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Original poster

to be disappointed he didn't buy me an ipad?

153 replies

chookbug · 29/09/2020 11:58

For months now, since the start of lockdown my husband has been dropping hints that he is going to buy me an ipad for my birthday. He bought a new one for himself last year and gave me his old one but it doesn't really work anymore as it is pre 2014 and so few apps work on it and the browser is crashing all the time. I didn't ask for a new ipad but he just kept hinting at how I needed a new and that I'd be wanting one for my birthday. I didn't ask for one or hint at it myself.

It was my birthday yesterday and he gave me a dvd and a book from my amazon list and some chocolate which is lovely but its a bit disappointing after him hinting at the ipad for so long. Our money situation is fine, and is unchanged although he earns a lot more than me so an ipad isn't a purchase I can easily make for myself.

I feel a bit petulant for being disappointed but it was unfair of him to drop hints. I asked everyone else for money so I could get an apple pencil even.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 29/09/2020 12:54

Hinting!!

Pinkdelight3 · 29/09/2020 12:55

Other people's marriages baffle me sometimes. He's your husband. Why on earth are you curating how you come across to him in case he thinks you're grabby and presumptuous? Surely you know each other well enough by now?? What is this role you're playing? And why on earth can't you have an iPad when you want one if there's enough money for it? Just be yourself and act like an equal partner in the relationship.

Theturquoisesloth · 29/09/2020 12:55

I think he might get you one for Christmas. Christmas has always been for bigger things in our house.

Also I'm amazed by the amount of people who say just buy one when you want one. You must all have a much bigger disposable income than me, an iPad would be equal to my mortgage payment give or take and while we have savings to cover things like new white goods or other large essentials that could easily buy one and iPad is very much an unnecessary treat, especially if there is already one in the house. It would certainly be a present in our house despite the fact all our money is shared in a joint account.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 29/09/2020 12:55

We do share money but I couldn't spend this myself without discussing it with him. It would have been lovely to get it as a gift

Why? I think a conversation along the lines of "there is a new iPad coming out in October - you have one and I want one, so let's make sure that funds are available" is appropriate.

AlternativePerspective · 29/09/2020 12:56

I was in the same boat except - I was the partner wanting to buy a new iphone for them this August. There isn’t a new iPhone out this time though is there? They brought out the SE and it was always said that there wouldn’t be another bigger model yet.

LannieDuck · 29/09/2020 12:56

Did he discuss it with you when he bought himself one?

Wait until you see one on a good deal, and buy it. If he questions it, you can say you thought he was getting you one for your birthday, but he didn’t so you’ve bought it for yourself... just like he did.

Havaiana · 29/09/2020 12:57

He was a knob for hinting and not following through

Why can't you just ask him why he hinted he would get you one?

This would make me want to get my own iPad but re-assess what he's like. Are you kinder / nicer / more generous to him in general?

AnnaMagnani · 29/09/2020 12:57

You don't need an iPad as a gift though do you, you just need a new iPad as yours is barely useable.

If you have shared finances but he has more stuff than you because you are just politer about things and have a hang up that he earns more money, then that's on you. You are married, you work as a team, both of your contributions are equally valuable.

You need to speak up and say what you need, because it is broken, vs what you would like as a gift. Do you think he would have put up with a crappy iPad for this long that was crashing every 10 minutes?

Havaiana · 29/09/2020 12:58

We do share money but I couldn't spend this myself without discussing it with him. It would have been lovely to get it as a gift

So he got a shiny new iPad with joint money and you got his old one that barely works? KNOB.

Theturquoisesloth · 29/09/2020 12:58

Wow just looked how much they are, I have to adjust my previous comments- some of them are more than twice my mortgage payment, definitely a Christmas and birthday present for 2 years. Definitely not a just get it because you want it thing.

I hope you get one though OP.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/09/2020 12:59

The iPad isn't the problem here op.

When people get married, they share.

Your finances aren't shared because he bought himself an iPad (without discussion?) last year; and you have to either discuss it or get one from your birthday.

I think you both need to change your mindset completely.

If he earns £10 and you earn £6 (for arguments sake) he's not being generous to 'buy for you' a £1 present. Put it in one pot, £8 each.

If you feel you couldn't broach this subject with him, why not?

OohThatCat · 29/09/2020 12:59

There's new devices coming out soon - he might either be waiting for them to be released to get you the newest one, or for the price to lower on the latest one before the newest one, which I think they do once a newer model is out.

PurpleWave · 29/09/2020 12:59

Unless there's a reason such as him being controlling, just tell him you want an iPad now. Surely there's no reason to wait until Xmas, you're an adult.

Eckhart · 29/09/2020 13:00

He asked you what you wanted, you didn't tell him, and now you're disappointed that you didn't get what you wanted? Poor bloke.

AlternativePerspective · 29/09/2020 13:01

Good God people do seriously over analyse don’t they?

Saying that it’s a lack of communication? Suggesting the OP leave? The OP is just saying she felt a bit bratty for not getting the iPad she thought she was going to get, but as usual people assume she must have marital problems... Hmm

I would bet money that if a poster posted here that their partner had expressed disappointment at not getting the present he thought he was going to get the responses would be that he was the unreasonable one...

LindaEllen · 29/09/2020 13:04

Tbh if he kept hinting he might have been testing the water to see if you'd really want one .. and if you didn't seem that bothered he probably thought there was no point. An iPad is an expensive thing to buy for someone who didn't seem that fussed about whether they actually wanted one or not.

BarbaraofSeville · 29/09/2020 13:05

But not everyone spends a lot on Christmas and birthday presents for adults, freeing up money to spend at other times of year.

It really doesn't make any sense to decide that you want/need something and then have to go through a charade of hinting about receiving it for a birthday or Christmas only to wait and it doesn't happen.

The OP says they have spare money, she could just buy it. Once she has her ipad, she'd probably be perfectly happy with a chocolate orange for Christmas.

I have no idea how much an ipad is, and it probably is more than my mortgage, as that is very small. But if I wanted one, I'd rather have the choice to choose the exact variant myself, and buy it out of my personal spending money when I can afford it rather than try to telepathically persuade DP that I wanted it for Christmas and for him to act on it.

vanillandhoney · 29/09/2020 13:05

It's totally not right that he can buy himself a new iPad, but you have to discuss it with him first. Either you both have to discuss new purchases, or neither of you do, otherwise it's hugely unfair.

If you want one, buy one. But wait until the new one comes out and get that Grin

Regularsizedrudy · 29/09/2020 13:06

2 possible solutions

  • buy an iPad
  • ask him to buy you an iPad
RedskyAtnight · 29/09/2020 13:07

Maybe he was hinting to see if you were interested in a new iPad, and when you didn't seem that enthusiastic, assumed you didn't want one?

Just communicate directly. Hint dropping is prone to misunderstandings.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/09/2020 13:07

@AlternativePerspective
I don't think people are overanalysing so much, but simply reading between the lines.

SoupDragon · 29/09/2020 13:15

but simply reading between the lines.

Also known as "making shit up"

toconclude · 29/09/2020 13:17

All this 'dropping hints' malarkey gets on my wick. Just ask ffs.

doodleygirl · 29/09/2020 13:18

I really don’t understand why so many adult woman are happy to be a second class citizen within their relationship. If your husband is able to make a purchase of something why on earth do you have to hint, cajole or be the recipient of a hand me down?

Unless there is a huge back story where you have run up huge debt this is just wrong.you should not need to act this way.

user1487194234 · 29/09/2020 13:18

TBH my DH wouldn't buy me an I pad because it would be used for work so not the sort of personal thing he would buy me . If I need /want a new tech I just buy it.
I think you could discuss it with him,but not ask his permission