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Original poster

to be disappointed he didn't buy me an ipad?

153 replies

chookbug · 29/09/2020 11:58

For months now, since the start of lockdown my husband has been dropping hints that he is going to buy me an ipad for my birthday. He bought a new one for himself last year and gave me his old one but it doesn't really work anymore as it is pre 2014 and so few apps work on it and the browser is crashing all the time. I didn't ask for a new ipad but he just kept hinting at how I needed a new and that I'd be wanting one for my birthday. I didn't ask for one or hint at it myself.

It was my birthday yesterday and he gave me a dvd and a book from my amazon list and some chocolate which is lovely but its a bit disappointing after him hinting at the ipad for so long. Our money situation is fine, and is unchanged although he earns a lot more than me so an ipad isn't a purchase I can easily make for myself.

I feel a bit petulant for being disappointed but it was unfair of him to drop hints. I asked everyone else for money so I could get an apple pencil even.

OP posts:
Wilkie1956mog · 30/09/2020 18:22

Unfair and mean to have kept dropping hints like that and then not buy you one. I'd be very hurt if my DH did something like that. Or at least with no reasonable explanation.

EternalOptimist7 · 30/09/2020 18:26

I don’t think you were being grabby at all!

blueberrypie0112 · 30/09/2020 18:30

I would have just brought one myself :)

Annasgirl · 30/09/2020 18:36

@BritWifeinUSA

So, he can buy himself an iPad without discussing with you and without it being a birthday or Christmas gift but you have to either wait for your birthday or Christmas for him to allow you to have one or you have to discuss it with him first before being allowed to buy one. You are married. The money belongs to both of you. This is economic abuse - why on earth are you even tolerating it? You have much bigger issues than a 2014 iPad that crashes.
This x 100 - I cannot believe people who have missed this MAJOR POINT
Palavah · 30/09/2020 18:40

@LannieDuck

Did he discuss it with you when he bought himself one?

Wait until you see one on a good deal, and buy it. If he questions it, you can say you thought he was getting you one for your birthday, but he didn’t so you’ve bought it for yourself... just like he did.

This!

Ps - there might be good deals in the runup to Black Friday

MitziK · 30/09/2020 18:42

@OohThatCat

There's new devices coming out soon - he might either be waiting for them to be released to get you the newest one, or for the price to lower on the latest one before the newest one, which I think they do once a newer model is out.
More likely he's going to buy himself the new one and pass his cast off to OP.
WINDOLENE · 30/09/2020 18:56

Buy your own might be the solution

Mummytea24 · 30/09/2020 18:57

Why do women think they should have full access to their husbands bank account and be able to go out and buy themselves iPads etc and like the lady on here yesterday feel its financial abuse if they don't?

AuroraSophia · 30/09/2020 18:57

If my boyfriend had dropped hints and insinuated he was getting me an iPad I’d damn make sure he was getting me an iPad 😂 when I didn’t open it on my birthday I’d say awwww must be getting the new one in September?? You’re amazing babe thanks!!

blueberrypie0112 · 30/09/2020 19:13

@Mummytea24

Why do women think they should have full access to their husbands bank account and be able to go out and buy themselves iPads etc and like the lady on here yesterday feel its financial abuse if they don't?
I have access to our account, I have two choices, I can spend my money on clothes and other stuffs or I can save it for iPads, not a big deal. It only become a big deal when you can’t pay your bills or save money for bigger things like retirement
Iwanttobeagranny · 30/09/2020 19:14

Yep just buy one and say “look what I’ve bought myself for my birthday”...I would even get it inscribed ‘happy birthday to me’ on the back!

Hopeisnotastrategy · 30/09/2020 19:22

[quote chookbug]@MJMG2015 you are reading it wrong, as I said he's just not that fussed about birthdays and we went on a day trip yesterday to the mountains so he was preoccupied with that. I should have just asked him.[/quote]
No sorry OP, I have to take you to task on this one,

It was not your responsibility to ask him and it was not your fault. Having awoken your expectations, he, like so many husbands constantly, should have been arsed to pass some warm air through his mouth and flapped his lips and his tongue about a bit and COMMUNICATED with you about what was going on.

Instead he set you up for disappointment. We should all refuse to accept such low standards from our other halves if they can't even be bothered to do that, 💐

When we write the stories of our lives, let's not make it Cinderella or Pet Story. Equal relationship, equal respect. Enjoy your new Ipad. 😊

Hopeisnotastrategy · 30/09/2020 19:32

@Mummytea24

Why do women think they should have full access to their husbands bank account and be able to go out and buy themselves iPads etc and like the lady on here yesterday feel its financial abuse if they don't?
The clue is in your question, the little word husband, a very important legal term.

If people don't want that there is no compulsion to get married. Being married is like being pregnant, there is no being a little bit married.

FelicisNox · 30/09/2020 20:59

Could you ask him: you've been hinting all year that you were going to buy me an ipad and you bought me a DVD and some chocolates, what's that about babe?

If he says: don't you like your presents? (insinuating you're ungrateful) just say: I love them, I was just expecting an ipad, what's the story?

There may be a logical explanation.

Then ask for one for Christmas. Grin

Mummytea24 · 30/09/2020 21:12

Be interesting to see what would happen if the husband bought an iPad out of her account of he felt he should have had one for his birthday

Happygogoat · 30/09/2020 22:09

@arethereanyleftatall

The iPad isn't the problem here op.

When people get married, they share.

Your finances aren't shared because he bought himself an iPad (without discussion?) last year; and you have to either discuss it or get one from your birthday.

I think you both need to change your mindset completely.

If he earns £10 and you earn £6 (for arguments sake) he's not being generous to 'buy for you' a £1 present. Put it in one pot, £8 each.

If you feel you couldn't broach this subject with him, why not?

This.

Why does "he" have "his" iPad anyway? Does he use it for work? If it's for games/pottering/Netflix and it's in your house then just both share it?

Failing that, suggest you need two in the house and say that you think this is a reasonable use of family finances. Go out, get iPad.... job done.

browneyes77 · 30/09/2020 22:12

Great news OP!

My DP told me he was thinking of buying me an iPad some years ago because I’d been lusting after one for ages.

I got excited that Xmas opening my present that was in a similar sized box! Only to find he’d actually bought me an electric toothbrush.....HmmGrin

Although he did buy me the iPad the following year because I hadn’t been able to afford one myself. And probably because he saw the look of disappointment in my face when I opened his last Xmas gift BlushGrin

Annasgirl · 30/09/2020 22:24

@Mummytea24

Be interesting to see what would happen if the husband bought an iPad out of her account of he felt he should have had one for his birthday
What is it with all the misogyny on MN. I really don’t understand the hatred some women have for women as a whole.
OkOkWhatsNext · 30/09/2020 23:04

Who even has a DVD player any more? *misses the point

blueberrypie0112 · 01/10/2020 02:11

@Mummytea24

Be interesting to see what would happen if the husband bought an iPad out of her account of he felt he should have had one for his birthday
Didn’t OP’s husband just do that to her? Took money out of their joint account and brought an iPad?
Angelina82 · 01/10/2020 02:56

All the while I was being presumptious and grabby in my heart Blush

Haha this made me smile. You weren’t at all though OP and I’m glad you will be getting your iPad after all. Smile

beachedwhales · 01/10/2020 02:59

@AlwaysCheddar

Buy one today? Ask him why he didn’t get you one?
What if the dh has got op one for Xmas ?
MobLife · 01/10/2020 03:13

@OkOkWhatsNext this is what I was thinking!
I'm really bemused by the whole DVD thing

Elsewyre · 01/10/2020 04:31

"You are an adult. Just tell him you need one now confused"

Yes because that sounds adult?

ittakes2 · 01/10/2020 06:07

He’s been hinting but you said yourself you haven’t responded. He prob thinks you don’t want one.
I actually thought the way you had written your thread was you were saying he’s been hinting but I haven’t responded because I don’t want one and he bought me one anyway. I was a bit surprised when I got to the end and realised the opposite was true and you were disappointed. I am guessing he thinks you don’t want one so raise it with him - Christmas is not far away.