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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be disappointed he didn't buy me an ipad?

153 replies

chookbug · 29/09/2020 11:58

For months now, since the start of lockdown my husband has been dropping hints that he is going to buy me an ipad for my birthday. He bought a new one for himself last year and gave me his old one but it doesn't really work anymore as it is pre 2014 and so few apps work on it and the browser is crashing all the time. I didn't ask for a new ipad but he just kept hinting at how I needed a new and that I'd be wanting one for my birthday. I didn't ask for one or hint at it myself.

It was my birthday yesterday and he gave me a dvd and a book from my amazon list and some chocolate which is lovely but its a bit disappointing after him hinting at the ipad for so long. Our money situation is fine, and is unchanged although he earns a lot more than me so an ipad isn't a purchase I can easily make for myself.

I feel a bit petulant for being disappointed but it was unfair of him to drop hints. I asked everyone else for money so I could get an apple pencil even.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 29/09/2020 12:25

And sort out the money situation as I hate men who think they are the boss of their wives.

combatbarbie · 29/09/2020 12:25

So he bought himself one but you hope to get one as a gift? Can you see how unbalanced this is?

Hopeisnotastrategy · 29/09/2020 12:26

Don't wait till Christmas OP, sit down, talk to him and get it now.You'll be glad you did this autumn.

Zaphodsotherhead · 29/09/2020 12:28

I suspect he intends to buy you the new one for Christmas.

This is the problem with birthdays that come at this end of the year and before new items release for the Christmas wave - you either get the back end of the old stock, or you have to wait!

DottyFlossie · 29/09/2020 12:28

I would just buy one.

Lazt · 29/09/2020 12:30

Why does he get to have one and you don’t. Just get it!

justasking111 · 29/09/2020 12:33

Well ask him for the money be honest say I would have liked an ipad but will get it myself so give me the money

Ninkanink · 29/09/2020 12:35

Why on earth should you wait til Christmas??

He has a new iPad, yours doesn’t work properly, tell him that you need/want one and then buy it! If that’s not okay to do then your money is not shared and you are not in a good situation.

It is not ‘grabby and presumptuous’ to expect to be be treated as an equal.

Florencex · 29/09/2020 12:36

I don’t understand why he kept dropping hints. But I have put YABU as I also don’t understand why you don’t just buy one yourself or clearly tell him to buy it or why as one half of a married couple he can more easily make a larger purchase than you. I also think an adult asking people for money for their birthday is cringey.

MJMG2015 · 29/09/2020 12:37

It is not grabby & materialistic to want working technology in 2020.

Nor is it right he could go & buy one for himself, but you can't do the same.

Original poster
chookbug · 29/09/2020 12:39

@Florencex It was my Mum (who isn't poor my any means) and my brother who gave me the money. It suited them as they didn't know what to give me anyway and wanted to get me something, so not cringey.

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 29/09/2020 12:39

Mind you, given that there’s a new one coming out I suppose you could wait and get that one. But don’t ask/hint/hope, just inform him that you would like one, and that you intend to buy one.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 29/09/2020 12:40

Just say to him today...Hey, when's my new Ipad being delivered? If he looks confused remind him that he has been dangling one for the past few months so obviously you thought you were going to get one for your birthday

BritWifeinUSA · 29/09/2020 12:43

So, he can buy himself an iPad without discussing with you and without it being a birthday or Christmas gift but you have to either wait for your birthday or Christmas for him to allow you to have one or you have to discuss it with him first before being allowed to buy one. You are married. The money belongs to both of you. This is economic abuse - why on earth are you even tolerating it? You have much bigger issues than a 2014 iPad that crashes.

whiteroseredrose · 29/09/2020 12:44

There is a new iPad Air coming out in October. DS reckons it is as good as a Pro but for a lot less money. He might be waiting for that.

Viviennemary · 29/09/2020 12:44

I don't think it works if one person in a partnership has a lot more money for themselves. I'd leave and find somebody less selfish and greedy.,

HandsDownRoundTheTown · 29/09/2020 12:47

Just say to him today...Hey, when's my new Ipad being delivered?

Don’t do this.

Say “I’m going to get a new iPad. Mine is broken.”

He has chance to respond... (I love the posters who all think he’s hanging out to get you a new model at Christmas but I’m more sceptical - sorry).

If he’s a decent person he’ll say “ok, great”. (He might just say “nooooo, I’m getting you one for Christmas”)

You buy iPad.

AlternativePerspective · 29/09/2020 12:48

Check out this product from the Apple Store:

store.apple.com/uk/xc/ipad_2020
If it were me and I’d wanted to buy DP an iPad I would wait until this new one comes out, October if I remember rightly.

I can’t remember when the apple event was when they announced all this new tech, but is it possible he watched that and then started dropping the hints after that as that was what he had in mind?

I wouldn’t necessarily call him out on it, but I would say “so, I’m getting the new iPad for Christmas then? Given it comes out next month and all....”

My DP has been strongly hinting at getting me an Apple Watch for Christmas. I’ve made it pretty clear that I have no desire to own one, I have an analogue watch and I’m perfectly happy with that. In fairness to him he wants to get me one because I’ve been wanting a Fitbit and the app isn’t very accessible (I use a screenreader), so has said I could wear it on my other hand, but I still think it’s a colossal amount of money for something I will barely use.

BarbaraofSeville · 29/09/2020 12:48

Yeah, thinking about it, right now is probably a bad time to buy one if there's a new one coming out.

Also you might get a good Black Friday offer. I was kicking myself one year when I bought a new mattress in September/October, only to see the exact same one with a couple of hundred pounds off a few weeks later. I now keep this in mind when I'm thinking of making major, but non urgent purchases at this time of year.

Mydogmylife · 29/09/2020 12:49

I don't think it's grabby to look forward to receiving a much hinted about gift, that is replacing an old piece of tech that is no longer functioning properly. Just ask him!

BabyItsAWildWorld · 29/09/2020 12:51

Why can he buy himself an ipad, but you can't buy yourself one?

DragonPie · 29/09/2020 12:51

I find it odd that you can’t communicate with your DH.

Did he discuss him buying a new iPad first with you?

stayathomer · 29/09/2020 12:52

We went about 5 years without doing presents and then got a tax thingy just before my birthday. I made loads of 'there's my laptop sorted' type jokes. He got me an ipad. Three years later and I'm still faking excitement about it (sorry!!) But he definitely knowsGrin

alwayslearning789 · 29/09/2020 12:53

I was in the same boat except - I was the partner wanting to buy a new iphone for them this August.

I am definitely waiting until the new one comes out as it has been delayed due to Covid - there will be more choice with both the Models and the Prices.

I suspect that is what has happened in your case, please do not despair yet:)

stayathomer · 29/09/2020 12:53

I find it odd that you can’t communicate with your DH.
It's a birthday present, the fun is in the hunting and miscommunication!!