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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For speaking up to neighbour

159 replies

Wibblywobbly40 · 30/09/2020 07:00

Sorry long post

This is more of was I being unreasonable or not

I have lived in my new house since just before lockdown. I have got along with my neighbours really well and I love living here but I have one gripe that makes me question things before I do them.

Across the road opposite me a neighbour literally knows or thinks they know everything about everyone, during lockdown I stayed in the majority of the time unless I really really needed to go to the shop and couldn't wait for a delivery but majority of the time I would have things delivered this included takeaways sometimes twice a week and a couple of comments were made about it to me from this neighbour, they were jokey comments or so I thought so let it go.

Fast forward to being able to go out a bit more freely wearing a mask etc, I started to notice the comments more frequently coming but not about getting deliveries but even when I left the house getting a running commentary on how long I had been what time I left and which way I went (this is not an exaggeration) to the point I was getting phone calls from her daughter (who I have known for many years) to ask if I was back home because her mum said she hadn't seen me go back in and I was out a while.

This came up again yesterday when she asked why I had been out the house so long when we are in local lockdown, I had been to an appointment which could not have waited any longer but instead of explaining myself I lost my temper and said it was none of her business what I do in and out of my own house and she should stop watching my every move, if I want to get takeaways for breakfast lunch and dinner that is none of hers or anyone's business or if I want to spend money on having things delivered to my house again is none of anyone's business. I blew because I felt like a prisoner in my own home being let out on supervised day release everytime I went out.

I feel bad now for blowing the way I did and I know she was not happy

AIBU - I shouldn't have blew up

YANBU - she should be told to mind her own business

OP posts:
ElizabethMainwaring · 30/09/2020 07:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheGinGenie · 30/09/2020 07:01

I think you were fine, this sounds awful to live with and she should mind her own business!

Whererainfalls · 30/09/2020 07:03

She's being weird and intrusive. I think you were within your rights.

Gizlotsmum · 30/09/2020 07:03

Do you live on your own? Could she have been checking o. You out of concern? (how does your daughter have your number). Probably shouldn't have let it build up to the point of exploding but equally should not feel like you are being watched. I think it was probably a misplaced concern on behalf of the neighbour and an end of tether reaction from you.

Original poster
Wibblywobbly40 · 30/09/2020 07:14

I don't live on my own, I have my 2 kids and partner, this also can be an issue, her daughter once asked me if I wanted to come to hers for a coffee and a chat one night but that night my partner was working late or so he had told me and he came home early and I got a phone call to say your partner is home early my mum said so do you want to come down now but at this point it was later on, I had been expecting him to come home later so I had been in the bath and was sorted for chill out time once the kids had went to bed, this made her think I was lying and just didn't want to go which wasn't the case.

I actually had to look up what PBP meant I am not a previously banned poster nor a troll, I have just recently changed my user name but that's all 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 30/09/2020 07:20

Can you move?

StrongTea · 30/09/2020 07:22

That would drive me nuts.

Beautiful3 · 30/09/2020 07:24

They sound too intrusive. Just be polite when you see them but ignore phone calls and messages.

user1493413286 · 30/09/2020 07:24

I think I would have said something much earlier on definitely at the point where I was getting asked if I’d come back home.

Womencanlift · 30/09/2020 07:25

YANBU, that example with the friend calling you saying they knew your partner was home is ridiculous and would make me feel suffocated that I can’t do anything without getting watched.

Has your friend been in contact since your confrontation with her mum?

Weebitawks · 30/09/2020 07:25

What did the neighbour say after you blew?

ElizabethMainwaring · 30/09/2020 07:26

ApologiesFlowers
There is an extremely prolific troll about every night and I was over zealous.
I hope that you get your problem solved.
I will get my message taken down

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/09/2020 07:27

Hopefully your explosion will have put her off commenting to you. I expect the surveillance will continue.

ElizabethMainwaring · 30/09/2020 07:27

Oh it's gone now.
I've never broker talk guidelines beforeBlush

Original poster
Wibblywobbly40 · 30/09/2020 07:28

I don't want to really move I do love living here.

I may have made it sound like my life is terrible here, that's not the case I just don't like being watched with every little thing I do by one person who likes to comment on the things I do I felt a little boxed in and lost my temper but felt bad after doing it

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 30/09/2020 07:29

Don’t feel bad OP. Busy bodies like that need to be told that constant stalking of neighbours is not appropriate

WhoseThatGirl · 30/09/2020 07:30

Hell no! Well done for not kicking off earlier or telling her to cock off. I hate feeling of being watched, like a child.

PopsicleHustler · 30/09/2020 07:30

Wow, imagine calling to say your husband is home now. Like they had been physically standing there, watching and waiting.

I'd tell them to hop it as well.

Talk about curtain twitches to the extreme

EnjoyingTheSilence · 30/09/2020 07:31

I think you were calm and measured in your words. Tell their dd she can do one too. They both sound dreadful

Original poster
Wibblywobbly40 · 30/09/2020 07:33

I walked away once I had said it, her daughter isn't really a friend just someone I have known for years but has becone more friendly since I have moved here.

I suspect as soon as it happened she probably phoned her daughter to tell her what happened, she is the type that is always right and even if she is wrong she is right and sometimes there is no point in arguing with her because she would still be right at the end of it

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 30/09/2020 07:35

She's obviously got mh stuff going on, this isn't normal. She won't change or stop, it's about you now not accepting her comments and telling her straight. You don't have to be nasty, or get to a point were you blow again. But you can tell her that you don't want to know.

Lipz · 30/09/2020 07:36

That's no way to live. Tbh I would have said the same, actually I would have said worse.

It is none of their business what you do, you shouldn't have to be worrying about a neighbour timing you like a child. You need to be able to come and go as you please without questions and calls.

The only way to put a stop to this is end any sort of relationship you have with them, it won't stop the neighbourhood watch but at least you won't know as they won't be contacting you.

It means either changing your number or telling them straight you're done with them.

People like that don't change.

GnomeDePlume · 30/09/2020 07:37

I am a little on the fence as I think you were unreasonable to blow up at your neighbour but at the same time YANBU to expect your neighbour to mind her own business.

Ponoka7 · 30/09/2020 07:38

"she is the type that is always right and even if she is wrong she is right and sometimes there is no point in arguing with her because she would still be right at the end of it"

There's some type of condition there. Her daughter has possibly found ways to manage it, or has been conditioned into placating her Mother, but you don't have to accept this. Be honest with the daughter and tell her, as well as your neighbour, that you don't want the intrusion and commentary on your movements.

StopCryingYourHeartOut · 30/09/2020 07:38

I wouldn't get into anymore dialogue with them at all.
Dont answer their calls and just walk away if they start to talk to you in the street.
Crackpots.

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