To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

[Reallybadidea]

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

[Lougle]

@Reallybadidea

The 15 are:
Bride, groom, my parents, me, daughter, 2 family members of groom, 7 friends of my sister.

I think you'll find that she needs to cut that list. It doesn't count the registrar/priest, photographer, etc. She may end up with 4 or 5 friends.

[WellyBootsAreYouFrom]

OP, do you understand and acknowledge what everyone here has said? Please don't be a dick and tell your sister that you are not happy with the situation, she won't have made it lightly.

[glassshoes]

I get why you are hurt, but these are really quite exceptional circumstances. Your sister and her partner can only invite 15 people, at least they should be allowed those of their own choosing. For what it's worth, no way would I invite a sibling's spouse in this situation, over friends who I am much closer to, and known for much longer also.

[hitchhikingghost]

Sounds like she should univite you and invite more supportive friends. You sound incredibly selfish.

[pictish]

You’re in the wrong on this one..and so.
This is her wedding...she wants a good time and gets one shot at it with a poxy party of 15. The 17 and 19 yr olds will be fine with not making the cut.
It must be hellish having to have a wedding in the middle of all this. Hope your sister has a great day. Try to be less selfish in your thinking about it.

[DianaT1969]

Yes, if I saw you on MN moaning that 2 young adults in your household can't go, I wouldn't want you there. Ungracious, lacking empathy, unsupportive.
I think we're wasting our breath to remind you that this is her day.

[MiddleClassProblem]

Won’t somebody think of the children! 😰

Think of your life pre children. Think of how stuff actually happened and who was important to you, who supported you, who you have special memories of etc. Your answer is right there for her. It’s their significant day and this is about people who impact their lives, not just that they love and see, but deeper stuff.

[changerr]

YABVU

[pictish]

I’d not pick my teenaged nieces or nephews over my closest friends if I had to make that call. I’d pick my mates.

[MayIJustAsk]

Her choice.

[saraclara]

I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

Well, now you know. In normal circumstances, we'd be hurt. In these circumstances we'd be sad but totally understanding, and would be doing our best to lift our sibling's spirits when they must be feeling sick with disappointment and stress. That's if I've read every post correctly.

[Dyrne]

Jesus Christ OP get some perspective. Your children are plenty old enough to understand that COVID is shit and people have had to make some difficult choices.

Some of these friends will have rallied round and supported your sister through this stressful time - what have your children done to support your sister?

It will do your children good to learn that not everyone has to bend over backwards to accommodate them all the time. Let your sister choose who she wants at her own bloody wedding.

[BlueJay99]

Really tough. To be fair to her, you are a family of 5. Which is loads when you only get 13 guests.

It's not a nice to be the decision maker or the decision receiver in these circumstances.

[BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze]

It’s very likely that your sisters friends would like to see her get married more than your children would. My 17 year old wouldn’t really be bothered about missing a wedding. Are your kids actually bothered?

[Reallybadidea]

Thanks for the responses. It's interesting to see that the majority of people wouldn't be at all bothered by this. I don't really see how being quietly disappointed on my dc's behalf makes me a guestzilla, unsupportive or suggests that I don't care about her. I shall continue with not saying anything to her and not making a fuss about it though!

[ImSleepingBeauty]

The children are 17 and 19?!
Ok YABU.
They are adults! They understand Covid and the limit on numbers!

[whywhywhy6]

It’s fine to feel disappointment that this pandemic has created this situation but you are being extremely unreasonable to think your sister should make a decision that suits you and your family.

[BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze]

Being disappointed is fine, it’s not what you expected. But I’m glad you’ll just carry on and not say anything. I’m sure she doesn’t want to hurt you at all.

[BlueJay99]

OP, you've been given a hard time here.
I'm sure you're not unsupportive - as you say, you're not mentioning this to her. But it's natural to feel slightly hurt even if you get the reasoning.

Don't worry.

[Notonthestairs]

Op, are you married? How many people did you have there?

If you are married I'm guessing you had more than 15 friends there let alone family.

Cut her some slack, smooth over any hurt feelings and let them get wed with as little as xtra faff as possible.

[theculture]

I understand her choices in having a pared down wedding but think it's a bit mean to invite only one if your DC - all or none!

[Dyrne]

But you’re not just disappointed that your DC can’t go (which would be perfectly understandable); you’re actively disappointed in your sister for making the “wrong” decision in your eyes by inviting friends over family. That’s what makes you Unreasonable.

[Notonthestairs]

Extra not xtra!

[ChickensMightFly]

At her wedding, of which apart from bride and groom there can only be 13 people, there are 2 members of your family going. So your family represent about 15% of her guest list! Unless she's a hermit with few people in her life that's a fair slice of the (tiny virus reduced) pie given to you and yours. I don't think given how tight her options are this is the time to be not picking about individuals, she's probably sweated over that guest list and shed tears.
Curse the virus, tell your children and dh is not personal, pin a smile on and help her make her day as special as possible.

[Inkpaperstars]

The list of guests does sound a bit unbalanced....seven friends of your sister while the groom has two guests, both family members?

Your sister might have thought that teenage nephews wouldn't be bothered about not going. Personally if I were in her position I would have focused on family.