To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

[Reallybadidea]

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

[nimbuscloud]

I’d pick friends too.

[Justmuddlingalong]

I think not making the final cut, when there's 15 going, including the bride and groom is just tough titty. If they're old enough to understand they aren't going, then they're old enough to understand why. Perhaps explain things to them rather than being unreasonably offended on their behalf.

[PersonaNonGarter]

They're plenty old enough to understand that they haven't made the final cut!

That’s not a reason the the bride has to have them.

Really, you are going to have to support your sister - her wedding is being trashed! You step up by being cheerful, positive and understanding.

[Honeyroar]

You can’t expect her to use all her “allowance” on your entire family. Be rational - it’s not because she doesn’t love them or want them there. It’s because of the Covid rules, nothing else. Of course she needs a couple of good friends there too..

[BillywilliamV]

Suck it up, please don’t spoil her day. You can make it up to the other children later!

[Serialcatmum]

Honestly, perfectly reasonable. I only had 32 people to my wedding (restrictions on the venue) I only invited my direct family as in mum/ dad/ sister and her husband and then went for friends.
Harsh but true- my friends (my support network) were far more important to me. I can see why she thinks her friends will get more from the day than her nephews 🤷🏻‍♀️

[vanillandhoney]

You're being hugely unreasonable!

Why should nearly half her guest list get taken up by just your family?!

[Etinox]

Give the poor woman a break. Must be awful getting married just now.

[Glendaruel]

If she had cut your husband and kids in normal times yanbu but this must have been so hard for her, she needs you to rally round and make it the best day possible in the circumstances. Why not suggest a special post wedding dinner when circumstances allow?

[zigaziga]

Under normal circumstances it would be pretty shitty but if it’s 15 people and you’re 5 and they’re 2 that leaves 8 for your parents and his parents and his siblings / their families and some friends... it’s not enough. Would the photographer be in the 15 too?

I would cut her some slack in this case because I bet they’ve had to exclude a number of people they wish they could have with them.

[AntiHop]

You need to put your feelings aside. It must be really tough for your sister. There's no right answer to this. Some of my friends are like family to me.

[FieldOverFence]

Yep agree that 5 out of 15 potential guests being from one family is too much.... it is shit but I would do the same thing in her place

[queenofthemadhouseyouknow]

I got married last month and chose friends over some family members. In an ideal world and under our original plans all of our family would have been invited. However when numbers are restricted, we chose to invite those people who are closest to us and we see the most often. Family who we see once a year at Christmas didn't make the cut.

[girlcrushonvillanelle]

How old are your sons OP?

Also you and your daughter are playing a very important role, cut her some slack poor girl.

[Doingitaloneandproud]

I completely understand why she's done it, friends can also be considered family at times. It just have been a hard decision but if your kids are old enough to know they haven't made the cut, then you can explain the reasoning and these are exceptional circumstances

[Theworldisfullofgs]

So all 3 of your children and you is over a 1/4 of who she is permitted.

What other family is invited? Groom's family?

[OoohTheStatsDontLie]

I agree OP. Picking friends over your husband, ok, maybe they're not that close outside your relationship. But choosing one piece/ nephew over the others is harsh, unless there is one that she say shares a hobby with, or sees much more than the others. It would have been better to have just you, and the get your husband and kids to dress up and wave and throw confetti outside the venue or something. And I'd maybe suggest that if you think it would cause a rift between your children xx

[Merryoldgoat]

Generally I’d agree but in this instance I wouldn’t care.

[PinkyPinkerton]

But your other children aren't part of the wedding party, and I'm guessing you weren't upset about that?
Your sister isn't getting the wedding she has probably dreamed of. Step back, wind your neck in, and put her feelings first.

[nimbuscloud]

It’s 15 people in total - not just guests
Bride and groom - 2
Celebrant - 1
That leaves 12 people

[MsAwesomeDragon]

I had a tiny wedding a few years ago. I wish I'd had the guts to not invite my sister's dp at the time, and his son, and mil's dh, and fil. Dh and I could have had a couple of friends each instead of family, and we'd have been happier. But we didn't, so in a wedding that had fewer than 15 people including us, there were 4 people there that neither of us really wanted.

Good for her I say!! If they are only allowed 15 people in total they have to make the decisions about who will make the day the happiest for them.

[ceeveebee]

My SIL has uninvited all four of us (DH - her only sibling- me and the two kids). So there’ll be 4 guests from her side and 9 from his... can’t say I care as I didn’t really want to go, they are from a very high risk area and to be honest I would rather stay away but thought it was a bit of an odd decision!

[Reallybadidea]

Groom has 2 guests, the rest are all on my sister's side fwiw.

[Potterpotterpotter]

Yabu.

[WellyBootsAreYouFrom]

As someone who has had to cancel their big wedding and do a little thing during this fucking pandemic I think you should suffer this minor set back and get over it, your poor sister having to fall with all this shit, please try to be more supportive and less selfish.