To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

[Reallybadidea]

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

If they’re 17 and 19, they’ll probably be pleased to not have to go!

@ceeveebee wasn't aware of that - at least that's a slight help!

@Reallybadidea

I can understand my dh not being among the 15, it's my kids that I'm upset about. They're plenty old enough to understand that they haven't made the final cut!

YABVU. Your kids aren’t going to add anything to her wedding; her friends are.

She’s making the best of a bad situation.

Friends first too!

In normal circumstances it would be completely different. With the 15 people restrictions, it's more than reasonable. A sister of all people really should support that!

In normal times, I'd be upset, but these aren't normal times.

@saraclara

I'm going to repeat my advice upthread, but in capital letters.

MAYBE COMPARE YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT TO HERS AND GET SOME PERSPECTIVE

^

Actually, to be a properly supportive sister you could offer that DH pick up DD after the ceremony and open up another space at the reception (that DD isn't likely to enjoy that much anyway!).

@Bourbonbiccy

In that 15, I think you have to count the registra, photographer, videographer so there are not a lot allowed at all.

I would pick my friends over my Brother in law and probably some of my little relatives. It such a hard time for those getting married, I would just give them a break and enjoy the day with them.

Nope, the 15 is just for guests and couple

I'm guessing she speaks more and has a connection with her friends than your DH? it's a non-issue. My DH is a groomsman in a wedding coming up soon, and I'm not going to be invited (anticipating). I'm not bothered because I'm aware of the lockdown rules. Bottom line is, you don't get to dictate other people's weddings.

I agree with test yabu. If I had to chose 15 people I’d prefer my sister parents and closest friends over my teenager nephews as well. The friends might mean like family to her

Can't imagine a 17 and 19 yr old would even want to go to a wedding!

Christ. I would cut siblings partners and kids out too. You'd want your mum and dad there, presumably your own siblings and then your mates. That's it. That's your 15.

YABU. Oh and your husband and kids are YOUR family, but really, on her wedding day, with limited guests, HER family are her parents and her siblings.

Friends over children would be my choice too. Much more conducive for a fun time.

you choose your friends, you are stuck with your family.

it it were my wedding, my sister would be uninvited as well..

to be fair, she wouldn't be invited in the first place.

My husband and three kids didn't come to my brothers wedding in the summer cause they could only have 30 people. I wouldn't get upset about it just enjoy celebrating with your sister.

Presumably though 'her' friends are now actually their friends?

Any friends of either DH or mine who we didn't both know didn't get invited to our wedding of 100! As it happens, most of our friends we now see were originally mine, but we'd class them equally now.

This is pretty much besides the point as the groom has agreed to this so must be happy with the arrangement BUT: I bet some of the friends are also his friends. Even if your sister knew them first, I bet they all enjoy hanging out together.

At the end of the day, it’s their wedding.

If I was getting married now I think we'd pick the closest to us, not necessarily family and have a big party on an anniversary when it's OK to mix again.

It’s a rough situation but you have to think that this is her wedding, and she’s already had to severely limit the numbers because of circumstances outwith her control. If she picked your husband and kids over her friends it would be for your benefit, not hers. She’s allowed to put herself before you on her own wedding day. And given how much things have already changed for people getting married, she should be allowed total control over the guest list without anyone getting snippy about it.

Haha great minds @MaggieFS

17 & 19? OP you are being beyond daft

so, what @saraclara said

@saraclara

I'm going to repeat my advice upthread, but in capital letters.

MAYBE COMPARE YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT TO HERS AND GET SOME PERSPECTIVE

Yup

The absolute entitlement of this.

I'd choose friends over my BIL, too.

Also: how disappointed is your DH to miss the big day?

Maybe she is on MN and you may find you will be uninvited too and that will resolve the problem and free up 2 spaces for people who care about her.

You’re being a massive guestzilla. Say one word and you may find yourself uninvited. I feel sorry for the groom only being allowed two guests.