Or was friend horrible re pregnancy announcement?

[Thiswillbeaneverlastinglove]

I have been struggling to conceive now for 3 years and have multiple failed rounds of fertility treatment behind me. Obviously in that time lots of my friends and family have gotten pregnant. Most tell me personally and it usually goes ‘well I wanted to tell you I’m pregnant’ me ‘congratulations that’s wonderful when are you due etc’. Later on I would often feel upset it’s not me but I am genuinely happy for my friends. Some of my closest friends also sometimes said ‘ I understand this is hard for you and I hope you will be pregnant soon too’ which is nice of them and I’ve always felt very lucky to have understanding friends.

However last night a good friend rang me to tell me she’s pregnant and I can only describe it as horrible.

Friend had only been trying around 4 months. Basically she said 3 times on the call how wonderful it was that she got pregnant naturally and didn’t need any help to get pregnant - to me who she knows has been told I won’t be able to conceive naturally. She kept going on about how tough it was for her being pregnant how tired she was now ill she felt - to me who she knows would give anything to be pregnant. She talked about how tough it was she didn’t get pregnant earlier and how she called me to tell me as that’s how she liked to be told when she was ‘struggling’ to get pregnant - so equating her non issues conceiving in 4 months to my trying for years, spending thousands and going through gruelling fertility procedures. She also said I was fine as I had a dog.

AIBU or was this just a awful way to tell me. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting. I hung up from the call and cried my eyes out which has never happened me before. She made me feel so worthless.

Yes that is really awful. I'm so sorry. This sounds like someone who isn't a real friend.

Spectacularly thoughtless and offensive. Have you told her how it made you feel?

She sounds very insensitive. Maybe you could put it down to her excitement and hormones but even so......You are not worthless. I hope you conceive soon

That's awful OP. I can't see any positives to that conversation. So insensitive and unnecessary. Hug

You are absolutely not unreasonable. What an insensitive 'friend'.

I've been where you are OP, I honestly do understand. I think some people just don't understand at all. I believe infertility/fertility issues really is only something you really 'get' if you've been through it. Unfortunately a lot of people who haven't just don't think it's a big of a deal as it is or how painful it can be.

You'll probably have people tell you it's your friends 'right' to enjoy her pregnancy, but personally I think any half decent person would try and place themselves in their friends shoes in this scenario.

Just do what you need to do for your own wellbeing, if that means distancing yourself from this person then you do that and don't feel guilty.

It's okay because you have a dog? I've had that too. It just shows the complete lack of understanding mentioned above.

Wow she is awful. She’s also going to be a fucking nightmare if this is how she is already.

Maybe pull back from her right now.

What an absolute arsehole, I'd be distancing yourself from her. Hope you're ok

Well of course she was being an insensitive shit op. I’d have been willing to consider she’d forgotten your circumstances in her excitement, until the ‘it’s okay you’ve got a dog comment’. So she was actually thinking of you struggling to conceive. In that context, all of her other comments just seems like she’s gloating over being able to conceive so easily when you can’t. Has she tried to contact you after you hung up on her?

💐You're not overreacting. Putting aside her excitement, her comments were thoughtless and cruel. I would be reassessing the friendship tbh. A true friend would take your feelings into consideration, she isn't and didn't. Wishing you well on your journey. 💐

Good grief, she sounds like she has the sensitivity of a brick. No amount of excitement in your own news can excuse behaving like that towards a friend who you have seen struggling with infertility for years.

If you feel comfortable maybe consider telling how you feel, but if not I’d withdraw from seeking her company for a while. People like her are often so self-absorbed that she’ll probably get worse during her pregnancy, telling you every little detail, and oblivious to your distress

Your friend is a dick. She was unbelievably crass and insensitive, and I can't fathom how anyone could think it's OK to talk like that to someone who has struggled with fertility (as in properly struggled, not "It took a couple of months").

You are not unreasonable to be upset and you were not unreasonable to have ended the call. Frankly, you wouldn't be unreasonable if you told her exactly what you think of her and told her you wanted nothing more to do with her.

I suspect she wasn’t deliberately horrible and was trying to empathise/sympathise/console, but she was way off the mark and I’d be pretty upset if I was you.

Might be time to re-evaluate the friendship and consider if you might need to distance yourself from future onslaughts of insensitivity.

Smug bitch. I would cut her loose, she’s no friend. Don’t worry the competitive stealth boast moans will continue. I too have fertility issues and l love the “it’s alright for you, it’s so easy not having children and you just don’t know what it’s like!!!”. Well, l would love to but thanks to fertility issues l don’t and it increasingly looks like l never will

She either lacks natural empathy or is one of those people who secretly thrive off making others jealous. Fertility is a horrible thing to show off with but sadly there are loads of people like that out there. They assume others won't be able to call them out since pregnancy is supposed to be loaded with positivity however it's easy to spot them.

You can distance yourself from her and she'll inevitably start telling people you're not "being happy enough" for her. I'd probably cut my losses and let her live out her pathetic delusions of grandeur with other people.

@BrightYellowDaffodil good point, there are real fertility issues and “it took me a few months to conceive” which doesn’t count lm afraid

If she is a good friend then I dread to think how badly you must be treated by people who do not like you.
If you don't want to dump her from your friend list - at least put her on the back burner for your own well being.
Give your dog a hug - they will know more about being loyal and compassionate then your "good friend" ever will.

Absolutely leave that friendship to fizzle out.

I managed to conceive my baby easily the first time, but I'm now 19 months into ttc the second and having to go through ivf. She shouldn't be so smug because life has a way of surprising you.

That’s just awful. She’s no friend. It’s sounds like she was gloating.

There are times in life when you just have to accept some 'friends' are just no longer part of your life and quietly walk away. I think is one of them.

Sounds like you have enough good friends, let this one go.

I am so sorry you are so hurt.

She was hugely insensitive, maybe take a step back from this friendship while her pregnancy continues.
I’m glad you have many understanding friends.

I’ve been trying for four years so I know how you feel. Your friend is a complete bitch and I’m being very polite.

What led up to your friend saying you were fine as you have a dog? That doesn't sound like something that would be said out of the blue.

I agree with posters saying move away from the friendship now.

It'll get way worse when she starts to complain about sleepless nights and how 'it's easy for because your dog sleeps'

She was thoughtless and insensitive. It really doesn't matter how one conceives, naturally or with help that modern medicine can provide. You are allowed to feel upset and tbh i would withdraw from her for a while. She is either an unworthy friend and self absorbed or she could have been worried about how to tell you and babbled nonsense (some people do when nervous).

that's absolutely awful, it sounds like you haven't gained anything from having her in your life so I would be considering cutting her off.