Or was friend horrible re pregnancy announcement?

[Thiswillbeaneverlastinglove]

I have been struggling to conceive now for 3 years and have multiple failed rounds of fertility treatment behind me. Obviously in that time lots of my friends and family have gotten pregnant. Most tell me personally and it usually goes ‘well I wanted to tell you I’m pregnant’ me ‘congratulations that’s wonderful when are you due etc’. Later on I would often feel upset it’s not me but I am genuinely happy for my friends. Some of my closest friends also sometimes said ‘ I understand this is hard for you and I hope you will be pregnant soon too’ which is nice of them and I’ve always felt very lucky to have understanding friends.

However last night a good friend rang me to tell me she’s pregnant and I can only describe it as horrible.

Friend had only been trying around 4 months. Basically she said 3 times on the call how wonderful it was that she got pregnant naturally and didn’t need any help to get pregnant - to me who she knows has been told I won’t be able to conceive naturally. She kept going on about how tough it was for her being pregnant how tired she was now ill she felt - to me who she knows would give anything to be pregnant. She talked about how tough it was she didn’t get pregnant earlier and how she called me to tell me as that’s how she liked to be told when she was ‘struggling’ to get pregnant - so equating her non issues conceiving in 4 months to my trying for years, spending thousands and going through gruelling fertility procedures. She also said I was fine as I had a dog.

AIBU or was this just a awful way to tell me. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting. I hung up from the call and cried my eyes out which has never happened me before. She made me feel so worthless.

I agree with a pp who said you either "get" the impact of fertility issues, or you don't. But what everybody should have is an acceptance of and empathy for anybody going through an experience that is traumatic for them, no matter how far outside of your own experience that is. It's basic humanity. Your friend lacked any awareness here. Distance yourself for protection and because she sounds like one of those people who will talk constantly about her pregnancy when the reality is the only people interested are her, the father and possibly the grandparents.

@Thunderbolted

People say the strangest things. When we were going through IVF (maybe 5 rounds by this stage) a friend was just starting treatment for secondary infertility. She told us that it was harder for her as she already had a child and so knew what she was missing out on, whereas being childless we didn't understand!!

I was told this too when ttc.

People say the strangest things. When we were going through IVF (maybe 5 rounds by this stage) a friend was just starting treatment for secondary infertility. She told us that it was harder for her as she already had a child and so knew what she was missing out on, whereas being childless we didn't understand!!

I’ve had this as well. People are fucking idiots sometimes.

I asked them whether they’d rather have one child or none. They kind of muttered and walked off.

I agree with other posters that if she is like this now, essentially behaving like the Madonna and twatting on endlessly, then she's going to be a bloody nightmare throughout the pregnancy and probably beyond. I'd fuck her off, honestly.
I'm so sorry. I really hope it happens for you x

I agree with everyone else it was unbelievably self absorbed. The fact she doesn’t mean to hurt you won’t make it better. I would cool the friendship for a while. If she rings, do grey rock.. “lovely, sorry got to dash!”. Maybe tell a few close friends what’s going on so they can run interference in group situations.

I would go no contact. Look after yourself. Xx

Omg i'm so sorry she was so insensitive. I would back away from the friendship as she obviously doesn't care about YOUR feelings or she would've been sensitive about it. Honestly it staggers me how insensitive people can be.

We are also struggling with conceiving and had a MC in June which I am still really struggling with and a friend of mine who I'm not really close to anymore text me out of the blue, waxing lyrical about her brother (who i don't really know) and his wife who's baby had just been born. I get she was obviously excited but I felt like she could've directed it at someone else who isn't going through conception hell.

People can be staggeringly clueless sometimes. My DM was by far the worst, with her platitudes. From very early on, she reminded us that we could adopt if we couldn't have biological DC. As my DH said, 'Does she think we don't know that adoption is an option to consider?' (We did adopt in the end, but not because she suggested it.)

She had never had any difficulty conceiving, so she really didn't have a clue.

@festiveivf

Use of the statement “you’re fine” in the first comment is dismissive and conclusive in that it implies that a dog is an adequate substitute for a baby.

The second statement is totally different as it acknowledges that what OP really wants is a baby and implies that in the interim the dog offers comfort.

Completely different

OP I’ve been on both sides and back again: I had fertility treatment and following my first DC I subsequently fell pregnant whilst a dear friend was herself going through the same.

Telling her I was pregnant was one of the hardest things I’ve done. As it turned out my DS died shortly after birth and she had two babies before I was able to conceive again. So I get it. It can be really shit. You know your friend best. If she is usually a friend I’d for I give her her clumsiness. But only you know the likely real intent.