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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

449 replies

Reallybadidea · 26/09/2020 21:09

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

OP posts:
Updownin · 27/09/2020 09:40

I don't know how old you dd is, but it sounds like might be very boring for her.- a small adult gathering and the only child.

Personally I would be talking to her about the reality of the day and swapping her out for my dh!

Dyrne · 27/09/2020 09:46

@S00LA

Is it only me who feels sorry for the groom who only gets 2 of the 12 guests ? Does the poor man not get a single friend ?
Given the OP very carefully didn’t give any context to that fact, I’m assuming it’s a situation that the groom is absolutely fine with - and could well be the case that “her” friends are actually “his” friends too!

Seems like the sort of detail the OP would have gleefully included otherwise; so she’s been just vague enough that she can sit back and joyfully watch her sister being character assassinated by strangers on the internet who don’t have any context.

gurglebelly · 27/09/2020 09:47

@Updownin

I don't know how old you dd is, but it sounds like might be very boring for her.- a small adult gathering and the only child.

Personally I would be talking to her about the reality of the day and swapping her out for my dh!

That wouldn't be your decision to make, it's not your wedding! It may be that the niece is only invited because she is a bridesmaid and if you decided that she wouldn't go, the bride and groom would have someone else they would put in before your husband
Rocinante39 · 27/09/2020 09:51

Your sister has sidelined her husband to be. I don't think you stand a chance of getting her to do anything she does not want.

That said, I have never met a boy who was disappointed about not being invited to a wedding - even of a much loved Aunt.

pictish · 27/09/2020 09:54

Jeez...maybe he’s not arsed about having more guests. He might be from a small family, some of those friends will be mutual and/or couples. How the hell do you know he’s been ‘sidelined’?
Stop letting your imagination run away then posting as though it were fact. So annoying.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/09/2020 09:58

@pictish

Jeez...maybe he’s not arsed about having more guests. He might be from a small family, some of those friends will be mutual and/or couples. How the hell do you know he’s been ‘sidelined’? Stop letting your imagination run away then posting as though it were fact. So annoying.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Original poster
Reallybadidea · 27/09/2020 09:58

Seems like the sort of detail the OP would have gleefully included otherwise; so she’s been just vague enough that she can sit back and joyfully watch her sister being character assassinated by strangers on the internet who don’t have any context.

Gosh, it's almost as though you know me. Uncanny. Or maybe I don't actually have a clue why he's not inviting any friends. I haven't spoken to my sister about this at all, this is all coming via my parents.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 27/09/2020 10:00

Maybe you don’t know him that well if you don’t have an idea of who his close friends and family(!) are...

Rachie1973 · 27/09/2020 10:00

My sister is getting married next month. She sliced from 120 down to 30. Now it’s been halved again.

I was originally her bridesmaid

Her, her DP and their 4 children are 6. 2 sets of parents. 2 witnesses

It left 3 spaces. And 4 siblings. So we all stepped back to avoid her having to make a hard choice

StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/09/2020 10:00

I haven't spoken to my sister about this at all, this is all coming via my parents.

I think herein lies your problem.

Original poster
Reallybadidea · 27/09/2020 10:03

Maybe you don’t know him that well if you don’t have an idea of who his close friends and family(!) are...

I don't think I ever claimed to know him well.

OP posts:
TotorosFurryBehind · 27/09/2020 10:03

I understand why you feel hurt, but this must be so hard and rubbish for your sister too.

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 27/09/2020 10:05

Try looking at it from her point of view, you said your husband has been uninvited, so assume you're already married. You had you wedding day, let her have hers. Be happy, put up and shut up or don't go.

emilybrontescorsett · 27/09/2020 10:06

I never thought the bride and groom might have kids. In that case it cuts the numbers down further.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/09/2020 10:09

@Reallybadidea

Maybe you don’t know him that well if you don’t have an idea of who his close friends and family(!) are...

I don't think I ever claimed to know him well.

It’s his wedding!!!

If you haven’t taken the time to find out who his family is, why the hell would he think all of yours were a priority on his guest list! I bet her friends know way more about him than you do, and as others have said, are probably his friends too.

SoloMummy · 27/09/2020 10:10

Those saying the op is selfish because it's all so hard when she can only have 15 guests is imo very simplistic. She has a choice to mardy now or later. She's chosen now. So if course the op can be disappointed that her children haven't made the cut!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/09/2020 10:12

But she could be disappointed whilst still being understanding. Instead she’s angry that some of the family ‘haven’t made the cut’.

Original poster
Reallybadidea · 27/09/2020 10:12

@TotorosFurryBehind

I understand why you feel hurt, but this must be so hard and rubbish for your sister too.
Thanks (and to the other posters who understood why I was a bit upset). After reading the thread I've got over it/myself.
OP posts:
AliciaJohns89 · 27/09/2020 10:13

I'd heard of bridezillas before MN, but I never realised there were so many guestzillas out there! The most extreme I've ever seen was that thread by a grown woman who was envious of her own son, because her friend hadn't asked her to be a bridesmaid but had asked him to be a page boy.

Imloosingmyshit · 27/09/2020 10:17

She’s in a difficult enough position. Why would your husband trump lifelong friends? Stop being offended and help her to enjoy what will be a disappointingly smaller affair for her than she wanted.

Fairybatman · 27/09/2020 10:22

I would be happy to let DH how out of the wedding but I wouldn’t take one of the kids and not the rest. It’s a difficult time, but that’s not fair!

IslaMann · 27/09/2020 10:24

@Reallybadidea

The 15 are: Bride, groom, my parents, me, daughter, 2 family members of groom, 7 friends of my sister.
Then she's going to have to cut the numbers further as the registrar/vicar has to be included. I had 2 registrars at my ceremony.

Don't make a fuss or you and DD may be those cut.

Ideasplease322 · 27/09/2020 10:25

Glad you have gotten over it.

It doesn’t sound like you are that close to your sister (my sister and I would be discussing this all in huge detail), and you don’t really know the groom. So it’s probably for the best that your nuclear family doesn’t dominate the wedding.

Think of it this way, your parents, your daughter and you will be there to celebrate with your sister. Your sons and husband and get to know the groom after pearls - maybe a family dinner to celebrate when they actually have time to talk?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 27/09/2020 10:27

Expecting you, your partner & children to make up a third of the wedding party is unreasonable.
If you don't like it, don't go and let her invite others that would like to attend.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/09/2020 10:28

Instead of making her difficult decision about you why not use it as one of those life lessons?

Talk to your kids about how difficult it is to make decisions that keep everybody happy, how sometimes you have to do what is right for yourself.

And have you even asked them if they are bothered? Teen boys? Probably relieved and possibly looking forward to have some time with their dad!