For speaking up to neighbour

[Wibblywobbly40]

Sorry long post

This is more of was I being unreasonable or not

I have lived in my new house since just before lockdown. I have got along with my neighbours really well and I love living here but I have one gripe that makes me question things before I do them.

Across the road opposite me a neighbour literally knows or thinks they know everything about everyone, during lockdown I stayed in the majority of the time unless I really really needed to go to the shop and couldn't wait for a delivery but majority of the time I would have things delivered this included takeaways sometimes twice a week and a couple of comments were made about it to me from this neighbour, they were jokey comments or so I thought so let it go.

Fast forward to being able to go out a bit more freely wearing a mask etc, I started to notice the comments more frequently coming but not about getting deliveries but even when I left the house getting a running commentary on how long I had been what time I left and which way I went (this is not an exaggeration) to the point I was getting phone calls from her daughter (who I have known for many years) to ask if I was back home because her mum said she hadn't seen me go back in and I was out a while.

This came up again yesterday when she asked why I had been out the house so long when we are in local lockdown, I had been to an appointment which could not have waited any longer but instead of explaining myself I lost my temper and said it was none of her business what I do in and out of my own house and she should stop watching my every move, if I want to get takeaways for breakfast lunch and dinner that is none of hers or anyone's business or if I want to spend money on having things delivered to my house again is none of anyone's business. I blew because I felt like a prisoner in my own home being let out on supervised day release everytime I went out.

I feel bad now for blowing the way I did and I know she was not happy

AIBU - I shouldn't have blew up

YANBU - she should be told to mind her own business

” As has already been said, I know it's a common MN trope, but imagine if it were a big man in his 30s rather than an older lady doing the exact same thing - that would show it for what it truly is.”

The reason the big man in his 30s is more serious is because there is risk of sexually motivated physical assault. While the OP has every right to be upset by this neighbor and to put a stop to it we shouldn’t pretend these threats are the same.

She sounds as if she has some mental health issues. It’s good that you’ve made it clear your boundaries and told her that you don’t find it acceptable, she will get over it.

The reason the big man in his 30s is more serious is because there is risk of sexually motivated physical assault. While the OP has every right to be upset by this neighbor and to put a stop to it we shouldn’t pretend these threats are the same.

True, but you never know what trouble some of these people can cause, even if physically feeble. She could make up spurious lies to get others to come over. She might have a SonIL or an adult GS who could be very 'persuasive' in righting perceived wrongs on behalf of their MIL or GM. Some physically weak old ladies can be surprisingly adept at using their tongues and manipulative skills to get others to do their dirty work.

I have an elderly female relative who used to cause a great deal of strife when she was younger which would end up with her largely getting away with it but her brother or husband being drawn into fights to settle the arguments that she had single-handedly fomented by telling lies and making false accusations.

Also, I'm not suggesting at all that it's the case here, but it's far from uncommon for quite formidable and ruthless crime/vigilante rings to operate under the front of an apparently sweet little old grandma whom nobody suspects or fears.

It does make you wonder why people like this go to such effort to make up whatever drama they can in their neighbourhoods, to keep themselves occupied in their desperately dull, tiny little worlds, when there is any number of TV soaps designed for this very purpose - and with gripping action and scandal such as murders, affairs, family feuds etc. and not just Alan at number 53 taking delivery of a book about fishing technique or Doris three doors down hanging out her washing on a Tuesday when she normally does it all at the weekend.

I don’t think you are at all unreasonable she is really crossing boundaries watching your every move and you are entitled to your privacy!

That is weird behaviour from your neighbour and I'm just amazed you didn't say something earlier.

I really must be anti social I havebt had that many conversations with my neighbours in the 3 years we've lived next door.

And they definitely dont have my number

She sounds as if she has some mental health issues

Here we go again. Mental health ‘issues’ trotted out as an excuse for downright bad and rude behaviour. It’s such a disservice to those who genuinely have mental illness, to ascribe all ‘odd’ behaviour to it. Not everyone who is rude/odd/unpleasant/intrusive is ill or has ‘issues’, very many of them are just assholes.

Not everyone who is rude/odd/unpleasant/intrusive is ill or has ‘issues’, very many of them are just assholes.

Absolutely true - but there is sometimes a crossover, especially among the elderly, where some folk have MH issues but are also assholes; and it's not always easy to tell what is to blame for which part.