AIBU partner lied about being at work

[Laurr]

I have a 9 week old baby so I am a bit tired and emotional (maybe?)
My partner is self employed tradesman, steady work but sometimes busier than others.
I am on mat leave.
Yesterday we spoke about his day today and he told me he had a busy day in Manchester and had a deadline for completing a job by Monday. Manchester is an hour away. I encouraged him to get an early night after he came home in preparation.
This morning baby had slept through for the first time... until 8am!
So we were up later than usual, he offered to help with baby whilst I had a quick shower (baby has been fussy and a bit unwell since vaccinations a few days ago). I said no, because of his busy day and encouraged him to go to work and have a good day etc.
We text a few times during the day but didn't talk specifics about where he was etc and we were in contact a bit less than usual but I didn't think anything of it, for example he usually sends me a 'just got to the job hope the baby is settled, have you managed to get him to nap etc ' type of text. But he didn't and I didn't think anything just that he was busy and sent him a pic of baby.
So I noticed that something I had been wanting for a while was on sale local to where he was and asked if he nipped out would he collect it if it was convenient when he was getting food or something but fine if not, he was really receptive of this and said he would get it.
Fast forward to 5pm and he texts me saying he is collecting what I asked for.
6pm texts to say he has got it
6:15pm says he is stuck in traffic. I never asked for any of these updates, wasn't like I was hassling him or anything.
He arrives home at half 9.
Honestly it's only since looking back I've noticed the timeline as I was busy with baby.

So (sorry if this is dragging on)

He comes in the house and I thank him for getting item and he says 'when we picked it up'. And I notice the 'we' he knows I've noticed and he looks like a deer in the headlights.
I ask about this and he says. 'Yeah my brother. I picked him up on the way'
Now his brother lives about a 25 minute drive out of the way of where he said he was working and nowhere near where I asked him to go.
When I pointed this out he got defensive and said he was working at a different location to what he had said, in which case the errand I had asked him to run would ha e meant him going an hour out of his way and a further detour to collect his brother.
Makes no sense already.
I press him, in a non aggressive way to ask him what really went on today.
He got really defensive and said I was trying to stop him seeing his brother (not even remotely true and no backstory regarding this, me and his brother get on well and see him regularly) and was rude to me and basically said I was being controlling.
I explained that it wasn't about control it was about being lied to.
He came back with a present for me ?
Oh and he usually wears work clothes that show clear signs that he has been at work, he wasn't wearing these, I just didn't notice this morning.

So basically I'm being cheated on right?
Was the present guilt?
Did he just want a day away from me and baby?

And he's done a few 'all nighters' at work recently because he was being due to taking additional days off to spend time with baby.
Or so I thought

Aibu =
Yes you are being controlling it's non of your business what he does
No - he is up to something/ out of order

Do you have access to his current account? Can you see what he bought yesterday? Could that shed some light?

There seems to be 2 options;

1. He's finding the baby hard so taking time away from you both under the guise of work
2. He's cheating under the guise of work

Either way he's bareface lying to you, which is horrible and something you do not deserve.

That is so werid! Why lie?! Keep an eye on him.

As a pp said, just ask the brother. In a roundabout way...ie "Thanks for picking up (whatever the item was) when you were with (DP's name) the other day"

He will have already asked the brother to cover for him.
No point in asking him.

He's basically mocked you to say your not clever enough to figure he's cheating

Vile man

I’m so sorry but I think he’s cheating xx

Though he has been more sharp and less loving and generally just not as nice in the past few weeks

Since the baby was born? Any chance he’s just exhausted from not enough sleep? I’m clutching at straws here, OP. I hope he’s not cheating.

The suggestion of asking to see his current account is a good idea, some transactions say a location aswell as business name.
Basically you need to dig deeper and cleverly try and catch him out, so what tools did he need to get from his brothers? He has probably primed his brother, but doubt hes gone into exact details.
If you do contact the brother maybe ask what time he arrived? Hes probably covered what time he left but might not have thought to tell him when he got there.

I think if you push for details that is where you will catch him out, he doesnt sound like a convincing liar, and stumbles on the details.
Possibly record a conversation on your phone secretly, so if he changes his answer later on and denies saying the opposite you have proof.

I'm a guy, and sorry to say it doesnt sound good, I'd would suggest he is cheating.

I would tell him "the way you're behaving is making me feel like you're cheating on me. If that's not the case you need to tell me the truth now. If you don't tell me the truth, I'll assume the worst and you might aswell go stay at your brothers".

If he cares he'll tell you the truth, he may have just been spending the day with his brother and thought you wouldn't be happy about it so lied. Its not good and needs a serious discussion but not quite cheating.

How did you make the jump from him seeing his brother (being late back which made feel guilty) and cheating?

Could he have had a day out with his brother, playing golf or something? Didn't tell you because he felt he shouldnt and then was defensive because he'd been found out?

Awk op I am so sorry, you clearly don't need this stress when you have a little baby to look after. You have to sit him down and ask him again, make it clear how upset you are. If he still behaves like a dick then you have your answer I think

@seayork2020

You could actually talk to him about it

How could she do that when he's stormed off?

Rtft

I'm sorry, but I'd put good money on him cheating.

Perhaps he just wanted a day off and away from everything to hang out with his brother. Didnt want to tell you as felt guilty? Would u have been happy him doing this or would u have expected him.to spend the day with u and baby?

@RattleOfBars

How did you make the jump from him seeing his brother (being late back which made feel guilty) and cheating?

*Then he said something like 'Yeah interrogate me because you're so sharp and switched on, except you're not are you, well maybe only enough to work out when someone is cheating on you'*

Probably this bit. He brought up cheating, not the OP.

@RattleOfBars

Did you miss the part where he told Op you're so sharp and switched on, except you're not are you, well maybe only enough to work out when someone is cheating on you'

Op said she hadn’t considered him cheating until he mentioned it. Talk about him shooting himself in the foot...

Sorry Op, but it doesn’t sound good. Maybe try and talk to him in a calm way today, but not sure it will get you anywhere, it sounds alike he will be all defensive.

You can call & ask his brother if they had a good day.

His defensiveness suggests he's been caught out doing something he knows he shouldn't and feels guilty about. That doesn't necessarily mean cheating, it could be bunking off work to have some time away from parenting. The issue is how to find out what it is he's been doing.

Cross post @hammeringinmyhead...the DP doesn’t sound the brightest himself, blurting that out.

Yeah interrogate me because you're so sharp and switched on, except you're not are you, well maybe only enough to work out when someone is cheating on you
Sadly, there's your answer - Yep, he is cheating. Sorry

Easy to judge the OP and say “just talk to him” or “well if you can’t even trust him”.

It’s clear as day that until that morning she was going along thinking the world was right, and being pretty accommodating, and so on... and then all these script lines/major red flags come up -

1 - saying he’s going to work, in a particular place - not wearing work clothes
2 - not being in that place (apparently)
3 - looking caught when saying “we”
4 - immediately defensive
5 - immediately lashing out at her
6 - saying the word “cheating” when it hadn’t even crossed her mind, she just suddenly realised something was off
7 - saying he went to see his brother, but with no aim in mind
8 - blowing off an all-day job
9 - storming off

Let’s go back to saying “you’re too dim to realise anything until it’s too late and there;s cheating”. He’s literally just said what’s happened.

Sorry OP, but know that, if it’s crashing down around your ears, there are SOME mners who can help. Maybe repost on Relationships.

Oh goodness, I'm not sure he's cheating, but he's definitely up to something and it's not good.

Ok now is the time to start getting things figured out. You can do this slowly or as quickly as you feel able to.
Who owns your house? (Or is on the tenancy). Could you afford it by yourself? Could you and the baby go to your parents/ relatives/ friends?
Joint bank account or separate?
Do you have anyone to talk to in real life?

Could you text the brother and thank him for going to get the item for you and see what his response is?

The all nighter things seems very odd. I thought tradesmen had a limit on when they had to finish work due to noise. Did he used to do this before the baby?