To think why this is one of the reasons we have an obesity problem.

[Delamalama]

Friend on facebook has put about 2 stone on this past year. She posted a selfie the other day with a statement saying how she's finally learning to love herself, she may not be perfect but it's her body and she loves it!!! She's on the verge of being obese and suffers with chronic backache. Of course she had comments saying 'looking good hun' 'you beauty!' Etc.

I've noticed quite a lot of younger ones doing this 'be fat and proud' crap.

Am I wrong to think that this along with many other things is why we have an obesity problem.

It looks to me like conflating 2 different things, your friend saying she's learning to love herself is not the same as "fat and proud" and never wanting to change. I have issues with certain aspects of the "heath at every size" movement, but learning to love the body you are in can lead to making better choices, moving more etc. People who beat themselves up, go on dangerous diets, have zero self esteem, bad mental health are not in a better position than a bigger person who is working to love their body.

Tell her she's a fat mess then OP. I'm sure that'll inspire her to lose weight 👍

Saying you are 'finally learning to love yourself' and you 'love your body' is somebody saying they feel they are finally ready to take care of their body because they are somebody worth valuing.

It's not about loving the fat - imagine anybody in this day and age feeling able to say that, you just have to see some of the bitchy and holier-than-thou comment on here to know that's impossible. It is the first step towards understanding that you are worth looking after. It doesn't mean it will work because self esteem once lost is so difficult to get back or get at all. It's the same mechanism as drinking too much or smoking or taking drugs but because those things don't make you look bad in a dress or stop men wanting to fuck you people are not so disgusted by it.

So actually, no, I think you're completely wrong to think that people loving themselves is the reason we have an obesity problem in this country. It is actually exactly the opposite.

If you want to be supportive, and I don't believe you do, you could say something like 'you are wonderful'. You don't have to say you love her body. But then what you think is not the point here.

It's very difficult to find trousers for young boys and girls, the waist sizes are HUGE. Ask most parents and it's just true.

It's ridiculous, we normalise being overweight for children. Obviously manufacturers need to offer sizes that fit, but the standard should be much smaller. Less large children do need to wear clothes too.

I’m overweight. Am I supposed to hate myself?!

SchroedingersImmigrant, No, neither BMI need applause... but by the same token, do they warrant public delectation and comment?

I personally would ignore posts from either on the subject. What I think can stay quite happily in my head and not be blurted out in public.

Being fat is grossly unhealthy. Flab feels unpleasant, plus even being half a stone overweight puts stress on joints.
I watched a film of London street scenes from 1960s - everyone was so slim- we have become a nation of fatties, and no matter how people try to put a positive spin on fatness, being a healthy weight is better.- I need to lose a stone, and detest my podgy middle.
Size 14.

Get a grip

For many people, they are fat because they don’t like themselves. Anyway - it’s irrelevant. People should be able to love themselves at any size without being judged for it.

Your attitude stinks OP

@TillyTheTiger

There are many reasons why someone might be overweight. Body acceptance and a refusal to believe that weight = worth is NOT one of them.

Agree totally with this!

@Delamalama

As I said earlier i was obese myself many years ago so I know how hard it is to lose weight and how horrible it is to be looked at and treated like shit because you're fat.

Oddly enough, same friend put a selfie on earlier in the year saying she'd lost half a stone and was looking forward to losing the rest. Nowhere near as many comments or likes as there was for the fat and proud post.

You are no friend to this woman.

She clearly has issues with her weight, and self-esteem, flipping between trying to lose it then trying to gain some level of love for herself and body.

Just delete her, stop judging how many comments on different posts she has and opening up bitchy threads about her on MN.

If you are told average clothes sizes (after vanity sizing!) are 14-16, you feel fine wearing a 16. The fact is, wearing a 14 or 16 of today's sizes means you ARE overweight. Pretending you are not means people don't wake up or make the effort to go back to an healthy weight.

Agreed. I am a 14-16 size and am trying to lose weight (lost about half a stone so far but I have to lose about 2-3st overall). I don't look so bad because I am tall, but I'm still overweight. I'm still unhealthy, I'm still putting unnecessary pressure on my joints and organs. I'm not fit and healthy.

Just because I am in the average size does not mean I am healthy. The average size used to be 10-12. Its crept up in recent years. Realistically I think my hips are actually too wide to go down past a 14 anyway even once I lose more weight, but I'll have less fat in other places like my stomach and legs.

Surely being overweight can never be a good thing, health wise?

You definitely don't need to hate yourself for beng overweight but wanting to make healthier choices and take responsibility for your health is a positive, for now and later on down the line.

To me, if you are obese for non health related reasons it’s the same as smoking. Bad habits that will result in illness and premature death. It’s nothing to be proud about and quite frankly if so many obese people are apparently ‘ashamed’ of it then do something a bloody bout it. The truth of the matter is get off your arse and set your mind to eating right and moving more. It hard of course- I’ve lost 4 stone myself in the past through blood sweat and tears. But so many people need to wake up. It’s everyone’s business because with 65% of the population overweight or obese this is a health crises for now and the future! It will affect all of us and even more so our children.
Being obese is not normal. Contrary to what previous posters are saying about ‘do you think they don’t know that’ NO, I don’t think many people do! Or if they do they don’t care. My own father is one. Tried to talk to him but he insists he is fine, nothing wrong and no reason to change. He is clearly obese. I am going to lose him before his time.
Every year in the UK obesity is being seen as more and more the norm. So many overweight kids I want to cry sometimes. For the vast vast majority it’s completely avoidable, they can turn it around but the more normal it is seen, the less people will try to do so

@Laiste

I'm so on the fence here i've got splinters up my arse!

I don't think anyone gets fat because they feel more beautiful fat.

I don't think fat shaming helps anyone lose weight.

BUT - i think there might be a point at which a person who might otherwise try and lose a bit of weight will look for reasons not to bother. ie: seeking out 'you're gorgeous as you are' comments.

I agree with this, Laiste, and I think that possibly not making the 'you're gorgous as you are' comments would help as they don't achieve anything useful.

I also think that fat-shaming achieves nothing useful. It makes people band together perhaps to defy the fat-shamers/name-callers with a barrage of overt and excessive positivity. What is it that we actually want to achieve?

SantaClaritaDiet, that is on the manufacturers of the clothing. If there are normal weight/height children in the vast majority then surely there are the clothes to fit them? Are we saying that most children are now overweight/obese, hence the prevalence of large clothes to fit them? Leaving scant smaller size clothes available? I don't really understand how this can be so although I appreciate that it does happen as I see threads about it.

How vile some people are. A regular sized person who gains 2 stone is not obese and so what if she is?

I don't think fat people should hate themselves, but I do think they should hate their fat

What on earth???

Obviously being vastly overweight isn’t good for someone but the way some treat overweight people is disgusting, they haven’t murdered or committed a crime yet the name calling/ bullying in public and on social media is socially acceptable for some reason. Overweight or not why shouldn’t someone like themselves.

If someone is overweight they KNOW, they see it every time they look in the mirror. Jane pointing it out on social media isn't going to make Sarah diet, it’s just going to make Sarah feel shit and shows Jane for the spiteful woman she is.

I’m size 8-10, I just don’t think that “fat acceptance causes obesity” is either true or some sort of edgy, minority opinion. There have been hundreds of threads with thousands of posters saying the same thing. It’s completely mainstream.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

SchroedingersImmigrant, No, neither BMI need applause... but by the same token, do they warrant public delectation and comment?

I personally would ignore posts from either on the subject. What I think can stay quite happily in my head and not be blurted out in public.

I think obesity and being underweight should be discussed normally, though obviously not under someone's picture! I wouldn't comment on it there. Problem with any discussion is that as it is a person's body it becomes personal even if it isn't about them and then it leads to knee jerk reactions like in here.

I'm not her friend in real life but have known her for years. My point about the likes and comments is that people were almost validating that 'yes you look great now you're fatter' which then surely makes it ok for people pile on the weight?

When I was obese I was just told "you have a pretty face" that's if they weren't telling me "gosh, you're a big lass"

I read the OPs post as saying, people who have weight on, when there is no health reason for it are saying publicly (such as on SM) they accept themselves and love who they are as a reason to make themselves feel better and tell others they are happy.
By saying there is a problem, acknowledging it publicly, that it somewhat makes the person not need to consider a lifestyle change to lose weight because people told them they look great, regardless.
Op is not fat shaming.
I have also noticed people are normalising their weight, seeking approval, then not doing anything about it.

I suffered pregnancy damage and after my DS was born I physically let myself go and was very overweight. In part because I was tired and liked eating crap and in part because of stupid memes that told me to love myself. Love my tiger stripes, etc. It wasn't that I let myself go because those memes made me love myself. It was very much the opposite. They made me feel really, really fucking hopeless. I was a mother, I was meant to be physically damaged and probably overweight and that was just how it was. I should accept that and learn to love my damaged, imperfect body.

Thankfully at some point I copped on to myself because I realised that I was impacting not just my health but my day to day ability to do normal things. I stopped giving up on myself, took control, stopped eating so very badly, started exercising more. It didn't take that long to lose the weight and I became extremely physically fit. The aesthetic pregnancy damage is surprisingly far less obvious on my body now and the physical pain has gone completely.

Funnily enough almost nobody ever commented negatively when I was overweight/obese. But I get lots and lots of negative comments about my body now. I've been told I'm too thin, pushed to eat food I don't really want and/or get approving comments when I do eat. And it's ridiculous because I'm quite muscular, so clearly I eat. I also get told occasionally that I look like a man/need to be careful that I don't end up looking like a man, which is again ridiculous as I have a very hourglass figure. I regularly hear how unattractive it is to be able to see a woman's ribs or collarbone, despite that actually being the norm and a healthy weight.

I have friends who have essentially decided that it would be unhealthy to try and lose weight. That it was toxic to want to get to what is a physically more healthy state. Whereas, it would be far better for their mental and physical health to help people detach from the idea of their self worth being tied to their aesthetic. While also helping them to get their bodies to the healthiest state possible.

YABU. You don’t have to hate yourself to inspire change

Contrary to what previous posters are saying about ‘do you think they don’t know that’ NO, I don’t think many people do! Or if they do they don’t care.
Yup. Denial pit is deeeeeeep.

... "No, I haven't put on more weight. I am just buying bigger size so it's bit airy"...
... "Absolutely impossible I weight that much! It's obviously broken. That shows like 30kg more than what I weight"...
-me

There genuinely are people who don't know how bad their situation is.

Other people's body size is so important to you, OP? Why is that? And you sound full of hate. You hate people who don't fit your idea of the right shape and size? Have you got nasty-woman disease? Can't breathe unless you're sharing spite with the world? Go for a run, hun. You'll feel better.

Oddly enough, same friend put a selfie on earlier in the year saying she'd lost half a stone and was looking forward to losing the rest. Nowhere near as many comments or likes as there was for the fat and proud post.

When lost weight everyone made loads of comments, losing weight is very much celebrated!

If fat shaming worked everyone would be slim. It's not exactly easy being fat in this society. When I was big I would have strangers shouting insults, bullying, constant digs, insinuations I must be easy and would accept anyone, it was pretty relentless.

I also think if people genuinely are interested in the health of others then helping people feel good about themselves is a big incentive. The only time I lost weight was when I was in a happy place. Depressed, anxious, low self esteem is not a good starting point for having a good diet and exercise regime.