about your day not doing your job or childcare?
Why does DH feel resentful to the point of making mean spirited comments?
Maybe HE needs some free time and that's what's really going on here.

Can you find a way to have a relaxing adult evening (or afternoon) soon so he feels a bit less run down?

This is one of those times where both in the couple need to make a conscious choice to look after themselves and each other - even if the temptation is to lay into one another!

Your husband feels jealous by the sound of it. I can, to an extent, understand that - we all do sometimes, particularly if we feel under pressure or a bit put-upon and think others are somehow getting a better deal.
I work very long hours in a job I love, but is also tiring and sometimes really hard. My husband is older, and he took ‘early’ retirement due to cancer - he’s ok now but still couldn’t take on another job at this point. ISometimes I feel jealous of his free time - though he does all the domestic stuff - so maybe I’m guilty like your DH. I also occasionally envy other women who seem to have an easy life compared with me. I don’t have a go at him about it though, and I don’t have a go at female friends who have well off DH and a lot of ‘me time.’ I just keep it to myself! Envy and martyrdom are not good looks.

Also, because he had cancer, I DGAF about a lot of stuff I might have got wound up about before. He’s here and touch wood healthy so a lot of minor marital disputes seem very unimportant.

@chocolatte2020 It is free time but you fill it how you see fit as its your free time so who gives a rats ass if moans. And your doing things for his parents 🤔😂

What’s his problem with you having free time? He sounds like a bit of a wally and you should call him out about it.
If he has ‘free time’ I’m pretty sure he doesn’t use it to buy Christmas presents for anyone.

It is free time but I don't think he should criticise you for it. I am sure you do more in the house if you work less.

It isn't free time if your day out is due to family related demands.

Free time is sitting on your butt watching Netflix stuffing your faces with cake.

You didn't "choose" to spend your day shopping as some frivolous day out: you were doing what needed to be done and this counts as chores in my book.

As others have stated: challenge his attitude. Particularly as he has lots of free time for his hobbies and make it clear he will be doing the rest of the Christmas shopping for the year as he views it as "free time". He can do that instead of his hobbies and he can sort his own parents presents out in future.

His attitude stinks. He can do his own lunch from now on.

No not free time. Out shopping and driving about, is a far cry from being at home relaxing with your feet up. Maybe DH in his free time can shop for his parents and pick some bits up for Christmas? Maybe on his day off if it’s so fun.

I wouldn't say that's free time personally. Shopping for Christmas presents is an essential chore in my eyes (and something that's left almost completely to me to sort out.) No different to other chores. I'd enjoy it more than doing the laundry, for example, but it's not something I'd choose to do for fun in my 'free time.'

I would love that kind of free time. But if you don't enjoy it then I guess it's fair enough to be annoyed.