To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

[Reallybadidea]

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

[BoyTree]

If you don't know the groom that well, then presumably your husband doesn't either? I can understand wanting to prioritise people that know both bride and groom well on their wedding day.

[Parky04]

I would be delighted to be uninvited. Weddings are so boring.

[tigerbear]

**It's a shame for your kids and as the bride I'd have tried to send presents or do something special for them to make up for it.

@TankGirl97 you are joking, right??
The ‘kids’ are 17 and 19, not 5 and 8!
The bride has enough on her plate without having to think about sending gifts or doing a special treat for two teenage/adult lads!!

[PutThemInTheIronMaiden]

I'd invite my bf's who have been through some hellish times with me and who I owe my sanity to before my 7 year old niece who couldn't give a toss.

[CraftyGin]

Maybe she can split up her celebrations.

The actual ceremony is meant to be as short as possible, so that would probably mean 15 minutes for a civil ceremony, 25 minutes for a church ceremony.

It’s not worth getting petulant over the ceremony.

They could then have the wedding breakfast to include friends, the another later to include wider family.

Perhaps they could live stream the service? I have “been” to quite a few church family weddings on YouTube this summer.

[Yippeeforme]

Poor woman has lost the chance for her dream wedding! Do you not understand the abnormality of the situation? And how upset she probably already is?

Also bear in mind that, going into the future, she'll always remember whether or not you were supportive on one of the most important days of her life. It's not something you ever forget.

[SeasonFinale]

If you don't even know your future BIL that well by your own admission there is even less reason why yours kids (at least one of which is grown and does not live with you) should be the ones bumped from the list. To be fair I am surprised you have made the cut. Your sister was obviously expecting a negative reaction if they have asked your parents to let you know.

[IdkickJilliansass]

I think it’s harsh, will she be the one to tell her nieces/nephews they’re now uninvited 😂😂

[saraclara]

I'm glad you've come round, OP. This post really did it for me, to be honest, and makes it clear why (presumably mutual) friends have made the cut.

If you haven’t taken the time to find out who his family is, why the hell would he think all of yours were a priority on his guest list! I bet her friends know way more about him than you do, and as others have said, are probably his friends too

Did your sister ask your parents to give you the news, or are they just passing on what they know so far?

[fatherfintanstack]

Its a real shame your sister couldn't have the big celebration she'd have liked.

She's probably had a hell of a time whittling down the invitees and telling people they can't come. Just speculating but I wonder whether some out of town friends might've made arrangements already?

But either way, you can't expect your immediate family to make up such a big chunk of the guest list if the numbers aren't through choice.

Your 17 and 19 year old will be well aware of why this is. I'm sure they'll realise it's not a case of not having made the cut.

Just be thankful the wedding can go ahead at all and dont take this personally. I know you've said you won't, but you would be very unreasonable to say anything to your sister or other family members.

[BlueJag]

Please don't get upset. She is in a tight spot. If I were getting married today I'll like to have some of my friends there. Ask your children if they are hurt? Our teen wouldn't be at all. Wedding can be boring for them.

[AltoCation]

OK OP, well done for acknowledging that you have got over it / yourself.

I don’t think anyone thinks they would not be bothered, or not disappointed, of course people would be. But faced with the reality most people would understand and not take it personally- as you have now taken on board.

In your shoes I would set the lead for your younger kids. Acknowledge that it is a shame, v sad for your sis, disappointing for all her guests but she has no choice and it can’t be helped. So maybe plan a special celebration with her and her DH at another time. Be upbeat and make sure they know it isn’t personal.

[SoloMummy]

@AliciaJohns89
Even Princess Beatrice had a tiny wedding, and her family's loaded!
Wrong.
They opted to have a 2 day wedding. So technically they had upto 30 on day one and then 500 on day 2 for the funfair!. Hardly small. Even if small comparable to other royal weddings.

[copperoliver]

Maybe tell her you will go to the church have photos ect and go home you won't be coming to the after party as you don't want to celebrate without your other children. X

[Inkpaperstars]

The sister is in an awkward situation but it is hardly tragic as some people seem to think. It's a wedding, which is a non essential luxury. She can either delay or have a smaller do, not much of a drama.

[tigerbear]

@copperoliver what an awful suggestion!
Sure fire way of making the poor bride feel even worse than she does already.
That would be a horribly entitled and spiteful thing of the OP to do, and would effectively waste their three invitations if they left after the ceremony!

[gumball37]

@Mamagotskills

I’d pick my best friends over my brother in law too... she’s in a shit situation, just make the best of it

Yep

[saraclara]

@copperoliver

Maybe tell her you will go to the church have photos ect and go home you won't be coming to the after party as you don't want to celebrate without your other children. X

Good grief. The poor bride is already in a shitty situation. She doesn't want to un-invite anyone. None of us would. But this will be the second time she's had to do it, and she'll be sick with disappointment and sadness.

But no, this is all about the OP in your eyes, and the bride needs to be taught a lesson.
I am forever stunned at the complete lack of empathy and understanding that one reads sometimes on MN.

[BackforGood]

Completely agree @saraclara

It's hard to understand how some people's minds work sometimes.

[jessyjo2]

Your sister is probably so gutted that she is in this position, if I were a bride now, think i would be devastated that my big day has been destroyed. Therefore please just show support and understanding to her wishes.

[AlwaysLatte]

I think I'm these times we just have to smile and accept that weddings are incredibly difficult. Her friends probably go way back to school days. It's a horribly divisive time. Just be supportive and accept it, it's not her fault.

[Scarby9]

A friend was telling me about hercousin's wedding. ' They can have hardly any family there because they say the string quartet counts in with the 15!'
Me: Why on earth are they still having the string quartet?!'
Apparently the cousin has always wanted one for her wedding.
Now, I might be miffed at being bumped for an unrelated cello or viola...

[ceeveebee]

The string quartet does not count towards the 15! However if the venue is small it might not be possible to have 15 plus a string quartet on a socially distanced basis

[Ceilingfan]

Oh come off it, its a dick move to not invite your sisters husband and nephews.

[LuckyToTheStar]

@Ceilingfan

Oh come off it, its a dick move to not invite your sisters husband and nephews.

In normal times... Not when you're limited to 13 people.