To think why this is one of the reasons we have an obesity problem.

[Delamalama]

Friend on facebook has put about 2 stone on this past year. She posted a selfie the other day with a statement saying how she's finally learning to love herself, she may not be perfect but it's her body and she loves it!!! She's on the verge of being obese and suffers with chronic backache. Of course she had comments saying 'looking good hun' 'you beauty!' Etc.

I've noticed quite a lot of younger ones doing this 'be fat and proud' crap.

Am I wrong to think that this along with many other things is why we have an obesity problem.

she's finally learning to love herself, she may not be perfect but it's her body and she loves it!!!

The alternative being that she hate herself, be ashamed of herself, despise her body....why would you want that for a friend?

I'm sure she knows the health impacts but I don't think self-loathing helps anyone work to improve things.

I agree with you OP. You can be fat and beautiful but you won't be healthy. We have altered our perception of normal over the years. When I go to Asia I feel obese but I am an average size in the UK. I should say I am obese and slowly losing weight.

Jeez, just leave her alone. She knows she's overweight. What's wrong with her having some pride in herself anyway. You seem like a horrible friend. Why don't you post your op on her thread, or the link to the thread here, so she can see what you really think.

@Delamalama

I'm not her friend in real life but have known her for years. My point about the likes and comments is that people were almost validating that 'yes you look great now you're fatter' which then surely makes it ok for people pile on the weight?

When I was obese I was just told "you have a pretty face" that's if they weren't telling me "gosh, you're a big lass"

So what? You're pissy because you can't return the favour and make this woman feel like you felt back then?

SchroedingersImmigrant, I don't disagree with you but a forum like this doesn't really give rise to discussion because, let's face it, it's a bun fight every time.

There are sometimes some really good threads about diets on Mumsnet and I've picked up useful tips that I've carried on into habits for myself. Invaluable! It seems to just be threads about anything where a woman is parading about, well, anything - she needs to be slapped down, quick-snap!

My comment about ignoring posts was on media like facebook where people post for 'likes' and so on. I just wouldn't comment.

I don't think this is why we're fat. We're fat because we were purposefully hooked on sugar and snacking, driven by big business. This is a coping mechanism.

I think you stood out years ago being overweight but now it’s more common you lose sight of what’s normal.

There are some meds and conditions that make it very hard to lose weight though & that’s tough because people assume your mainlining mars bars all day.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe oh yeah, I am quite with you!

@Spiderbaby8

Oddly enough, same friend put a selfie on earlier in the year saying she'd lost half a stone and was looking forward to losing the rest. Nowhere near as many comments or likes as there was for the fat and proud post.

When lost weight everyone made loads of comments, losing weight is very much celebrated!

If fat shaming worked everyone would be slim. It's not exactly easy being fat in this society. When I was big I would have strangers shouting insults, bullying, constant digs, insinuations I must be easy and would accept anyone, it was pretty relentless.

I also think if people genuinely are interested in the health of others then helping people feel good about themselves is a big incentive. The only time I lost weight was when I was in a happy place. Depressed, anxious, low self esteem is not a good starting point for having a good diet and exercise regime.

No, when she put the lost weight post she didn't get nearly as many likes or comments.

As someone who has had a problem with my weight for years I can see both sides of this. When I say weight is a 'problem' it really is. The attitude that overweight people are somehow lesser human beings is deplorable and unjust. It results in deep unhappiness which can make the problem worse. However, if 'loving yourself' means not shedding excess weight or even putting on more that is equally unhealthy. I have type 2 diabetes which puts me in the danger zone if I contract Covid. It's a result of being overweight at various times in my life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Love yourself enough to shed the excess pounds is what I'd recommend. I'd also add that all the mixed messages in the media are not helpful. The Observer magazine recently had an extremely overweight woman on its front page and an article about how she'd finally learned to 'love her body'. Elsewhere, in the same newspaper, was an article that said being obese made you 45% more likely to die of Covid. They didn't print the e mail I sent pointing out the mixed message they were sending.

@Igotthemheavyboobs 😂😂😂

Totally agree OP.

And if the FB friend has posted publicly about her body it is totally reasonable to think about her issues.

It isn't healthy like others I don't think flattery on FB is the cause of the obesity epidemic. There is so much to choose from lots of convenient takeaways and like anything scrumptious you want more.
I am lucky as don't have a big appetite some people get proper hangry. I think it creeps up on people they don't realise their waist is expanding if others around them are big too.

@randomer. If I put on 2 stone I'd be very fat. This is the problem. People don't think 2 stone is much but it is. Fat shaming is not right of course bit neither is normalizing being overweight.

Being fat is like having a messy house. Like you have to start every introduction with an apology. "I'm sorry about the mess the hoover broke/ the washing machine exploded/ I've been working over time." "I know I've put loads of weight it's hard to lose because of my health problem/ my medication/ the lockdown." I don't owe you a show home and a perfect body. I don't owe anyone shit, my home, my Body, my life, not a fucking apology

I think everyone deserves to be given compliments whatever their size. If you post a selfie, it maybe because you want a boost from your friends and why not. I don't think this promotes obesity at all.

@BoudiccasBoudoir

Being fat is like having a messy house. Like you have to start every introduction with an apology. "I'm sorry about the mess the hoover broke/ the washing machine exploded/ I've been working over time." "I know I've put loads of weight it's hard to lose because of my health problem/ my medication/ the lockdown." I don't owe you a show home and a perfect body. I don't owe anyone shit, my home, my Body, my life, not a fucking apology

I think you're awesome

I lost 4 stones and looked awful despite being a healthy weight, I was miserable and hated how I looked. I've put a stone and a half back on, am now classed as overweight but I feel and look a whole lot better and feel more confident in myself. There's more to looking good than being thin, which may account for why the thinner version of your friend got less positive comments than the bigger one.

@Notimeforaname

Obviously if no underlying health issues or medication/depression is causing the weight and it's just from lack of healthy eating and laziness ...then yes I think it's a bad idea to to normalise obesity.

And looking at me in the street, how exactly do you propose to know the difference?

I remember being on a booze cruise with my make pals. I was in a group of say 15. Being the only female. (Never has any relationship with any of them. Pure friends) we were about 18.

I remember. Seeing this girl. Very large girl. But stunning. I remember it was the first time I'd seen a woman who just had a confidence that just shone from her. I mean this woman knew she was big. But she didn't care. I remember myself being blowed away by her confidence.

The guys flocked to her. I mean they all literally were falling apart at the seams just to be near her.

Although we aren't talking about that. My point is that confidence. Whatever size can be done.

It's not the size. It's the conscience. Whilst being obese isn't a good thing. Surely as long as we are happy. Who cares?

What a bloody awful thread.

@Happyheartlovelife

I remember being on a booze cruise with my make pals. I was in a group of say 15. Being the only female. (Never has any relationship with any of them. Pure friends) we were about 18.

I remember. Seeing this girl. Very large girl. But stunning. I remember it was the first time I'd seen a woman who just had a confidence that just shone from her. I mean this woman knew she was big. But she didn't care. I remember myself being blowed away by her confidence.

The guys flocked to her. I mean they all literally were falling apart at the seams just to be near her.

Although we aren't talking about that. My point is that confidence. Whatever size can be done.

It's not the size. It's the conscience. Whilst being obese isn't a good thing. Surely as long as we are happy. Who cares?

Mumsnetters

Whenever I see posts like these on social media, my first thought is usually ‘don’t try to make yourself look like a bigger idiot than you already are!’.

I think it's an important discussion too. I agree that it's a very personal subject and will bring out a lot of defensiveness.

My weight goes up and down like a slow yoyo. I'm much happier when i'm slimmer. When i'm bigger and DH says ''i love you whatever shape you are' i'm torn between thinking ''bless you'' because it's lovely of him, and ''oh don't bloody say that!'' because a) I don't love me whatever shape i am and that's what really matters, and b) that isn't helping my motivation to lose it!