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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be disappointed he didn't buy me an ipad?

153 replies

chookbug · 29/09/2020 11:58

For months now, since the start of lockdown my husband has been dropping hints that he is going to buy me an ipad for my birthday. He bought a new one for himself last year and gave me his old one but it doesn't really work anymore as it is pre 2014 and so few apps work on it and the browser is crashing all the time. I didn't ask for a new ipad but he just kept hinting at how I needed a new and that I'd be wanting one for my birthday. I didn't ask for one or hint at it myself.

It was my birthday yesterday and he gave me a dvd and a book from my amazon list and some chocolate which is lovely but its a bit disappointing after him hinting at the ipad for so long. Our money situation is fine, and is unchanged although he earns a lot more than me so an ipad isn't a purchase I can easily make for myself.

I feel a bit petulant for being disappointed but it was unfair of him to drop hints. I asked everyone else for money so I could get an apple pencil even.

OP posts:

holidayseeker · 29/09/2020 12:00

Is there a new iPad coming out soon? Could that be why he has not brought one yet. Maybe Christmas 😆

seayork2020 · 29/09/2020 12:00

Why not just buy your own? We just buy what we want at the time

MsEllany · 29/09/2020 12:02

I don’t think YABU, although I know a lot of people will think you are. If that’s the sort of money you normally spend on one another then what you got seems really stingy, especially when you consider he’s been dropping hints for ages! Although having said that - if you weren’t then maybe he thought you weren’t bothered?

Is he normally a skinflint when it comes to you? I always find married couples that don’t share finances really odd. How can it possibly work unless you both earn the same amount?

Syngin · 29/09/2020 12:02

Just buy your own? If you’re married then just share the money?

wildcherries · 29/09/2020 12:02

He shouldn't have hinted. I'd have been a bit disappointed, too.

lughnasadh · 29/09/2020 12:02

When he was dropping hints, did you say 'wow, that'd be amazing'?

Perhaps he got the impression you weren't bothered .

Lots of people take a one ipad per house approach (not me!) .

Just buy yourself one for Christmas.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 29/09/2020 12:04

If he has access to more of the family money than you, than that’s the problem. Sort that and then the iPad situation will be easier to resolve.

Hadjab · 29/09/2020 12:04

Unless the gift giver is one of those people who always gets it right, if you want something, you should ask for it, or at least give options, or just be grateful for what you get. It was my 50th on Saturday, and I got a load of wonderful and unusual gifts, but some friends who were stuck did ask what I wanted and I told them.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 29/09/2020 12:05

Can't you talk to him about it and explain what you've said here - very grateful for what you've got but thought you'd talked about an iPad?

nimbuscloud · 29/09/2020 12:05

Our money situation is fine, and is unchanged although he earns a lot more than me so an ipad isn't a purchase I can easily make for myself.

Why not?

Kanaloa · 29/09/2020 12:05

If he was hinting, you maybe should have said ‘oh yes I’d like an iPad for my birthday.’ If he hinted and you seemed lukewarm he might have thought you didn’t want one?

AlwaysCheddar · 29/09/2020 12:06

Buy one today? Ask him why he didn’t get you one?

Original poster

chookbug · 29/09/2020 12:09

I was very much keen on the ipad when he mentioned it so he did know I wanted one.

We don't normally spend that much on gifts but this year has been an unusual year as we'd normally go on holiday and out a lot more.

He isn't stingy but we don't normally spend that much although we could afford to.

We do share money but I couldn't spend this myself without discussing it with him. It would have been lovely to get it as a gift.

OP posts:

BarbaraofSeville · 29/09/2020 12:10

Just buy one. All this hinting is just pointless.

Arrange your money so you both have equal personal spending money and buy things like that when you decide you want it.

Buy each other fun token things for Christmas and birthdays. Much less stress.

seayork2020 · 29/09/2020 12:12

Op if i want something from my husband I tell/ask him and him with me we don't do hints or mind games then complain the other did not get it.

Be a grown up and just buy it

sapnupuas · 29/09/2020 12:12

@chookbug

I was very much keen on the ipad when he mentioned it so he did know I wanted one.

We don't normally spend that much on gifts but this year has been an unusual year as we'd normally go on holiday and out a lot more.

He isn't stingy but we don't normally spend that much although we could afford to.

We do share money but I couldn't spend this myself without discussing it with him. It would have been lovely to get it as a gift.

Your money isn't shared if it would have been fine for him to spend it on you as a gift, but not for you to buy one yourself.

And, let's not forget that he bought one for himself last year...

Original poster

chookbug · 29/09/2020 12:13

Perhaps I dropped the ball but when he asked what I wanted I didn't come right out and say oh that ipad you keep hinting at because it seemed presumptious and grabby, and I thought he was just teasing me a bit. All the while I was being presumptious and grabby in my heart

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 29/09/2020 12:13

Is it possible that it just slipped his mind that you were keen to get an iPad for your birthday? Or maybe when he was mentioning to previously you didn't seem very keen. My DH likes me to articulate things fully as in 'as it is my birthday soon I have been looking at iPads as you suggested. The one I would like is XYZ. Looking forward to using it!'.

Mumisnotmyonlyname · 29/09/2020 12:21

So discuss with him that you want it, and suggest you buy it. He can hardly refuse.

loobywench · 29/09/2020 12:22

I think you should have told him when he asked!

Original poster

chookbug · 29/09/2020 12:22

Ok, I will talk to him about it and if not now then will hopefully get it for christmas.

OP posts:

Original poster

chookbug · 29/09/2020 12:24

This is probably what I get for not being upfront about my grabby self and trying to appear all unmaterialistic!

OP posts:

SunshineCake · 29/09/2020 12:25

@chookbug

Ok, I will talk to him about it and if not now then will hopefully get it for christmas.

You are an adult. Just tell him you need one now

SoupDragon · 29/09/2020 12:25

As a PP said, there is a new iPad due for sale in the next month, they've just announced it. It would be a bit daft to buy one just before that, although not mentioning it is odd.

jessstan2 · 29/09/2020 12:25

Christmas is coming, chookbug. You may have a nice surprise then.

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