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Original poster

to be disappointed he didn't buy me an ipad?

153 replies

chookbug · 29/09/2020 11:58

For months now, since the start of lockdown my husband has been dropping hints that he is going to buy me an ipad for my birthday. He bought a new one for himself last year and gave me his old one but it doesn't really work anymore as it is pre 2014 and so few apps work on it and the browser is crashing all the time. I didn't ask for a new ipad but he just kept hinting at how I needed a new and that I'd be wanting one for my birthday. I didn't ask for one or hint at it myself.

It was my birthday yesterday and he gave me a dvd and a book from my amazon list and some chocolate which is lovely but its a bit disappointing after him hinting at the ipad for so long. Our money situation is fine, and is unchanged although he earns a lot more than me so an ipad isn't a purchase I can easily make for myself.

I feel a bit petulant for being disappointed but it was unfair of him to drop hints. I asked everyone else for money so I could get an apple pencil even.

OP posts:
Syngin · 29/09/2020 13:18

This thread is really bothering me. I can’t believe you’re willing wait 3 more months for one when he could afford it now. It’s not grabby and materialistic to have the same technology as your husband.

BritWifeinUSA · 29/09/2020 13:19

@Theturquoisesloth but not everyone is on your financial situation. The OP has already said that money is not the issue. They have enough that this is something they could easily afford. Some of us have a large disposable income.

But the issue that the OP has is not the cost. It’s the fact that her husband bought himself an item just because he wanted one. Now she wants an item but for her it has to be either a birthday or Christmas gift or she has to discuss it with him before purchasing it for herself. And the fact that she is concerned that she looks too greedy or entitled to her husband for wanting it. That’s not a healthy partnership. It’s economic abuse. Irrelevant whether the item costs 2 of your mortgage payments or a few quid. It’s the principle that’s so out of order.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 29/09/2020 13:20

@chookbug

Ok, I will talk to him about it and if not now then will hopefully get it for christmas.
You're a grown adult, and the fact that you were expecting it as a gift means it must be affordable for you as a family - just tell him your old one is knackered and buy yourself one.
wibdib · 29/09/2020 13:21

I would make sure that you start borrowing his iPad a lot as yours doesn’t work any more, to share the misery. Then he won’t be surprised when you say that you need a new one and that taking a lead from him, you’ll be getting yourself a new one when they come out soon but in the mean time, you’ll just have to share.

Also make sure that you get the new one - I can see that he will think that he needs the new one and you can have his old one. Even if he tries it, and buys himself a new one, don’t accept his old one. If he says that you’re the one that’s spendthrift, nope, he is when he has a perfectly good one and doesn’t need a new one - whereas you do - why does he always have to get the best one? (Obviously hoping that I’m wrong!).

toconclude · 29/09/2020 13:22

@stayathomer

I find it odd that you can’t communicate with your DH. It's a birthday present, the fun is in the hunting and miscommunication!!
Some people have a very strange idea of 'fun' Confused
FortunesFave · 29/09/2020 13:25

I find this really hard to grasp. If HE could buy you an ipad then why isn't it something you can discuss with him and agree to buy from shared funds?

I can't imagine DH or I hoping the other would buy something we wanted like that. If I or DH needs something like a new phone or laptop, then we talk about whether it can be bought and if it can, then we get it!

On Birthdays and Christmas, we just get one another fun things...as adults, we can buy tech when we want/as long as it's realistic budget wise.

We're not rich and he generally earns more than me, but it's shared money!

Milliepossum · 29/09/2020 13:26

It’s not ok when he is able to just buy a new iPad unquestioned and he decides his hand me down is good enough for you. It’s also not ok that he taunted you about having your own leading up to your birthday but then decided you weren’t to have it by not buying it for you. This was not a misunderstanding about what you wanted for your birthday, it’s abusive and designed to make you feel that you’re not special or not good enough for what he has. I’m no surprised you feel disappointed.

rainingallspring · 29/09/2020 13:26

He sounds like a knob.

And you don't really share money do you. He buys what he likes and you hope he'll agree to you buying what you like.

rainingallspring · 29/09/2020 13:27

And I agree with @Milliepossum

If he could get one last year then so should you. Not just taking his broken hand me downs. He did this on purpose.

dottiedodah · 29/09/2020 13:28

I agree with others here .why do you have to put up with his old one FFS! Maybe look around for some good deals ATM ? Many people are short of cash right now so some good deals to be had! You are perfectly entitled to buy one for yourself you know!

SarahBellam · 29/09/2020 13:29

There’s a new one coming out in about 6 weeks. I wouldn’t buy you a new one now either. It would be silly to do it now.

Notcontent · 29/09/2020 13:30

@Syngin

This thread is really bothering me. I can’t believe you’re willing wait 3 more months for one when he could afford it now. It’s not grabby and materialistic to have the same technology as your husband.
This.

To me it feels like there is a bit of a power/money imbalance in the relationship, as the OP feels like she can’t just buy something expensive in the same way that her husband can. And hinting at an expensive present but then buying buying something cheap is really odd, unless your financial situation has changed.

In any case, if I was expecting an iPad, I would be really disappointed to receive a book and a dvd. (This is beside the point, but do people still buy DVDs??)

VeganCow · 29/09/2020 13:30

Just tell him you're buying the new one? Why do you have to discuss it, I wouldn't be discussing anything with anyone when Ive worked for it.

Nestme · 29/09/2020 13:31

this is so weird. if you need an ipad now just buy one yourself, if the faily finances allow it, why do you have to wait for it as a gift?

SarahBellam · 29/09/2020 13:31

No, wait, it came out last week. That’s doubly sucky of him then.

RoSEbuds6 · 29/09/2020 13:32

I would say "DH, is there anything still to come for my birthday, only you seemed to be hinting you would be getting me an ipad?"
A book and a DVD doesn't seem much though, do you have agreed budget for presents? We spend about £150 on each other, but that can change depending on if we have had any financial emergencies.
It seems a bit like you are hanging around from crumbs from his table.

If he says no then just buy one for yourself.

GreyBow · 29/09/2020 13:32

I ordered my teenager an iPad recently and it had a four week wait time. The same could have applied to your husband.

trouncedaast · 29/09/2020 13:35

Sorry but this thread remind of this...

to be disappointed he didn't buy me an ipad?
SoupDragon · 29/09/2020 13:36

@SarahBellam

No, wait, it came out last week. That’s doubly sucky of him then.
No, it was announced on Sept 16th and will be available from "October".
katy1213 · 29/09/2020 13:39

He can buy an iPad for himself but you can't spend that much without discussing it with him? Bugger that!

Redcups64 · 29/09/2020 13:41

When he asked what you wanted why didint you say a iPad?

As you didint ask maybe he thought you didint want one as he dropped hints but you still didint mention it.

Mind games are for kids, act like a adult

MissConductUS · 29/09/2020 13:43

In fairness to him he wants to get me one because I’ve been wanting a Fitbit and the app isn’t very accessible (I use a screenreader), so has said I could wear it on my other hand, but I still think it’s a colossal amount of money for something I will barely use.

I had a Fitbit, liked it mostly, and then got an Apple Watch. I adore the Apple watch and use it all the time. A quick peek and I have the time, outside temp, weather, activity levels for the day, etc. It's one of those things that once you have it you wonder how you ever got along without it. The Fitbit was quite limited, slow and buggy by comparison.

OP, do wait a month. When the new iPads come out they'll cut prices on the current ones.

VintageStitchers · 29/09/2020 13:43

Can you just buy yourself one as a birthday present to yourself?

I’m a SAHP but I bought myself a new iPad Pro for Christmas a couple of years back and DH paid the credit card bill, because it’s family money.

I would never stay with someone who didn’t believe in 50/50 division of spending money. The idea that because one party earns more they get to spend more on themselves, I find weird and grabby.

WeAllHaveWings · 29/09/2020 13:45

he earns a lot more than me so an ipad isn't a purchase I can easily make for myself.

^ this is wrong, all money should be family money

We do share money but I couldn't spend this myself without discussing it with him.

^ this is ok as long as it is a discussion and not asking for permission and if he wants to make any purchase he discusses with you too and you both get equal say.

Why did he get the nice new one and you the ancient temperamental reject, surely you should have had the newest one first? Think about that. You, as a couple, can afford it and you want one, so discuss it and get it ordered!

Original poster
chookbug · 29/09/2020 13:59

Okay, we discussed it at lunch and there is now an order in for the new ipad air and a 2nd gen apple pencil! So should hopefully get it next month sometime :)

OP posts: