To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

[Reallybadidea]

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

if it were me I’d see it as being the perfect opportunity for a child-free wedding without being judged for it.

Gosh it's so tough, but with just 15, which as I understand it has to include the vicar and photographer, there are inevitably going to be compromises and people hurt.

Are the uninvited DC upset themselves or just you?

Tbh my sister would choose her friends over me so it could be worse!

Just because she cut them doesn’t mean it was an easy decision for her.

Get over it. This is your sister’s wedding, in extraordinarily difficult times. It’s not about you.

She's closer to some friends than your DH and her nephews. She gets on better with them, has more in common and will enjoy their company more. They'll also enjoy and appreciate the wedding more. Is that so surprising to you?

Are your sons really that bothered or upset about going to the wedding? Or is it just you upset on their behalf...

Show a bit more understanding to the horrible situation your sister has been put into.

Come on, if they split the guests list so that 6/7 each that means the 5 of you would be almost all her guests. it's understandable that you're hurt and of course it's such a shame, buy it's also totally understandable to want adults who can share in the day emotionally with you, and be part of the memories that you all carry with you as a group of friends. I'd also choose my friends if I were her.

How many other siblings & nieces & nephews are there?

The problem might also be that inviting you, your partner and children might be fine, but if they they then invited all the rest of the siblings & nieces/nephews to make it fair it would take them way over numbers.

YABVU. Do you really think that your family should make up about 60% of the guests at her wedding? It's her wedding and she should have who she wants, not people she feels she should invite so family members don't get upset.

Your husband isn't her family! And several children - as a proportion of 15 - will change the whole mood of the wedding. Of course, she's going to prefer to invite her friends!
It would be really mean to kick up a fuss about this.

I would be pissed off personally but before covid me and sister did everything together with partners and kids. Sunday lunch, days out, Christmas, holidays.

Is your husband bothered? - mine wouldn't care - he gets on well with my brother but really wouldn't care that he wasn't going!

I’m getting married next month (hopefully). And we’ve cancelled all children and extended family it’s just immediate family.

The fifteen guests include bride and groom, you get that right? And yes I’ve invited a friend who I’ve known all my life and is like a sister to me and DP has invited his best friend they’ll be best man/woman.

I get relatives may be miffed, but we can’t invite everyone. It’s just not possible. And I really really want my friend there as does DP his friend.

Wedding planning during this pandemic has been the single most stressful thing.
And don’t get me started on my sister in law who thinks we should be running everything by her.

When this pandemic is under control and life resumes we plan on having a massive vow renewal and invite everyone then.

For us personally, the guests we’ve had to disinvite are no less important to us, but we need to get married. And that’s now all that this wedding is about. We can’t disinvite immediate siblings (altho I’d seriously like to with SIL), we want our DC there and they want to be there. And then we’ve got our best man/woman who are also our witnesses.

I seriously hope friends and extended family are more understanding than your are being to your sister OP.

Honestly, I think you're being incredibly self involved.

@MaggieFS

Gosh it's so tough, but with just 15, which as I understand it has to include the vicar and photographer, there are inevitably going to be compromises and people hurt.

Are the uninvited DC upset themselves or just you?

Nope the 15 doesn’t include anyone other than couple and guests - from the official guidance “Anyone working, for example officiants, staff employed by the venue, any third-party suppliers, photographers, security personnel, or catering staff, are not included in this figure.”

She only gets 15 people.

You want a third or so of her entire allotment to be you and your family? That’s selfish!

How are your kids?

I agree with many others here. Having to choose 13 people between the two of them is hard and they have to prioritise. If you eldest wasn’t a bridesmaid, she probably would have been cut too. Equally you don’t seem miffed that only one child was in the bridal party...

Really, really hard decision she’s had to make, she probably would uninvite your dd if she weren’t a bridesmaid, so you just have to remember this isn’t her choice to have 15. Hopefully they can have some sort of reception in the future for everyone they’d have loved to have been there.
Just imagine being in her shoes.

That’s extremely unreasonable of you, and I would definitely not say somethng.

It’s hard enough for her, getting married in this awful situation and no doubt cutting out a lot of people she would like to have there a lot more than your husband! Do you really think she’s closer to him than to her best friends? And if not, why should her wedding guest list be for your pleasure?

You have a decent number of kids and obviously she’d love to have them all there, but I would absolutely exclude them first thing from such a short wedding list. They’re not on the intimate essential family list, and why should the majority of the wedding be her family? He only has a small number there you say, and the friends would likely be mutual friends, so that’s unreasonable. For children it’s just a jolly and doesn’t matter anyway—how old are the ones excluded?

Which of her close friends would you propose to cut to make space for your DH and children. I’m assuming with such small numbers it’s the friends she is closest to, surely you don’t grudge her the opportunity to celebrate with friends and family?

The 15 are:
Bride, groom, my parents, me, daughter, 2 family members of groom, 7 friends of my sister.

Equally the day is not about you

At some point your kids are also going to understand that their Aunt had a hard choice to make due to covid restrictions and they are going to be mature enough to deal with it.

If y were getting married now it would be me hubby and two witnesses that's it.

Sorry YABU they're getting married, its their big day, it's their way or the high way, the day is all about them and what they want. Just try and remember that, being invited is a bonus, not an entitlement.

@Reallybadidea you are still making this about you. Despite many many people trying to get you to understand how painful this all must be for your sister.

Your husband and your other children are not as important as the bride and groom. They really aren't. Any other time, yes, but right now when everything is falling apart for your sister and her fiance, it really isn't about your kids. They're old enough to understand about Covid and what it means for your sister.

For goodness sake, step up and try to make this day the best it can be for the bride and groom. They need your support.

How old are your children?