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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think why this is one of the reasons we have an obesity problem.

665 replies

Delamalama · 27/09/2020 16:37

Friend on facebook has put about 2 stone on this past year. She posted a selfie the other day with a statement saying how she's finally learning to love herself, she may not be perfect but it's her body and she loves it!!! She's on the verge of being obese and suffers with chronic backache. Of course she had comments saying 'looking good hun' 'you beauty!' Etc.

I've noticed quite a lot of younger ones doing this 'be fat and proud' crap.

Am I wrong to think that this along with many other things is why we have an obesity problem.

OP posts:
Delamalama · 27/09/2020 17:51

I wouldn't and have never fat shamed anyone. A friend the other day was saying how her daughter has piled weight on and how she was going to have a right go at her and get it under control. I said, please don't, it will make her feel a lot worse (I know from experience)

I'm not a horrible person. My original post was a genuine question and not put to drag anyone down.

OP posts:
BoudiccasBoudoir · 27/09/2020 17:51

@Igotthemheavyboobs

Thanks Smile

Totickleamockingbird · 27/09/2020 17:52

Whilst being obese isn't a good thing. Surely as long as we are happy.Who cares?
NHS does. Do you know the cost of obesity and drinking that NHS is burdened with? Quite a few of our so-called celebrities are so obviously over-weight, if not downright obese.

Time2change2 · 27/09/2020 17:52

@Happyheartlovelife their kids and loved ones will care. We will all care in 20-30 years unfortunately.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 27/09/2020 17:53

@Delamalama

I wouldn't and have never fat shamed anyone. A friend the other day was saying how her daughter has piled weight on and how she was going to have a right go at her and get it under control. I said, please don't, it will make her feel a lot worse (I know from experience)

I'm not a horrible person. My original post was a genuine question and not put to drag anyone down.

Apart from the woman who dare announce she is trying to love herself and other people showing some kindness and validation that should do.

But hey, she won't ever know about this thread and she isn't actually your friend so fuck her eh?

Happyheartlovelife · 27/09/2020 17:54

@Igotthemheavyboobs

Amen!

Graphista · 27/09/2020 17:54

No totally disagree.

Fat shaming - including the less overt forms like the lack of clothing options for overweight people, tiny changing rooms in certain shops etc has been shown to have the opposite effect to the claimed desired effect.

There are lots of reasons for being overweight it's very complicated and not "simply" a case of greed/laziness!

I've yet to meet an overweight person who isn't fully aware that they're overweight and that it's not healthy - myself included.

But unless you know her medical and personal history in total detail you cannot know why she is overweight - she may not even know totally.

Be careful OP, you never know what the future holds.

I'd agree with this

I was very slim before having dd. All the women on one side of my family which I take after most are like this, very very slim (I was a size 6) until they have a pregnancy to full term, lose the "baby weight" in the first year postnatal and then in the 2nd year start gaining weight even though diet/exercise is largely unchanged.

All the ones in the generations above me were dx after age 60 with thyroid issues, but had been reporting symptoms since their dc were tiny, and developed diabetes, even the Uber healthy and fit non sweet toothed ones.

There's STARTING to be research into and recognition that for some people pregnancy can trigger thyroid disease but it's very much in infancy and not yet mainstream.

That's just one factor for me.

I'm also on steroids for asthma and eczema and on anti depressants which increase appetite (supposedly I only eat one meal a day) and slow metabolism

I'm also physically disabled so limited as to what exercise I can do which is compounded by being housebound.

And yes there are psychological elements too, partly "forgetting" I'm fat, in my head I'm still a size 6! Very hard to change the mindset/reality you had for almost 30 years, partly the depression/anxiety and some of the causes of that (abusive childhood etc) and partly its the one thing I have at the moment to "treat" myself with.

Add in that I firmly believe that we will discover that sweeteners are harmful to metabolism in some way, possibly insulin related, possibly something else. I don't think it's pure coincidence that the increased use of sweeteners correlates with the increase in obesity, I don't necessarily think it's the whole reason and I understand correlation doesn't necessarily mean causation but I think it deserves more research - and not funded by the manufacturers!

I don't believe that anything completely artificially created is good for us to consume in large quantities as is happening with artificial sweeteners and while yes anecdotes aren't data there's an awful lot of people reporting that if they consume certain sweeteners they've noticed they end up unwell.

The food environment is also a factor, it's particularly bad in the Uk, my local supermarket (though I shop online) there's only a quarter of an aisle for fruit and veg and 3 aisles of crisps! Plus of course advertising, unhealthier food is cheaper and has longer shelf life etc

I lost 2 stone with ww a few years back and have managed to keep it off and even lost another half stone this year during lockdown as it caused me to move away from some bad habits I'd developed.

Every single member I met had some kind of trauma in their past and I don't mean they were making excuses I mean major traumas - abusive childhood was VERY common, dv, rape, serious non sexual assault, loss of a child or unexpected and young loss of spouse...

I spoke to the leader on one occasion about this, she'd been a leader a long time and she was an "ex" member who'd lost and maintained the loss. She, without breaching confidentiality, said she'd noticed it quite early on and that it no longer surprised her, saddened and angered her on members behalves, but didn't surprise her.

Despite being overweight I have a low bp, healthy cholesterol etc I've also known very slim people with very unhealthy diets and lifestyles you can't tell how healthy someone else is just by looking at them.

As I said earlier i was obese myself many years ago but I wonder if as an ex obese person you are perhaps like ex smokers and have the attitude of "if I can do it anyone can" which isn't necessarily the case!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 27/09/2020 17:54

Op, just saying ANYTHING about obesity what isn't a positive (is there actually any? I haven't experienced any. Even my fucking shoes last shorter time than before🙄) is fat shaming. Apparently.

Some of us got what you mean.

Glitteryone · 27/09/2020 17:55

YANBU! Instagram is full of overweight ‘body positive’ influencers cashing in on the trend.

Normalising obesity makes it more acceptable - look how big clothes are available now in high street stores. It’s a dangerous road.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 27/09/2020 17:55

With friends like you, who needs enemies? Does she know you started this thread about her on a huge site? Did you not have the balls to comment what you did here to her face or at least on her wall so she has the measure of you and can therefore use her own agency to decide if she wants to continue contact with you? Instead you took it onto yourself to big yourself up by using her in a slag off thread on the internet. Wow. She can lose weight, but inner ugly is forever.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 27/09/2020 17:56

Whilst being obese isn't a good thing. Surely as long as we are happy.Who cares?

The person who will be trying to cremate me will care👀

Happyheartlovelife · 27/09/2020 17:56

And I'm a size 6-8!

I was a size 2-4. No health problems. Just stupidly skinny. I ate like a horse

I had people telling me to eat. I had people asking me if I was anorexic. If I had bulimia. If I was poorly. Did I was a nice juicy steak. Putting food under my nose

Did it help? Did it fuck....

MakeOfThatWhatYouWill · 27/09/2020 17:58

I can't help thinking that these people who moan about fat acceptance etc just don't want to be nice to fat people. They want to not have to treat them like human beings. Somehow someone being fat is a terrible insult to them, and an affront to their thin existence, and as such no fat person should ever receive a scrap of kindness, human decency or validation in any form. Fuck me. What a miserable world to live in.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 27/09/2020 17:59

@Happyheartlovelife

And I'm a size 6-8!

I was a size 2-4. No health problems. Just stupidly skinny. I ate like a horse

I had people telling me to eat. I had people asking me if I was anorexic. If I had bulimia. If I was poorly. Did I was a nice juicy steak. Putting food under my nose

Did it help? Did it fuck....

I think that is fucking disgraceful.

Let me guess, all of the comments were covered by the 'we just care about you' excuse. From people who probably never spoke to you apart from to tear you down.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 27/09/2020 17:59

@Glitteryone

YANBU! Instagram is full of overweight ‘body positive’ influencers cashing in on the trend.

Normalising obesity makes it more acceptable - look how big clothes are available now in high street stores. It’s a dangerous road.

Ah yes ,so dangerous to have fat people actually wearing clothes. Doubly dangerous if they're easily accessible and not a "certified fatty" label. Hmm
boomboomg · 27/09/2020 17:59

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble that being overweight/obese is not something to be proud of.

Imagine I was an alcoholic or drug addict and proud. Do you think people would support me and say I should stay that way and carry on loving me for me irrespective of how it's driving me to an early grave?

Or do you think people would tell me I'm deluded and I should get help?

Happyheartlovelife · 27/09/2020 18:00

@Time2change2

Then let their love ones be the one who bring it up if they are worried.

Not some ‘friend’ on Facebook (which is a place of all evil).

Kittytheteapot · 27/09/2020 18:01

@randomer

How vile some people are. A regular sized person who gains 2 stone is not obese and so what if she is?

I don't think fat people should hate themselves, but I do think they should hate their fat

What on earth???

Excess fat is not good for you. You can embrace your fat, enjoy being fat, prefer the look of fat people, whatever. But your body is not better for being fat. Your joints aren't better off. Your heart isn't better off. Your blood pressure isn't better off. If that doesn't matter to you, carry on with a fat positive message.
FourTeaFallOut · 27/09/2020 18:01

I really don't think "body positivity" touches the sides when it comes to reasons why our society is increasingly over-weight, tbh. I think it would rank well below the fact that highly calorific food is bloody delicious, that we have an abundance of labour saving devices, that taking the car is easier than walking, television is brilliant, we exist in a highly stimulating environment that pings our stress levels all day long and that salad is shit.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 27/09/2020 18:01

[quote boomboomg]@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble that being overweight/obese is not something to be proud of.

Imagine I was an alcoholic or drug addict and proud. Do you think people would support me and say I should stay that way and carry on loving me for me irrespective of how it's driving me to an early grave?

Or do you think people would tell me I'm deluded and I should get help?

[/quote]
Considering many people allege addiction to food is a big reason for obesity, I think this is actually a valid question.

XingMing · 27/09/2020 18:02

I have not read through the thread. But being overweight is not good for your health in the long term, or any other. No matter how hard you try to claim it's irrelevant. No aesthetic or social commentary; it's just unhealthy. No moral judgement offered or implied. It's bad for you.

Time2change2 · 27/09/2020 18:02

@MakeOfThatWhatYouWill
Where has the OP said any of that? It’s just you projecting your own thoughts on to others. Many people do not feel like that but do feel that the UK is heading in a dangerous direction with fat acceptance. That doesn’t mean anyone who is fat is a terrible person and not worth speaking to or have a scrap of kindness. This kind of attitude is why so many people are not speaking up and why we are slipping into overweight is perfectly normal and healthy

Happyheartlovelife · 27/09/2020 18:04

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble

I’m sorry. Your sarcastic mark went over my head!

I find it hard to understand the level of hate in this world right now.

It seems no one can be nice to anyone anymore.

The world seems to be black with pure hate. Pure selfishness. Pure nastiness.

If only we said one positive thing to each person we came into contact with. Just one.

I’ll start. I hope right now you’ve got a bit of sunshine in your lives! ❤️❤️

Delamalama · 27/09/2020 18:04

@Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd

With friends like you, who needs enemies? Does she know you started this thread about her on a huge site? Did you not have the balls to comment what you did here to her face or at least on her wall so she has the measure of you and can therefore use her own agency to decide if she wants to continue contact with you? Instead you took it onto yourself to big yourself up by using her in a slag off thread on the internet. Wow. She can lose weight, but inner ugly is forever.
What are you so angry?
OP posts:
Happyheartlovelife · 27/09/2020 18:05

@Delamalama

I wouldn't and have never fat shamed anyone. A friend the other day was saying how her daughter has piled weight on and how she was going to have a right go at her and get it under control. I said, please don't, it will make her feel a lot worse (I know from experience)

I'm not a horrible person. My original post was a genuine question and not put to drag anyone down.

I honestly don’t think you’re a bar person

I understand where you were coming from

Don’t beat yourself up ❤️

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